Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘daddy/girl’ Category

This is the post I’ve been meaning to put up all week, but keep being distracted by other shiny things…!

“I’m your girl,” I said, as I snuggled in under his arm, “I’m 100% all yours!”

“Good girl,” he replied, and he held me close, and we drifted off to sleep together.

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By the time the weekend was upon us, I’d worked myself into being a formless mass of brainless jelly. Friday night I was too exhausted to do anything, and then Saturday it seemed clear that I was fighting off some bug. I got up, and went right back to bed three times! He was a wonderful Daddy, and after I dragged myself out of bed in the late afternoon, left me with orders to remain on the sofa and watch Star Trek until he returned from getting groceries for our dinner, and to stock me up for the next week while he would be away on business. We he came back, I was feverish, but felt so loved and cared for that I couldn’t help but feel a bit better. We went to bed early, and while we snuggled, he told me about the scene he’d wanted to have with me that day. I was entirely dismayed to have missed that opportunity, and couldn’t help but have those fears that I was disappointing him so much that he’d loose interest in playing with me … but he assured me that the scene will happen as soon as possible, and to be honest, I felt so crappy that the idea of adding pain to the mix was simply not attractive at that moment!

He was only telling me about the scene he wanted to have with me to make me feel loved. He knows I get so excited about the though of him thinking about me, and wanting to do “terrible” things to me … and so he was just letting me know that he’d indeed been doing so.

Sunday we had a brunch with a group of kinky friends: Midori and her wife, my Kissing Cousin Ariel and her RubrLuvr, T & L from Oz, and Mistress Absolute from the UK – a very international and well-traveled group of perverts! We ate dim sum and talked about anything and everything under the sun, and it was just one of those lovely get-togethers of your own peers, where you can just discuss anything at all and get an enthusiastic (and probably very knowledgeable!) response.

Afterwards, I felt a bit renewed from the happy companionship, and when we got home I managed to cook him dinner (Scotch Broth) so it would be ready when we got back from our movie.

I love when he takes me out to movies. It’s not very often, and so it always feels special. This was especially special, as it was Coraline in 3D, and Neil Gaiman is very much a shared thing we delight in (yes, I mean thing – not just his books, but his blog, which we both read and discuss. Neither of us has met Neil, although we both feel very fond about him and happy for him when good things come his way, so I can’t say that Neil as a person is who we delight in, since we don’t really know him as a person – although I think it’s probably safe to assume it – but the whole Neil Gaiman thing is something we know about and can share). We got popcorn (he insists that he hates popcorn, but he would always eat mine, so this time I gently suggested we get two bags of it, and he must have spilled his or something, but long before I finished my bag, his was empty!)

We came home from the wonderful movie all jazzed up, me feeling the best I had in days. My bad girl side was in effect, not being bad so much as cheeky and bold. He really seems to like the occasional taste of that, and so I did things like walk up behind him as he waited for me to leave the loo in the theatre, and grabbed his ass so that he jumped out of his skin, not knowing who’d just grabbed a goodly handful of his right cheek! I flirted outrageously in the car, made out with him in the elevator, and when we got into the apartment, pushed him onto the bed and gave him the Mother Of All Blow-jobs.
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When I was a kid, anything that had spanking in it would have my immediate attention. Even a small reference to it would take a book from a “read once,” to a “cherish and read often.” The 1916 book about two twins living in prehistoric times, The Cave Twins, had a special place on my bookshelf, and a page surreptiously marked with the slightest of dog-ears (it happened by accident, obviously!) where the cave twins, Firetop and Firefly, get in trouble. This bit of text is what tantilized me so:

” Where did you come from, you naughty little weasels?” cried Limberleg angrily.

“From the cave,” said Firefly. “We followed you because we want to see what lies beyond the blue hills across the river, too. And if you are going to spank us, please do it right away, because we are awfully hungry.”

“Oh, no,” cried Firetop. ” You needn’t do it now if you’d rather not! Couldn’t you put it off until we get home again? We’re willing to wait, and you’d have more time then.”

Limberleg and Hawk-Eye didn’t discuss the matter. They sat right down on the log and began. Limberleg took Firefly and Hawk-Eye took Firetop, and they spanked and spanked.

“Now, can we have something to eat?” sniffled Firetop when it was over. Limberleg looked at Hawk-Eye.” We can’t send them back alone,” she said. Firetop saw that they were going to give in.

“The hyenas would surely get us,” he said plaintively. ” We’re pretty small to go back alone,” sobbed Firefly.

Another book that was a guilty pleasure (this had a small grubby bit of once-white pipe-cleaner stuck inside it, on the same, “I have no idea how that got there — it must have fallen in! It’s certainly not a bookmark!” principle) was a book of poems called A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein. I can’t find the text of the poem online, but I have read it so often I still think I can remember it:

Johnnie built a guillotine
and tried it on his sister Jean
said mother running with the mop
these messy games have got to stop!

Now, I know this has nothing to do with spanking, but beside the poem was an illustration of Jean on her hands and knees, head in the “lunette” of the guillotine, blade still high, and Johnnie with a look of pure boyish sadism on his face (and in the background, mother running with the mop and bucket!). Why did I like this enough to mark the spot in the book where I could find it? It was Jean’s postion: on her hands and knees, in bondage. I couldn’t look at that image enough!

But then there was the real smut of my childhood. They were two books from a series by Dare Wright, about a doll who is adopted by a bear, that my mom had bought for me, approved for children by various children’s book associations and concerned mothers everywhere. The first book is The Lonely Doll. In these first two images from it, you can see immediately my attraction…

Okay, so how could a kid who was titillated at the very mention of spanking resist these images, I ask you?! The second is obvious (although further improved by the text that goes beneath it: ” ‘I may be a silly’, Mr. Bear answered, ‘but I know when a naughty little girl needs a spanking.’ “) but even the first, with the paternal Mr. Bear holding that ruler, that was just up my alley. Or, rather, helped me build my alley!
The spankings continue in the next book Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, I managed to avoid this meme when kaya tagged all her readers, but now Mollena has tagged me in a most unequivocal way, so here I go:

seven random things you didn’t know about me (but do now)

1. I love dinosaurs, and my favorite is Triceratops — because he was an herbivore, but could still kick T-Rex’s ass all over town.
2. I have read the Lord of the Rings trilogy at least 20 times in my life. And I HATE the movies! My favorite character is Treebeard.
3. I sleep with a stuffed wolf cub every night, named Kodah.
4. Except when my Master goes on trips very far away. Then I ask him to take Kodah with him, so I won’t worry so much. When my Master went to India, he sent back pictures of Kodah in hotel rooms, at ancient temples, contemplating Indian squirrels, etc. While Kodah is away with my Master, I may sleep with a black bear named Olallieberry, or my stuffed Triceratops, named Trinity.
5. I love being in small enclosed spaces. You’ve heard of claustrophobia — I have claustrophilia! It started when I was a kid — I have memories of favorite small enclosed spaces that are richer than most of my other memories. One was in a doctor’s office “kid’s playroom,” that had a niche you could only get into by a small round hole, and once inside, one wall was stained glass, and the colorful light made me really happy. For some reason, it was part of my sexuality — I remember being in small enclosed spaces the same way I remember fantasizing about the spanking monsters, or finding references to spanking in books or tv.
6. Also sexual from my childhood: the smell of new gym mats. A very rubbery smell. I like the smell of latex clothing just fine, but if you put me in a room with a gym mat, I’ll be lying on it and breathing in deeply through my nose (errr, that’s the polite way of saying “huffing”) in no time flat!
7. The jobs I wanted to have, in chronological order: paleontologist (circa age 5), librarian (circa age 8), writer and illustrator (circa age 12), spy and/or navy pilot (circa age 15 — yes I’d gotten into the John Le Carré section of the library, and that was around the time Top Gun came out…), interior designer (circa age 17), porn star (circa age 19), web-designer (circa age 23). I’m now back to wanting to be a writer (when I grow up — heh!), although I’m happy doing web-design and working in the porn industry, too!

So there you are. Proof of my geekiness laid out for all to see!

In return I tag:
Paul — please do this meme in the comments for this post!

I don’t know who else from my friends has already done this post, so if you are reading this, and feel like doing it, feel free to leave it in the comments for this post if you don’t have a blog, or do it on your blog (in which case, let me know so I can go read it!)

I spend a certain amount of time (more than I should, most likely!) over on FetLife. I often want to link to some of those Fetlife conversations over in this blog, as they can become quite fascinating (or sometimes quite amusing, when someone says something stupid) however, since one can only read the discussions if one is a member, that doesn’t entirely work.

Anyway, there’s a couple recent discussions I thought I’d share. The first is from a forum I started, called (unsurprisingly!) “Spanked Schoolgirls.” A member posted the following question:

I often wonder if people who love to be spanked/spank can be classed as BDSM folk. I’m mainly into HOH and DD and although I love roleplay and anything to do with the schoolgirl theme, does this constitute being into BDSM ? What do you think?

My response:

Basically, the answer is: “It’s entirely up to you!”

I am into BDSM, therefore, I have no trouble putting spanking under that catagory. When I first got into BDSM, I just assumed that it was….

How wrong I was! There are the spankos, the DD/HOH people, and probably others as well, who get VERY OFFENDED if you tell them they are into BDSM. And so I don’t. And they get along very happily telling themselves they are different from those nasty BDSM perverts.

The nasty BDSM perverts that I know, however, all love spanking and schoolgirl roleplay, and all have done it and many do it as a regular staple of play. They just enjoy other activities as well; such as bondage, dripping wax on people, wearing collars, and making people wear ouchie nipple clamps! (For a small seclection of examples!)

So you are only into BDSM if you say you are into BDSM. If you don’t want to be lumped in with the leather folk, you don’t have to be! You can be with the “we are only into spanking, which is just good clean fun” folks, or you can be with the DD/HOH folks — or, like me, you can try to live in all those worlds … although that means a certain number of spankos and DD people don’t really accept you.

Happily, the nasty BDSM perverts welcome pretty much every stripe of kinky person with open arms!

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It’s really funny, everyone who links to me puts me in a different category, depending on what my recent blog posts have been about.

• If I’ve been putting up some of the pictures from my modeling days, they put me under “spanking model,” or “fetish model.”
• If I’m linking to spanking blogs and classic spanking videos, then I’m put in the “general spanking” category.
• If I’ve been talking about my relationship with Mr Defeu, then this blog is a “Master slave blog.” (Or even, a “blog about master/servant relationships” — Oh well, at least he thinks it’s “fascinating”!)*

Back when I did DarkPlay.net , I knew the site was never going to be a commercial success the way it was a critically acclaimed artistic success because I was too diversified: I did spanking shoots, and every fetish you could imagine, and sometimes just vanilla stuff like a nice lesbian threesome or what-have-you. And people looking for porn generally want the one thing they want: spanking, hold the latex. Or hardcore bondage, and don’t let’s see that boring vanilla twaddle! Or feet and stockings; what are you bothering with this other stuff for? Or, if it don’t involve pee, it ain’t for me!

But I thought when I started doing this blog that I had managed to concentrate my varied kinky interests into the specific and most vital ones. I don’t write here about the tentacle monster anime that I love. I’ve been in erotic cannibalism fetish shoots, and vampiric blood-drinking shoots. But what I post here is spanking stuff (and yes, some bondage, but they go together like chocolate and peanut butter!)

But now I wonder: am I still too diversified? Are the spankos turned off because I’m in an M/s relationship? Are the M/s people bored with my blog because my Master and I do more spanking and Daddy/girl stuff and less high Gorean protocol? Do the “real” people not trust me because I’ve been a porn model?** (And I don’t even have to ask if the domestic discipline people sniff and look down their noses at me because I’m unashamedly into various aspects of BDSM — okay, okay, all the aspects.)

Do I just not fit in anywhere?

Bah. I don’t know. I think I’m coming down with something; I have a sore throat and a fever. Undoubtedly this is just me feeling down because I don’t feel well, and I’ll be back to being your chipper kinky blogger soon.

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* Really, I should just be appreciative that he linked to me in the first place — he could easily have just linked to the website itself. And Depeche Mode has a really great song called “Master and Servant.”
**I have always loved that because I was a pro-model, I thus somehow lost my “realness.” I must now be an imaginary person. Indeed, every pro-model, be she a porn model, fetish model, or fashion model must just actually be a figment of a sort of mass hallucination!