Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘events’ Category

I had a picture of me from a reading I did at Good Vibrations promoting Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories, but I didn’t really have any reason to post it (it being rather in the past by this point in time), so it was just sitting around on my computer, and I kept thinking, “I need a reason to post this!” every time I ran across them.

Well, Ms Cassandra has just given me not only a good reason, but a lovely compliment as well. I quote from her blog:

I walked over to the Barnes & Noble to look up two particular erotic short story anthologies. I didn’t find those anthologies, but saw Rachel Kramer Bussell’s spanking collection, Bottoms Up.

I know a woman whose story was published in that anthology. I THOUGHT I’d read it; it turns out that I hadn’t. Her name is Zille Defeu, she’s a blogger and she was the organizer of the recent San Francisco Corporal Punishment party. At the Barnes & Noble I flipped to her story. Big mistake — it was terrific. I’m thinking, shit, there’s no way I’d ever get published again if THIS is my competition.

What a lovely compliment from Sandy — it was very kind of her to post that!

And now that I’ve used my excuse for this post, I can finally put up the picture of me from the reading!

Don’t I look all calm and collected and stuff? I was terrified! I can do public speaking, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it! Rachel has video footage of at least some of it, I think, and I probably sound reasonably sanguine about the whole thing … but inside I was quaking in my boots. But I’ve sternly told myself that if I am going to work at being a published author, I’m going to have to do readings — it’s part of the job description! And the only way to get less nervous about the whole thing is for it to become something I’ve done so much it’s a walk in the park — boring, even! (It’s rather hard to be nervous and bored at the same time, I find!)

I have to run and fold laundry now, but I’ve got so much to catch you all up with (tons of pictures!) and now that the party is over and my life is less in-complete-chaos, I want to get back to proper blogging!

I have so much to write about the party, and I can’t yet organize all those thoughts in one place, but the first thing I want to do is give a view of the party from the people attending it. Here are a number of tweets written from before, during, and after the party. (Although they are in reverse order, latest to oldest, below.) It was wonderful how many people tweeted their kind thoughts about the party, and it makes me very happy to read. It also gives the best peek into what the party was like as it was going on – as opposed to what both I and other people write about it later.

eltercerojo: Yay! Just got off the freeway. @paulatnorthgare got us home in under 5.5 hours. #sfcp is over… until next time.

zilledefeu: Ok, me is go to nap now. More thank yous and reminisces from #sfcp later! But it may take a few days for the huge grin to wear off my face!

zilledefeu: Also thank you to @MsMaggieMayhem for enough safer sex supplies to keep a Caliguan-style debauchery going for a week! #sfcp

zilledefeu: I adore @eltercerojo @paulatnorthgare @TheMysteryMinx @asparkle2 @Firemn_Chris (and non-tweety friends!) Thank you all SO MUCH! #sfcp

asparkle2: Walking back from #sfcp last night, drunk guy points at cane and says to HH, “Dude you have an antenna coming out of your backpack.”

eltercerojo: We’re headed home. @paulatnorthgare is driving. What an amazing weekend! Too tired to tweet. #sfcp

Firemn_Chris: Great brunch with @eltercerojo @paulatnorthgare @zilledefeu @sleekimager @TheMysteryMinx HH and @asparkle2. On BART heading home now. #sfcp

Tony_ShadowLane:@Radagast333 I have heard much the same and more. Congratulations to Zille & friends are in order.

Radagast333: So I read that #sfcp was a rousing success. All hail debauchery!

MinxGrrl: @Firemn_Chris one can hope so I’m really enjoying laying on my side in bed knowing if I roll over the ow of spanking will be there #sfcp

Firemn_Chris: @MinxGrrl Endorphin overload from last night playing tricks on your brain maybe? #sfcp

MinxGrrl: Here here!! RT @Firemn_Chris: And let me just say, @zilledefeu definitely knows how to throw a party. Congratulations on a rousing success. #sfcp

Firemn_Chris: And let me just say, @zilledefeu definitely knows how to throw a party. Congratulations on a rousing success. #sfcp

Firemn_Chris: Got back to hotel at 3 AM (time change). Ate at 24 hour cafe w/ @eltercerojo & @paulatnorthgare at 4. Same thing we do at SL in Vegas. #sfcp

lilEmmaJ: Missed both #sfcp and all the tweets about it STOMP!

caseydamnmorgan: I”m missing 12 hrs of tweets (from last night until now). Maybe #sfcp ate everyone up? owait, dat silleh!

Firemn_Chris: @Tony_ShadowLane You made @zilledefeu jump and squeal with your compliment. It was quite adorable. And you’re absolutely right too.

Tony_ShadowLane:@zilledefeu Triumphant party hostess, you are now entitled to the password and secret handshake for the spanking inner council.

Firemn_Chris: @MinxGrrl Yummy indeed. Was great fun meeting…and spanking…you finally. #sfcp

MinxGrrl: Oh and yummy spanking delivered by @simonp67 @Firemn_Chris and even a few swats from @peteracworth. Not a bad night if you ask me. #sfcp

Firemn_Chris: Standing at #sfcp and @asparkle2 walks up to me carrying two canes. I literally choked on my soda. What happened to my wife?

eltercerojo: OH: “no no absolutely not! Well, maybe one or two.” #sfcp

eltercerojo: Teachers desk just collapsed. School scene must be over. #sfcp

raindegrey: peter acworth, mark davis, jack hammer & jessie cox all just came to the party! woot! its gonna get kinky now…

eltercerojo: The party just started and attendence is high enough toopen the other half of this venue. So surprised how many ppl from SL are here. #sfcp

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There will finally be a spanking party in the San Francisco Bay Area!

That is … I’m doing it! And, uh, it’s in 11 days. Eeeep!

I’ve written all about it over at the SF-CP website (yes, “San Francisco Corporal Punishment” – I wanted to be inclusive!) so I won’t repeat myself over here. But I will say that the wonderful people at ShadowLane and Florida Moonshine have been wonderful with their help and support, as well as a number of spanko friends who are stepping up and saving my arse (presumably so it can later be spanked, of course!)

And I’ve just finalized the plans today to have a school role-play scene at the event, with a schoolmaster and secretary teaching and disciplining the students. (Whom, I assume, are all going to be some level of naughty!)

Here is the flyer for the event. Yes, that’s my bottom on the right.

I’d love if you could make it to the party. But if you can’t, I’ll just take all the good luck and “You’ll do fine” comments I can get!
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Oooh! I just noticed Fireman Chris has linked to the party! Thanks Chris!

Saturday we slept in and just managed to make it to brunch with a bunch of friends: Mija and Paul of North Gare, Bridget and Alex, Iris and her M, Fireman Chris (sadly without his Serenity), and of course Headmaster Tony and the Mystery Minx. The restaurant was very odd (supposedly keeping up a “Mediterranean theme,” as filtered through Middle America I guess, but the menu featured Chinese food as its specialty. Gordon Ramsey would not approve! Still, they had very fresh fruit, and the company more than made up for the cuisine!

After breaking our fasts, the suite parties began. I was a bit overwhelmed. I was introduced to new person after new person, and I started wanting to go hide behind the few people I did know! Happily, Tony had the good idea of getting some pictures of the Minx and me. We went to another room in the suite, and Minx and I took turns spanking each other, hamming it up for the camera. Well, that might not be relaxing for some people, but for me, that was the best ice-breaker possible. And of course, spanking Minx never hurts any situation! (Well, it might hurt her situation!)

That was over sadly all too soon, but I squished my way onto a sofa between Fireman Chris and Bridget. I had meant to talk to them and get to know them better, but guys kept coming up and introducing themselves, and so the conversation was very fragmented. It had kinda settled down into a discussion with another Star Trek fan (once I know someone is a fellow s-f geek, it’s much easier to get to know them!) when this other guy came over to me. “All your friends are being spanked in the other room,” he informed me. “Ummm,” I replied, “they are…?” “Yes, come and see them,” he said, and took my hand.

Now, I just need to interject here that I’m not the most socially skilled person in the world. I cover up my shyness by being brash and shameless. The other option is not to cover it up, and cower in a corner. I had all my attention on being extroverted, but not vulgar or ill-mannered (it’s a fine line, damnit!) and so I must have missed the signals this guy was giving off.

He led me to the other room, and said, “See…!” and indeed, I did recognize some of the people on the bed, although Minx wasn’t there. There was one spot open – “And you go there!” he announced, trying to pull me over to it. I stopped dead, feet digging into the carpet – oh, shit, how had I gotten into this situation? Maybe, if I actually knew this guy at least a little bit, or if there had been a bit of a lead-up, I would have been okay for the suddenness of it. But it was too many conflicting things at once, and I made the quick decision that I would not be pressured into bending over for a spanking I wasn’t comfortable taking. (It’s sad that it took even a moment for me to have to figure that one out … but when I was younger, I would have probably just let it happen, due to my embarrassment over misreading his signals, and being equally uncomfortable trying to get out of the situation as staying in it!) Mr. Defeu showed up at this moment, and I mouthed to him, “HELP!” “What kind of help?” he asked, not unreasonably, because he wasn’t sure which sort of aid I required – him telling the guy no, or him handing me over for discipline!

We had worked out a code, beforehand, but the code had been dependent on me actually being with Mr. Defeu at the time of the proposition. Since I’d been on the other side of the room from him, it had fallen apart rather rapidly.

Happily, before I had to try and figure out how to signal to Mr. Defeu, “Get me out of here! I’m totally in over my head and don’t know what to do!” (while the optimistic fellow is patting the side of the bed, waiting for me to bend over it), Minx shows up and says, “Oh, Chelsea and Clare and Sarah are downstairs, and they’d like to meet you! Is now a good time?”

Oh, how I loved her in that moment! “Now’s perfect!” I gasped, and I fled, without even a proper goodbye. I’m very sorry about that – I hope I didn’t hurt the poor guy’s feelings – I just really didn’t know how to deal with the situation. I think – I hope! – that next time I will do a better job of both not getting into situations like that – but, when I do mess up, that I will then do a better job of extracting myself!

Anyway, I found myself in a room with Chelsea Pfeiffer and Clare Fonda and Sarah Gregory. This was not a bad way to end up, because suddenly, although they were new to me, there was also a lot less new people to try and deal with all at once, and I suddenly got my socializing mojo back. I was able to chat, and get to know them, and it was really wonderful, as they are all lovely people whom I look forward to working with and getting to know better!

They were about to shoot a spanking video, so they finally kicked us out, and we went back to our room, and chilled a bit (this involved a very fun pillow fight with all three of us!) before it was time to get ready for the “prom.”

Then it was time for me to get ready for the ball! Here’s the results:

Mr. Defeu had brought a formal dinner jacket (because I complained that he never dressed up for me – he got tons of compliments, so I hope it inspires him to dress up more in the future!) and as we walked down to the ballroom, I took his arm, my grandmother’s beaded clutch purse in the other hand. I felt so glamorous! Even the gaudy noise and lights of the casino faded away into a James Bond-like set. We didn’t even need to present our IDs – Tony of Shadow Lane waved us in with an, “Oh, I know you!”

Sadly, the glamour soon fell away – the dinner was not as good as the night before, and it was a sad come-down to find myself at a “make your own burrito” night. The party at first again felt too overwhelming, but as I’d had a good night’s sleep and I didn’t have much to do the next day, I could drink – and social lubrication is always helpful! Red wine to the rescue!

Suddenly, I was chatting with everyone. From all the lovely people who came up to me to discuss a SF Bay Area spanking party (it’s in the works, guys!), to the bartender (who, after I had chattered at him about drinks for a while, decided I knew more about making drinks than he did!) I finally got a chance to properly meet and talk to Radagast, and after we bonded on obscure Science Fiction, I really look forward to hanging out with him again soonest!

Sarah Gregory and I were playing around in front of the camera for Mr. Defeu (not as much as I’d like to play around with her!) when Mija called me over and asked, a big grin on her face, if I’d like to see some hot girl-on-girl caning action. Um, yes!

Up to Mija and Paul’s room for a private party we trooped! It turned out that Bridget was going to strap (and cane!) Iris – an amazing show that Mr. Defeu and I were privileged to watch!

After it had concluded, in that lovely wash of energy over all of us that a good scene will create, Mr. Defeu was suddenly inspired by the large amount of toys piled in front of us on the coffee table, and ordered me over his lap, reminding me that there was the matter of last night’s water fight to deal with. He had a slipper in hand, that I was quite certain I’d prefer not to sample – and I was tipsy enough that I had no concerns in putting up a vocal resistance to the whole thing. (“Yay,” some inner voice proclaimed, “you’re finally playing the game right! Complain some more, come on – kick up a real fuss!”)

When I looked up from the fuss I was making (and my hose was being inexorably pulled down, nevertheless), Paul had brought out two more slippers, so that Mr. Defeu could try them all out upon my bottom! This is obviously the point of protesting in the first place – you distract yourself enough that you don’t notice getting in even worse trouble until it’s too late!

So I happily yelped and squirmed through the slippering, and then Mr. Defeu went for a hairbrush that every gal had already proclaimed to be very nasty, and wouldn’t someone please loose track of it in packing, already? Mr. Defeu took turns with the stingy wood side, and the even more stingy brush side, while I complained about both.

Then he made me kneel up to try out one of Paul’s canes. I suddenly came up from the comfy obscurity of OTK, able to hide my face in the sofa, to being abruptly upright, and entirely aware of everyone sitting around to admire the view. Eeep! I didn’t have time to dwell on the matter, as the fire-y stripes started burning across my bottom.

I started my breathing exercises right quick, because as fun as the token resistance had been, now push was coming to shove, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself or Mr. Defeu! But at some point in the caning, I heard a soft whisper (the volume seemed to have dropped in the room, for some reason!) from I think the sweet Bridget, saying, “She’s so brave!” “Oh! I’m brave! They think I’m brave!” I thought, and it made the rest of the caning so much easier to take!

When the caning was over, Mr. Defeu reached for me, and I let myself fall into his strong arms, as happy as a person could be.

And then, it was the Minx’s turn – she was still being punished for the water fight, it seemed! Nobody minded that show, either! I settled myself beside Mija to watch and provide running commentary.

Minx got her snuggles, too, and actually ran off to get me some wine – a kindness, as once I start drinking, I need to keep up my tipsiness until the party concludes (or I will get tired and cranky, not particularly great personality traits to bring to a party!)

I was still beside Mija when a recovered Minx presented herself in front of me, and reminded me that I owed her a wrasslin’ match, something we had talked about doing for weeks. I pointed out that I was in my party dress, so the Minx pulled a shirt and shorts from a bag she had conveniently stowed in the room. Well, there was nothing for it, so I went and changed in the other room (having suddenly come over shy), aided by Minx and Bridget (and embarrassing a poor Paul, who suddenly found himself stuck in room with us all giggling and stripping me!)

I had realized, going to get changed, that I was pretty well into my cups. I wondered how this would effect my wrasslin’ skills. Well, it seems I wrestle even better when under the influence, as I took the Minx down in a record time – surprising the hell out of both of us! Everyone did a count-down, and I, as winner, gave Minx 10 from the slipper. That was fun!

Then Bridget challenged me. She was a slippery little thing, but I ended up pining her as well, making her say, “Uncle.” I didn’t get to enjoy the fruits of that victory, however, because Minx jumped in and they both went after me! I was actually doing alright for myself, until I got in a bind with Minx sitting on my chest, and Bridget pining my legs so I couldn’t twist Minx off. At that point, I decided that getting some oxygen was a really lovely idea, and called “Uncle,” so that I could breathe again.

I think I won it all, when it comes down to it, because if it takes two people to pin you down, well, that’s a victory in and of itself!

Spectatators said that I gave a very good show of my cane weals whilst wrasslin’.

The rest of the party was a happy daze of enjoyable conversation with good people. After all my exertions, I was happy to snuggle with Mr. Defeu on the sofa, sipping my wine — a perfect end to a wonderful day!

The next morning, we managed to pack up the clothing items and toys which had exploded across the room, and went out to brunch with the guilty parties from the night before. I made an amazing meal of “Eggs on Horseback” (steak and eggs), and a big bowl of very ripe strawberries and proper whipped cream. The decadent meal was the best way to conclude the spectacular weekend!

I don’t even know where to start with this overwhelming weekend!

Yes, yes, I can hear you, “Begin at the beginning and when you get to the end … stop.” Okay, okay….

We left on Friday, and Shadow Lane was already in full swing when we got there. It seems people had arrived as early as Tuesday, and some were leaving Monday or later. It seemed smart when we had bought the plane tickets not to spend too much time there, when we were unsure of how much we’d enjoy it, but by the time September rolled around, we’d made enough friends in the spanking scene that it meant we didn’t get enough time to talk as much as we’d have liked with our new friends. Next time – longer trip, more partying!

Anyway, we got there Friday afternoon. I had been stupid the night before, and had not taken a sleeping pill, and I ended up with terrible insomnia, because I was as excited a kid going away to summer camp for the first time. (This is not as unlikely a comparison as one would think…!) But it did mean that I felt very tired when we got to the hotel, and really not ready to sudden go to a huge party with hundreds of strangers, a few friends whom I knew from online, and about three people I knew in person!

I’m not sure if you have figured this out about me, but “I only play extroverted on TV.” I’m really just a shy geek who’d rather stay in and discuss science fiction or spanking with her friends. (Or yes, have a small orgy, but it’s only ever been a small one, I tell you, and only with people I know and like!)

I had somehow managed to forget my shyness, myself. I think the last time I was this nervous was my first SkinTwo RubberBall, but even then I knew that I wouldn’t have to be conversing with that many people: we’d be in a crowded space that would be have too much thumpy-thumpy loud music to encourage much in the way of discussion.

But at this event, I’d actually have to talk to people! [gasp] And suddenly my powers of scintillating and effervescent conversation seemed to have fled altogether. And I was nervous about my outfits: it’s one thing to be a schoolgirl in a room full of other kinks. But I was about to be a schoolgirl in a room full of schoolgirls and headmasters….

I tormented friends with text after whiny text, “Help! What are you wearing?” “Which knickers should I wear?” “I don’t want to be the only one in uniform!” Finally the Minx and Young Bridget (both of them looking delicious in their uniforms!) to braid her hair in my room and try and get me to mellow out. (Showing wisdom and compassion far past her tender years, I might add!)

So, down we all went, and I felt a bit better for being in a group. Although I must say that walking through a Vegas casino in a group of uniformed schoolgirls was one of the more surreal moments in a life that I thought had already been stuffed full of very fantastic and bizarre experiences! (At the aforementioned RubberBall, getting into a cab as Queen Elisabeth I, with a Cardinal in leather – Mr. Defeu – and a gorgeous woman dressed like Jessica Rabbit – but in rubber – was one of those! At least the cabbie seemed amused!)

Things continued to improve on the way in, as I finally met Tony of Shadow Lane in the flesh, and chatted a bit with him. The food was odd, but edible (I ended up eating a large plate of tasty roast beef and fresh, very ripe, melon slices) and then I couldn’t poke at my food anymore, I had to actually start talking to all these strange new people. (Well, okay, no stranger than me, in general, just strange to me!)

Meeting the people I’d befriended online was very nice, although one does always have in mind that one has to try to be as witty and sociable in person as one is in blog comments and on Twitter, and honestly I think I write better than I speak.

But I bucked up and did my best. Mr. Defeu and the Minx and Headmaster Tony from Florida Moonshine ended up making a circuit of the ballroom, with the two of them introducing us round to their friends. I was just getting a bit of equanimity when suddenly it was suggested that it was time for a spanking. Next thing I know, Mr. Defeu had found a good place to sit, and had ordered me over his lap. I just looked at him in horror – I was so embarrassed, it was as if I’d never played in public before in my life! His tone grew stern, “Over my knee, girl,” and I went to bend over his lap. “Wrong side,” he told me, and I struggled gracelessly trying to get up from a half-executed manoeuvre, and orient myself in the other direction, feeling like a total fool.

I lived through it, obviously! But it taught me that I need to start looking at things differently when I go to spanking parties. There is a place in between just being a performer (and I’ve done a lot of performing at fetish night clubs, so I know this space all too well!) and a private scene between Mr. Defeu and me (which is where I’ve been, really, for most of the past three years!) There is a place where you are not performing, but where you are able to do some kinky fun stuff in public and have it be real, but not so profound that you can’t handle an audience. I have to learn abut that middle place!