Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘BDSM’ Category

Here is an excellent article which I think anyone who does kinky play (or is looking into getting into that sort of thing) must read, contemplate, and discuss with play partners and anyone who will hold still for the discussion.

The BDSM scene can get a bit too caught up in trying to codify the “rules” of kinky play. Since we are all playing different games at different levels of intensity, this ranges from silly to stupid in results, although of course one understands the desire to have one set of stable and unchanging rules — doing kinky stuff is playing with fire, and people want to figure out how to make that as safe and rewarding as possible. Sadly, making people jump through hoops of rules they may or may not want or need can take away the “rewarding” part, and can sabotage the “safe” by people rebelling and saying that “Safe, sane, and consensual” is utter bollocks. Hell, even I am more likely to call myself “Risk aware consensual,” because the SSC people have become so weirdly puritanical.

On the other hand, at least the BDSM scene is trying to do something to address the issues (issues like sub-drop, in this case). From experiencing the spanko world over the past couple years, I can say with certainty that some spankos are so insistent that what they do has nothing to do with anything that remotely involves BDSM, that they “cut off their nose to spite their face,” ignoring the good possibilities and examples that comes from the organized BDSM community. Safewords have their place, for example, in the spanko world. But people have to remember that safewords are not a perfect band-aid for every situation. I guess safewords are a bit like condoms: they are good tools to making play safer, but they do not take away all risk, and they don’t protect against a number of ways that diseases can be transmitted (and they can break!) and so an attitude that they makes things 100% safe is stupid and can have regrettable results. (And of course, some couples don’t want or need to use condoms, and forcing them to do so is really imposing your agenda on someone else.)

So, not everyone needs or wants after-care. But the fact that post-play “fallout” happens needs to be recognized and acknowledged, and people need to either offer some remedy for it or make it clear that they don’t offer anything for it, before play happens between new partners. It could be as simple as asking, “Do you have someone whom can lean on if you feel down after this scene?” Here, I’ll use the metaphor of fire again: you don’t just start a fire in a forest without doing some basic forest-fire-prevention steps, and you clean up after yourself.

I don’t care if you want to believe you’re not kinky and that spanking is entirely unrelated to the BDSM and fetish worlds. Fine — if that’s what you need to accept your desires and live a fulfilling life, go for it. But you still have to be responsible and treat the people with whom you do-whatever-it-is-that-you-do with respect and consideration. And that’s what things like safewords and after-care really are, under the terminology: care, consideration, respect, and responsibility.

Okay, I’m backing away from the soapbox! Back to your fun, everyone, because just because you need to be an adult about the broader aspects of this doesn’t mean you can’t savour it like a kid!

Okay, this is not a spanking-related post, but you can blame Haron, a Spanking Writer, for it, so it is spanking-related in it’s own special way!

Warning: what this IS is very geeky. Do not continue reading if rampant geekishness offends or frightens you! Also, if you don’t like kinky play that doesn’t involve spanking, just scroll down to the previous post now!

I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation when it first came out – I remember watching the first episode with my parents. It’s weird now to remember back to when I was young and watched TV with my parents in the evening. Although, come to think of it, some of my best memories of childhood are watching Benny Hill and Dr. Who with my dad in the evening. My mom didn’t approve of Benny Hill, but if you think about it, the jokes are often at the level where any child who can talk can appreciate them – because fart jokes are ageless – and kids don’t worry about the stuff that goes over their heads. They are so involved with the things they are focused on, that adult humor generally doesn’t tend to effect them the way some adults fear. Also, I used to get up and run around the room at the end of the show, and make my parents join in. So it really is family entertainment!)

(I can’t find an example of an ending “chase scene” to Yakety Sax on YouTube, but here are some gym skirts in action!)

But TNG didn’t make me a Star Trek geek. I enjoyed the shows, but fanaticism was not inspired. (I was too young to fully appreciate Captain Jean Luc Picard, I think!) What put me around the bend was something that happened when I was in college.

I didn’t have a TV in college – I figured it was an unneeded distraction, and I was happily entrenched in the superior-than-thou “Kill your television” ideal. But one day I’d burnt out all my synapses studying, and I found myself in the student lounge, watching an episode of Star Trek which featured Worf. I enjoyed it very much, but thought no more about it.

But that night, I had the most amazing dream. I was on the Klingon homeworld (Qo’noS, for those who care), with my fiancé, who happened to be a Klingon, and he was taking me around his hometown and showing it to me. I felt this amazing love for him – the most beautiful romantic love – and when I woke up, I actually felt slightly devastated that I’d never see him again, because I could still feel all that love in my heart.

From that moment on, Klingons became very diverting to me!
Read the rest of this entry »

There’s been memes going around the blogs like the annual winter flu is going around me and all my friends.

None have really excited me that much, but Graham has fixed that! Here is her meme. I’ve caught Graham fever — you can too!

1. Tell us your Kinsey rating! (That is, where you fall, approximately, on the spectrum of sexuality, with zero being “only attracted to members of the opposite sex” and six being “only attracted to members of the same sex.” Follow the link for the full breakdown.)

I’m a “3” but in interesting ways. When it comes to masturbating, most of my fantasies involve a male (or at least masculine) – but in real life, I’m far more comfortable with women. I have some male spanko friends I trust, but they go through a very fine filter. But I’ll make out with or plunk myself over the lap of … well, I shouldn’t say, “most women,” but my social sieve is rather less selective! Or perhaps women are all just “finer”!

2. Spanking / BDSM “type” that suits you best (switch, top, masochist, grand-master-wizard, etc.):

Mostly-bottom-switch. I get the most from receiving the spanking … but sometimes even I must admit that there are times when there is nothing better than warming up someone’s bottom!

3. Favorite blog / site of the moment (kinky/spanking-themed):

I’ll say Pandora, because I’ve been engaging in mutual stalking with her….

4. Favorite non-kinky blog / site of the moment:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/

5. Latest spanking fantasy floating in your head:

My fantasies get more and more extreme … until they reset to a simple one of being put over Daddy’s lap for a spanking. The default reset is non-sexual, but then the sex worms its way in … first Daddy puts a finger in my bottom while lecturing me on my bad behaviour (as Graham says, don’t ask where this stuff comes from!) … and next thing you know, I’ve worked up to being kidnapped by slave traders and “broken in.”

6. Blogger you’d like to spank / be spanked by:

As Graham is responsible for this meme, I think it only fair she pay for it by getting over my lap! But that’s for when we both are actually in spanking-distance of each other!

7. Age when you lost your (consensual, adult) spanking virginity — if this has yet to happen, give us a prediction or goal!

This is hard! I did some “rough sex” and roleplay in senior year of high school, and freshman year of college my open-minded boyfriend spanked me (he wasn’t really into it, but thought leaving red hand-prints was really fun!) and then my first BDSM scene was later, junior year of college. But I can’t say I was spanked by a proper spanko until I met my Master!

8. Favorite literary reference (excluding spanking stories!):

I find Heinlein answers for both spanking and non-spanking!

“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”

For Heinlein on spanking, SpankingBlog has my favourite spanking scene in Heinlein.

9. Strangest limit:

Cold water. I’d rather boiling pitch be poured on me!

10. Some Random Vanilla Trivia, in the grand tradition of memehood… Like, “what are you listening to right now,” or “what’s your favorite fruit,” or anything similarly banal.

“Leeds United” by Amanda Palmer. And any fruit except kiwi fruit, which I think is icky!

Kink.com has done us gals an invaluable service. They are making a series of “How to give a blow job” videos.

Of course, they have also done a favour for anyone who likes looking at girls giving blowjobs. Especially girls as delicious as Bobbi Starr, upon whom I now have a tremendous crush…

I mean, hello? Phwoar!

Well, that’s just a perfect body, huh?

I looked for a view of her bottom getting caned, as I know you lot, and that’s what you want to see! (Never mind that’s also what I like to see it…!)

[See Bobbi Star get caned on Kink On Demand]

Last Sunday, Bonnie over at My Bottom Smarts asked:

Have you ever decided to give up spanking? If so, for what reasons? Did you expect to walk away forever or did you anticipate a temporary abstinence? Why did you return?

Well, I started my reply, but then got to busy to get it up in time, so I’ve finally finished it, and I’m posting it here.

I’ve known that I was kinky since earliest memory. But when I was about twelve, I renounced everything “weird” about me, because I wanted to stop being a geek, bookworm, and general nerd, and become “popular.” One of the “weird” things I rejected about myself was the sexuality I had always somehow known was “different.” So I decided that I would be straight, vanilla – I started reading romances to give me an idea of how to be “normal” sexually. (I’m not sure that was a very good plan – in a very non-feminist way those books are kinky in their own way!)

Happily, when I was 17, my friends sort of conspired to “out” me as kinky to myself. One friend gave me “Exit to Eden,” for my birthday. Another gave me “Venus in Furs.” And the girl I had my first crush on one day brought in a pair of handcuffs to school … and when she put them on me, I felt so horny I could have popped!

Even so, I fought it a bit. I was worried that if I started getting off on pain, “I’ll forget how to get off on pleasure.” (Don’t ask me where I got that idea! And, happily, it hasn’t been the case. Sometimes when my Master and I have vanilla sex, I’m overwhelmed by how good vanilla can be!)

So it wasn’t until college, after my first reading of Pat Califia’s “Macho Sluts,” (I skipped all my classes, stayed in bed and read and masturbated all day!) that I fully accepted that I was a full-on, no holds barred pervert.

So I spent about 6 years in denial of some form or another. Happily, this didn’t really interfere with too much of my adult life … but if I look back and think that instead of doing risky “mostly-safer-sex” (I was really only concerned about pregnancy – considerations of herpes or genital warts or other STDs just didn’t even enter into it!) I could have just been getting spankings – like in some Blushes story, where an Older Gentleman steps forward to protect, educate, and discipline a young lady, sighhhhh – it does make me wish I’d never sworn off it!

My Master had his own period of renouncing spanking. As a young man, he had built up quite a collection of Janus and Blushes magazines. He’s not here for me to ask him exactly what age he swore off spanking, and threw them all out, but it was before his 30s, I’m pretty sure. You can hear the regret in his voice when he talks about the magazines he simply discarded – some of which he has not been able to replace, in the years since he reclaimed his kinky sexual birthright.

Both he and I thought we were “walking away forever” when we made our choices. And we both returned because we had no choice. I had good friends who forced me to confront my desires, my core-self. He moved to the US and discovered spanking parties and being able to go to dungeons and pay nice ladies to lay across his lap.

And thank the gods of CP that we both allowed ourselves to accept that part of ourselves – or we probably would never have met!