Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘english vice’ Category

Mr Defeu and I have become utterly addicted to Midsomer Murders. Last night we were watching “Tainted Fruit” (Midsomer Murders Season 4 #1, Episode 19), and Mr Defeu had to rewind so we could watch a bottom get slapped! (In the image above, the reason she’s looking at him like that, and why her skirt has movement in it, is that he’s just slapped her bottom — and that’s the woman he’s just proposed to, watching from the door!

(It’s about 9 minutes in…)

Of course, we weren’t actually surprised or anything — Midsomer Murders is, after all, known for the kinky sex that they manage to work into every episode, either as a main plot device or an amusing side note. In Midsomer Murders Season 3 #2, Episode 11) “Blue Herrings”, we see full-on kink!

Anyway, the great thing about this show is that the kink (no matter how squicky — see the first episode for that!) is presented in a “well, that’s life” kind of manner, and one of the characters, Detective Sergeant Gavin Troy, is played as being a bit homophobic and closed-minded — and is teased and treated as a prudish ol’ stick-in-the-mud by Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby.

Anyway, it’s a great show, and the occasional spank shows up to perk up any spanko viewers. (Also, as if just to make Mr Defeu a happy man, there is almost always a girl in equestrienne garb in every episode!)

Funny to find this after yesterday’s post! Originally posted on 10th Apr 2006.

Well, you’ve all been good patient people, who have posted to let me know you like being voyeurs into my sex life [grins at you all] so here is an image from Mr Defeu’s birthday!

That’s a green school-girl gym-skirt you see on me. Oh, what a hot scene it was! My grades had been slipping, you see, and my teacher had me come over to his house for some discipline…. By this point my hands have been hit with a tawse, and the front of my thighs tawsed as well. I have been spanked, caned with a light cane in several positions, caned with a heavier cane also in couple postions, and then soundly fucked (in a variety of positions! And oh — sex with Mr Defeu is simply wonderful. But sex after being caned is beyond description.)

Then, a heavy nasty mean tawse was taken to my bottom (that would be the over-all redness you see) and then I got a final six from the cane which nearly had me climbing off the bed in pain!

It was amazing. After it was all done, and we were snuggling, I asked Mr Defeu, “Who’s birthday is it, again?!” Remember that picture of me looking all glow-y? I took that a few hours later.

I have a big long post to write about masochism another time, but suffice it to say, for now, that I am very happy with being a masochist and I am glad I am in the hands of someone who knows what to do with me!

Continued from Part I. I should warn you that this turned into a long and not particularly coherent ramble, with thoughts coming out faster then I could write them down, and so it doesn’t go in any well-mapped direction, nor come to a tidy conclusion….

Happy reminisces aside (and he’s given me plenty of lovely sensation-memories to contemplate in bed while he’s off on a business trip this week) the main reason I shared this scene was because it has really got me thinking about my long strange trip around the land of which Sacher-Masoch is king. (Or at least the guy who gave it its name!)

I’ve written before about how I was surprised as hell when I first got into BDSM and discovered that even though I’d been fantasizing about pain all my life, it actually hurt, and how that made me back off and explore submission and other kinky stuff, certain I was a failed masochist who could only dream but not live up to my own fantasies.

And, I’ve written how Mr Defeu and the Senior cane changed all that one amazing evening.

But that “voyage of discovery” wasn’t over, and I’m still very much learning about the intersection of pain and me.

Coming from the BDSM world, the spanko world confused me. In BDSM, masochists are out, proud, and boast of their masochistic depths – indeed, the most sought after thing is to be a “bottomless pit” which can take all the pain a Top dishes out – and preferably orgasm from it. (Of course, not many people are actually like this, and this ideal probably alienates many people as much as it did me!)

On the other hand, so many spankos claim to not enjoy pain at all. They suffer CP to get other rewards, they claim. This point of view helped me, when first arriving from the cult of the masochist (“Ah! It’s okay that pain hurts!”) However, it soon got in my way, because there are indeed times when a stroke hits just right, and I process it as pleasure. Or I get a spanking that amps things up slowly, just right yet again, and I can actually come from it, just like a real big masochist, mommy!

That’s what made me want to change the common-use (within the BDSM/spanko communities) definition of masochist, from “someone who enjoys pain” to “someone who gets something from pain” (which is what the dictionary definition is, anyway). Because I think most people who want to be spanked (or otherwise caned, whipped, strapped, or paddled) fall somewhere in-between the 0 of “I get nothing from being spanked” to the 10 of “I am a raging masochist who will come from being skinned alive”.

But this post is ranging too far in scope – I actually meant to just be talking about my own self-discoveries. Just as sexuality is fluid, so is masochism, it seems. (Although of course, for me, I don’t think there is any real division between my sexuality and my masochism.) Some days I just want the CP equivalent of love pats. Other days I crave my fundament being turned entirely black and blue….

But even more, as I learn more about myself, my own ability to take more and different kinds of pain expands.
Read the rest of this entry »

This is the “fun bit” of a two-part post. First I’ll recount a lovely scene Mr Defeu and I just did, and then tomorrow I’ll talk about some of the thoughts it has brought up for me. Dessert before dinner, for those of you who are just here for the spanking and kinky sex. But for those of you who want the “deep thoughts” part, the best is yet to come!

I was feeling a bit low on Saturday afternoon (despite some lovely first-thing-upon-waking-sex) and of course Mr Defeu knows the best way to perk me up: “I think there shall be a scene, this weekend,” he announced. “Oh, really?” I asked, suddenly buoyed up nicely. He nodded, and said nothing further, keeping his devious plans to himself.

Sunday morning rolled around, and as we cuddled in spoon-position after waking up, something else woke up, and poked me in lower right bum-cheek. “Aaaah,” I said, (always profound, me!) “Would you like me to go change into something more suitable?”

I was instructed to change into a vest (that’s a wife-beater, to American readers) and gym-cut knickers (which I took to mean short cotton-spandex shorts, not regulation knickers – and, as I wasn’t punished for wearing the wrong thing, must have made the right call!) and so, clad in a white vest, navy gym shorts, and two pony-tails (not just to be cute, but to keep my hair out of the way, as I had a feeling fellatio would factor into things somewhere, and also, getting a mouthful of hair during a beating, always after having been told not to move your arms, is both frustrating and embarrassing), I knocked on the bedroom door, and was curtly instructed to enter.

I was fighting a grin quite strongly at this point. I so very much wanted to be in role, but I was really just too happy that filthy perverted stuff was about to happen. I managed to have my face mostly under control by the time I got inside the door.

“Well, my girl,” he said in full disappointed “this will hurt me more than it hurts you” Authority Figure Mode, “What did I tell you about being too rowdy last night?”

Uh, I don’t know! – was my first thought, and not one I said outloud – I didn’t remember being particularly boisterous or unruly the night before. So I tried for an all-purpose defence: “Um, youthful high spirits?”

That justification was of course deemed quite beneath regard, and I was treated to a lecture on how I had quite ruined his evening, but he didn’t want to be imposed upon to have to punish me when he was trying to get some RnR, and so he would attend to me now.

I was lapping this right up of course, although I gave a token stab at self-defence and tying to talk my way out of what was coming to me. (You can’t very well say, “Yay! Yay! Lecture me more!”)

This worked so well that I ended up being pulled over his lap as he sat on the side of the bed, and him laying right into me with heavy, hard spanks.
Read the rest of this entry »

Last night Mr Defeu and I watched Time Shift: Series 10: Crime and Punishment – The Story of Corporal Punishment.

I have to say, it was really, really surreal to see CP images just playing on the television, not in a porn DVD, but as part of a show made for general viewing.

Here is the description (which is clearly made for people who are coming to the programme opposing CP…)

Timeshift lifts the veil on the taboo that is corporal punishment. What it reveals is a fascinating history spanning religion, the justice system, sex and education. Today it is a subject that is almost impossible to discuss in public, but it’s not that long since corporal punishment was a routine part of life. Surprising and enlightening, the programme invites us to leave our preconceptions at the door so that we may better understand how corporal punishment came to be so important for so long.

I’m still trying to fully sum up to myself what I thought of the show. It was one of those eye-opening reminders that the rest of the world does not live in my happy CP bubble, and that corporal punishment apologists are not seen with much sympathy out there in the cold, cruel, spanking-free world.

And of course, there is whole matter of how people who were against CP pointed out that it could be eroticised, and it was used in porn – which was seen as suitable condemnation, no further discussion needed…..

Since I was watching the programme with Mr Defeu, that means I was watching it with someone who had actually experienced CP at school, which meant I got to ask him questions about his own experiences, to supplement the programme … which improved it greatly, and made it a good deal more relevant. I’m hoping that he will have the time to post some of his own thoughts here.

Obviously, this was a discussion of real-life CP, not This Thing We Do. And of course, to get in the discussion of whether it’s okay to have CP in the real world, not just in consensual bedroom games, is well beyond what I intend to write about here (because I’ve had enough drama on my blog recently, thank you, and I find it really upsetting to dread checking my own blog’s comments, because yet another upsetting can of worms has been opened).

So I can’t really, I guess, blame the show for avoiding the intersection of CP in the real world, and the world of consensual adult CP. I suppose it was quite brave of them to make the show in the first place, although of course if you want to get good ratings, you can’t do enough programmes like this. Because, no matter what people have to say about CP, so many are fascinated by it.

And that actually says a lot about it all, to me! People find a reason to watch shows like this, no matter what they otherwise think about CP. And a desire to watch “real” CP clips from the past is certainly no “better” (for whatever value of “better” you want to use there) then watching consenting adults who are getting paid to take their whacks.

Watch Time Shift: Series 10: Crime and Punishment – The Story of Corporal Punishment via BBC iPlayer Online