Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘Blogroll’ Category

Today is an international blog holiday, “Love Our Lurkers Day.” It’s a beautiful celebration each year of the scads of nameless readers who come by our blogs — sometimes just once, sometimes several times a day every day — who read our words, and share in our lives in a most quiet and unobtrusive way.

I am very lucky, and I’ve got some really great people commenting on this blog — and I deeply appreciate all of you!

But I also have hundreds of of anonymous viewers, some who come by from a random google search, some following a winding trail from other spanko blogs. Some of you stay for but a few moments (because some very strange search terms seem to bring you my way, and I always feel a bit sorry I had nothing to offer the people looking for such off-topic obscurities) but some of you stay and read my whole darned blog — and I hope I was able to give you something in that time!

Anyway, here is an invitation to comment, if you would like. I’d love to get to know you!

But if you wish to stay in the anonymous aether of the interwebs, know that you are appreciated as well!

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Well, dear readers, this matter is really heating up. Word is buzzing all over the spankosphere; the question: Who Is Fiona Locke?!

On my own blog, the comments to the last entry have spanned a wide range of hypotheses as to Ms. Locke’s true name. Even I’ve been accused of being her.

More speculation has been occurring all over the place: Ludwig’s comment that it was Pandora got not only a great deal of attention, but Pandora’s reply in denial, amusingly titled, “I’m Fiona Locke, and so’s my wife!“.

Hard on the heels of Pandora’s denial, an anonymous person called “Mystery Minx” has not only commented on my blog (and it seems on everyone else’s!), but started her own blog to the effect that it is Niki Flynn.

“Mystery Minx” has a list of details as to why she is so adamant that it’s famed spanko filmstar and writer Niki Flynn, however there are two serious problems in her theory. The first is from “Anonymous,” from Pandora’s blog:

Sorry to be obsessive but no, Fiona Locke is not Niki Flynn. Photographs of her were published on British Spanking dot com at the time of the 2004 Night of the Cane (and Niki was known by then anyway) and they are not remotely alike. Both have posted on that site and their written styles are different.

The other is from Niki herself, “The Locke Identity,” where Niki hypothesizes that Fiona Locke, whoever this person is, is actually stalking Niki.

“Mystery Minx,” in a surprising contradiction to her own blog, commented:

Niki, Niki, Niki… you needn’t worry about being a look-alike… Fiona is unquestionably the hottest, cutest, and sexiest person in the business! I can’t believe anyone would confuse you with her

And my Master commented in reply:

If there’s one thing to come out of this confusion, it’s that that young “lady” who goes by the name “MysteryMinx” is likely in need of a lengthy and intense program of encouragement to be polite to her elders and her betters.

Besides, she contradicts herself: previously, she had claimed that Niki and Fiona were the same person based on alleged physical similarities; now we’re supposed to believe that she — who had previous claimed equivalence — can’t believe anyone would confuse you two.

Which raises the question… who is MysteryMinx? She seems to be very engaged in this issue, which leads me to wonder if she might in fact herself be just a nom de plume for Fiona? On the plus side, MysteryMinx does seem to think quite highly of herself, so her comments (above) about Fiona would ring true as a piece of boastful narcissism.

Against which, her writing style is less accomplished than Fiona’s. This, though, could merely be a device to conceal her identity: a Brit pretending to be an American, or something like that.

I wonder if anyone else has any history of being stalked or investigated by MysteryMinx? If so, that’s consistent with Niki’s observations about Fiona!

I must say I agree with my Master’s conclusions. The next obvious suspect for being “Fiona Locke” is this “Mystery Minx” person.

• Why would she go through the effort of creating her own blog, and commenting on everyone else’s if she did not have a stake, or at least a serious interest in this matter?
• Why create such a provocative pseudonym, if not to get attention?
• Why cast suspicion on Niki Flynn, and then suddenly and impolitely retract it, offering no other possible candidate?

For now, my vote is with “Mystery Minx” — and I call her out, to prove she isn’t Fiona Locke!

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The above pictures are from my favourite of Niki’s film’s Trial By Ordeal. I recommend it highly!

Also, if you haven’t yet read Niki’s Dances with Werewolves (Memoirs of a Spanking Model), I recommend it as well!

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There are questions going around the spanko community (both online and off) about the identity of “Fiona Locke,” author of Over the Knee
and On the Bare.

I’ve read Over the Knee, and just adored it. And in the afterword, we read: “Apparently I’m the first Nexus author to pose for the cover of her own book.” And there she is, bright red bottom upturned over the knee — truth in advertising, for once!

But we don’t get to see Ms. Locke’s face….

I think it’s quite obvious from the writing that this author does actually have experience with the wide word of CP (unlike some authors of spanking erotica, but we won’t get into that here!) Also, even aside from the cover picture, we can tell the author is young: “Angie” is web-savvy (indeed, in the course of the story she takes part in a spanking website), goes out clubbing, and there’s a scene involving one of the characters stripping to ZZ Top in a North Carolinian strip-joint.

Of course, this doesn’t actually mean the author is a “she,” at all. In fact, it’s been bandied about that Fiona/Angie is actually Abel from The Spanking Writers (Although Abel denies it, he doesn’t say it’s not his wife Haron….)

So, what do we know…?

• We have the names “Fiona Locke” and “Angie“, each with their own website. (With the latter website referencing the former, so “Angie” is not afraid of being “outed” as Fiona — but Fiona doesn’t seem to want to link to Angie.)
• In the back of the book, Lucy McLean from Northern Spanking is thanked. Does Lucy know Fiona/Angie? Has she seen her face?
  On the English Vice website, Angie thanks “my friend Mija” — does Mija know who she is? If Lucy and Mija know her, has she been going to spanking parties all this time incognito?!
• Also on the English Vice website, we can see a bit of Angie’s face…
• EmmaJane claims not to be Fiona/Angie.

If you have any information to share regarding this please post a comment, or if you’ve written about it on your own blog please post a link here. I want to gather as much evidence as possible in one place!

I think it’s time that this mystery is resolved! “Fiona Locke” — come out, come out, where ever you are!

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It seems that not only are my fellow bloggers inspiring me to think/write about this topic, but I’m passing those thoughts along…!

My friend Polly Perverse had this to say on the matter:

Zille has been exploring the connection between desire, violence, and sex through various writers. It is something I have given much thought to. Particularly because in the field of psychology, the ability or even need to fantasize about sexual violence is connected with experiencing sexual violence. And as a result, the intrusion or development of violent sexual fantasies are construed as something to be cured.

There are very few if any books that explore this subject. In my view, the addition of violent and (subjectively) repulsive matter to sexual masturbatory fantasies is a way for many individuals to process the horror that humans can inflict on other humans.

Sometimes this is an experience that one has gone through directly and eroticised. Other times it is something one has heard about occurring to another and is trying to process. It bears a striking resemblance to post-traumatic play in that one can repeat the same scenario over and over again as if it were a memorized ritual handed down through generation

Little kids when faced with a horror reenact the same horror, with their own unique play acted flourishes, over and over and over again. Almost as if compelled by trance.

Sexual play is similar but not the same. It is similar because of the repetitive quality. It is differing in that there is no joy in post traumatic play. There is no insight and no resolution. In contrast, there is certainly joy in the way an adult can reproduce and re-experience ( in a controlled environment) an horrific past event in current sexual play and attempt to make sense of it.

For example, it is not uncommon for a strongly Jewish identified individual to want to engage in Nazi inspired role play. One can claim it, and by claiming it – change it. By changing it, take away the threat and the charge it carries psychically.

Humans often process horror by sexualizing it. It is not decadent. It is not trite. It is, in fact, adaptive. It is part of the human process of healing.

Thank you, Polly! That’s another thing I need to keep in mind, when I start to shy away from my own desires. People tend to use two things to deal with pain/fear/etc. The most common is making jokes about it (”laugh to keep from crying”) but the other, and not inferior, way is to sexualize it, make it your own.

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While I was angsting for five days over the writing of my last post, Kami Robertson quietly posted this little number, which at least compliments mine, but I personally think it simply leaves mine in the dust….

As I said earlier there are different names for our ‘game’.

There is a sexual abuse which happens in prison and other reformatory establishments where a guard abuses his power. It’s much more of a coercion really, because the girls knows she needs to comply if she want to avoid other, unpleasant and painful punishment.

There is the punishment fucking which seems for some weird reason to be extremely powerful for me. It hurts but there is no unnecessary violence, and the girl often cries. I don’t really know the reason for tears either. It might have something to do with humiliation or just a sign of resignation. I’m not sure yet.

And there is a proper rape scene, which in my opinion happens only when the girl has been kidnapped or attacked. It’s violent, brutal and hurt. Never had a pleasure to try that. Still on my list, along with a long scene full of misery, fear and abuse.

I admire Kami so much that she writes these things with such equinamity. The line, “And there is a proper rape scene,” just delights me with the ease with which it’s said, how it flows. I would stumble over it, thinking, “Do I dare use the word, “rape,” here, can I use it in conjunction with “violent, brutal, attacked” or would that be too offensive for people? This is my own journal, but on this topic I find myself self-censoring, making things sound more p.c. or at least (what I assume is) slightly more palatable by people who don’t have fantasies like mine.

Anyway, my own cowardice makes me really appreciate Kami, even more than I would from just finding a girl who’s sexuality overlaps my own so much.

In my case, I am lucky enough to be able to come from conventional sex. But, maybe “lucky” is the wrong word, because it let me get distracted by normal vanilla sex for years, and deny my desires for spanking and worse. I thought I was just sexually voracious (and was not displeased by that!) but the fact was that I couldn’t “get enough” because I wasn’t being fully satisfied — I had itches which were not getting scratched, and as much as I tried to ignore the itch, it just never went away. (And there we go: kink as stubborn rash. What sexy metaphors I’m going in for today!)

Anyway, despite being able to orgasm conventionally, it doesn’t really matter because when I play fantasies on the movie projector in my head, they are things that I’d wince and feel deeply uncomfortable trying to watch on TV or the big screen. As I’ve said before, I’m really mean to myself in my fantasies. A recent one was being beaten to the point of passing out (something which I have a certain fascination with, due to Victorian erotica) and then my unconscious body being used — and not in a sweet, romantic love-making kind of way! (The wry thought that this fantasy really is only of any use in my head does occur to me in the background of all this, that if I did this in real life, I’d be passed out and not able to properly appreciate being used and abused!)

Ah well — the main point of this post is to introduce you to Kami, if you’re not already reading her, and to thank her for her openness and sharing of difficult truths. I think even more than me, she deserves the wonderful compliment Mo gave me on my last post: “I offer you a fierce cry of solidarity for your making yourself so flagrantly effulgently vulnerable in your strength and your utter soulnakedness.”

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