Apprehension
August 2nd, 2008 | Author: Zille
Last night my Master had finally come home, and after I served dinner (moussaka!) and we’d watched a couple episodes of Waking the Dead
We snuggled and talked about a number of things, but conversation led to a thought I’d had while stuck on the train, which was what we might “get up to” this weekend. I thought about shooting a CP video, and wondered what we might do. A few days ago, a search term used to find this blog was “caning and anal sex video.” So I started thinking of him putting me over the punishment chair and caning me for the video, and then fucking my ass while I cried.
Suddenly, a rational (and seldom heard) voice in my head said, “That’s really going to hurt — why do you want that?!” The answer came from what I jokingly call my “hindbrain” (that being my genitalia, from whence I seem to do much of my thinking!) — my pussy was hot and I could feel the blood rushing into it. So, obviously, no amount of rational thought with the main brain had any relevance — my pussy knows what I want and need much better!
But still, the apprehension for an upcoming caning twinged through me. So I started telling myself things like:
- Once it starts, there will be only a certain number of strokes. I can get through it.
- He never pushes me over my limit. I can get through it.
- Once the first shocking strokes are done, I will get the hang out it. I can get through it.
So I was telling him all of the things I’d had to tell myself, saying to him, “I know my apprehension would appeal to you, Sir.” My hand was playing with the hair on his chest as I spoke.
Suddenly, he said to me in a strange voice, “What are you trying to do, girl?”
I was confused. I was just chatting and snuggling. Yes, we were talking about sexy stuff, but I knew he was tired from travelling and I wasn’t trying to make a scene happen….
I was just trying to explain this when he gestured and I looked down and saw a huge tenting in his underpants. “Oh!” was my magniloquent response, and I immediately moved down between his legs to remedy the problem I’d caused! 
It’s so sexy to me that he gets so turned on by my nervous apprehension to pain and punishment. It’s not that he doesn’t also enjoy when I’m enthusastically masochistic, but I think it means more to both of us when I take pain from him despite fear and trepidation.
Shadow Lane Video Clips
Northern Spanking
I Feel Myself.com
Let’s see … guy gets back from a road trip and is greeted by a very special young lady and a hot supper, then she says she wants to retire early and lures him into bed just to snuggle before she falls asleep (uh huh) and THEN proceeds to whisper the rough (!) draft of one of the naughtiest CP videos I ever heard of into his ear whilst fondling his chest – and she’s amazed at his visceral response!
Yeah, Zille – it was your ‘apprehension’ that appealed to him. You bet. *G*
Great story, young lady. Hope you ‘get up to’ that video shoot, and more especially that you ‘get through it’ all right.
-Dev
Zille dear girl, apprehension will turn a sadist on almost as much as doing the act.
The little brain takes over, not many women will admit that.
So you were able to relieve your Master’s “problem” that’s good.
That does sound like a hot scene.
Have a good Sunday.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
Fine dining indeed, moussaka for the main course and youssuka for dessert. Thanx for sharing the recipe.
Just a word to let you know that I appreciate you sharing with us these intimate glimpses into your own personal psychology of spanking, Zille.
And nice to see some new visitors from Devlin’s blog taking an interest in your “work”.
Too right, Karl – fascinating stuff, and just BTW, this professor needed the Webster’s to find ‘magniloquent.’ It means lofty verbiage, similar to ‘grandiloquent,’ in case you didn’t know, so the writer here was being ironic – the little minx. *G*
-Dev
Good of you to look that up for us, Devlin. Yes, there’s definitely a special appeal to having a really smart woman over one’s knee for a spanking.
I don’t know whether it’s that one is taking her down a peg from all her brilliant magniloquence and distilling her to a baser level. Or perhaps it’s the idea that in spite of being so smart (as to use such big words that we have to look up), she’s still willing to be ignominously spanked, paddled and caned on her bare bottom. She’s still not too proud for a spanking.
I mean when you’re spanking a girl, you certainly don’t want to feel that you’re taking advantage of her lack of intelligence, that you’ve managed to manoever her over your knee because you’re smarter than she is and you’re using that “against her” as it were.
No, one needs to know that one’s playmate is complicit, at least on some level, and that she’s smart enough to know what it’s all about.
So Zille, tell us please; what did you study at school anyway? Or are you the type that keeps on studying even though you’re not at school?
Wow — by the time I got to this on Sunday morning, there were too many answers to get to in one go — you guys all rock! Here’s responses for the first three…
devlinoneill // August 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Let’s see … guy gets back from a road trip and is greeted by a very special young lady and a hot supper, then she says she wants to retire early and lures him into bed just to snuggle before she falls asleep (uh huh) and THEN proceeds to whisper the rough (!) draft of one of the naughtiest CP videos I ever heard of into his ear whilst fondling his chest – and she’s amazed at his visceral response!
Yeah, Zille – it was your ‘apprehension’ that appealed to him. You bet. *G*
Okay, Devlin, when you put it like that…!
Honestly, I wasn’t trying for seduction. I’d missed him so much during the week, and it had ended up being a very rough week, and I needed comfort and affirmation from him very badly. Of course, being needy tends to come out as “sexual,” from me, because, let’s face it, most things do! I’m just built that way — which happily my Master enjoys. I’ve had some exes accuse me of being “over-sexed,” which let me tell you is very annoying!
paul1510 // August 3, 2008 at 12:11 am
Zille dear girl, apprehension will turn a sadist on almost as much as doing the act.
The little brain takes over, not many women will admit that.
So you were able to relieve your Master’s “problem” that’s good.
That does sound like a hot scene.
Have a good Sunday.
Thank you, dear Paul!
That’s one thing I love so much about sadists!
I think it’s best to admit that one is thinking with one’s genitals — it explains one’s decision-making processes at the time!
Fyre // August 3, 2008 at 5:38 am
Fine dining indeed, moussaka for the main course and youssuka for dessert. Thanx for sharing the recipe.
Fyre — Ow! That’s your best/worst yet! Even my Master was groaning!
I do think blowjobs make the best dessert, of course! 
*bemused*
Nothing quite like cream pudding, is there, Zille?
me, i always call it banana cream pudding…
Zille, you are such a wicked innocent thing
and your rationalizations were quite entertaining.
Okay, now the next three!
Karl Friedrich Gauss // August 3, 2008 at 6:32 am
Just a word to let you know that I appreciate you sharing with us these intimate glimpses into your own personal psychology of spanking, Zille.
Thank you, Karl! I enjoy sharing, because it helps me figure myself out! As well as find other subs who feel the same way I do, or Tops who are complementary — so it helps on this very basic level to know I’m not only not alone, but also people share the very desires I do!
devlinoneill // August 3, 2008 at 9:04 am
Too right, Karl – fascinating stuff, and just BTW, this professor needed the Webster’s to find ‘magniloquent.’ It means lofty verbiage, similar to ‘grandiloquent,’ in case you didn’t know, so the writer here was being ironic – the little minx. *G*
Heehee, Dev! There’s nothing I like better in the world than to be called a little minx due to my vocabulary usage! It makes me giddy, I tell you!
Karl Friedrich Gauss // August 3, 2008 at 9:32 am
I don’t know whether it’s that one is taking her down a peg from all her brilliant magniloquence and distilling her to a baser level. Or perhaps it’s the idea that in spite of being so smart (as to use such big words that we have to look up), she’s still willing to be ignominously spanked, paddled and caned on her bare bottom. She’s still not too proud for a spanking.
I mean when you’re spanking a girl, you certainly don’t want to feel that you’re taking advantage of her lack of intelligence, that you’ve managed to manoever her over your knee because you’re smarter than she is and you’re using that “against her” as it were.
No, one needs to know that one’s playmate is complicit, at least on some level, and that she’s smart enough to know what it’s all about.
So Zille, tell us please; what did you study at school anyway? Or are you the type that keeps on studying even though you’re not at school?
Karl — I have a batchelor’s degree in comparative literature … but I keep studying even though I didn’t go on for any higher degrees (or haven’t yet, at any rate.) ‘Magniloquent’ was “the word of the day” (I get them emailed to me) a week or so ago. I find I don’t really learn the words unless I use them in sentences.
I also look up words I don’t know in books — I get most of my vocabulary from reading, as I am a hard-core bookworm!
There is a whole fetish for librarians, who are sort of the ideal of “the smart woman.” I had some pictures of me as a librarian done a while ago — I’ll see if I can dig them out!
But I also actually like to pretend during roleplay that I’m not “the brightest light on the Christmas tree,” and my Master is taking advantage of that! In the erotica I write, my spankees often think they are so very clever, but get tricked and trapped by much more clever spankers!
I love the fantasy of being manipulated … which of course I can only indulge in because I know my Master will never do any such thing outside of a scene! But it’s nice to play with it!
Beth // August 3, 2008 at 1:01 pm
*bemused*
Nothing quite like cream pudding, is there, Zille?
oatmeal girl // August 3, 2008 at 5:43 pm
me, i always call it banana cream pudding…
Zille, you are such a wicked innocent thing and your rationalizations were quite entertaining.
Okay, actually I am quite innocent, because I totally didn’t get where the cream pudding was coming from … I didn’t eat any cream pudding on Friday night — Oh! — you mean ejaculate! Doh! [there is no emoticon for my dorky embarrassed grin]
Wow, Zille, thanks for taking the trouble to answer back like this. You seem more and more intriguing the better I get to know you. So do you read fiction or non-fiction, or both? Any special genres or subjects you focus on? How about posting a contact email address on your blog?
Zille, thanks for sharing such a delightful story. Have to agree with Devlin’s first comment about what else did you expect from your Master than such a viceral response, but was charmed by your answer that seduction wasn’t on your mind, just comfort and affirmation. Very sweet.
Oh, and Professor, I did know the meaning of ‘magniloquent’ because I had a bear of an English teacher in high school. Have to love a site where a beautiful woman uses a ten dollar word in such a hot sexy post; and from reading your work it doesn’t surprise me you have a degree in comparative literature, Zille. I’m like you in that when I read I always look up words I’m not familiar with. I love to learn new words. Just picked up ‘prolix’ last week in a book. It may be familiar to most but was new to me. I am now dying to use it in a post or comment describing Devlin.
Love your term “hindbrain” and it is refreshing to hear a woman speak of thinking with it as men are frequently accused, rightfully so, of thinking with their “little head” all the time.
Hope you make that CP video and would love to see those librarian pictures, Zille.
Michael
Michael, glad to see you and Devlin enjoying yourself so much over here on Zille’s blog.
Zille, your blog is the best thing I’ve found in a long time out here on the ol’ “interweb”. Reminds me of an old Mondo 2000 article I read once about the internet — way back in the early days. It was called “Come to Ze Casbah”. I wish I knew what became of Mondo’s domineditrix, Queen Mu (aka Allison Kennedy). Vanished into oblivion as far as I can tell.
One more thing, Zille: I’ll bet no one has ever accused you of trying to come first in alphabetical order.