Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘Janus’ Category

Since everyone enjoyed the last Lost & Found, here’s one from one of the best Classic Spanking films (IMHO) which Mr Defeu gave to me to watch. It was a pleasure to dig this one out of the archives and relive the memories of watching it, back when I was living in Suburbia (October 10, 2005!) and officially dating Bear … and wildly in love with Mr Defeu, and not knowing yet that my life was about to drastically change…!

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I was missing you terribly this evening, Sir, and then I had the thought that what better way to show you that your girl is thinking of you than to do an assignment!

Since you made the CDs in no certain order, I’ve ended up watching them that way. So this evening, I randomly chose a disk, and then chose a title from the list that amused me: not “Lisa Will Be Caned,” or “Lisa Really Ought To Be Caned,” but that imperative “Must!”

Well, as you can guess, Sir, I just adored it. There was only one thing missing in a video full of CP and general Brit goodness! After reading Smash Hits on the swing-set, she wanted to go up to her room to watch Dr. Who! And he was reading Janus, hahaha!

And “Now, jut your bum out!” is just so much better as an order to stick out one’s ass than anything an American could possibly say! And I loved the selection that increased in severity: the hand, the paddle, the belt, and then the cane. And the having to stand in the corner while he watched what looked like a very odd show on the telly! The only thing that I missed and would have liked to see was him being a bit more rough with her: I mean, she was in trouble at school and she was indeed being impudent, well into the punishment! When she reached behind herself to protect her bottom from further punishment, he would just push her hand away impatiently and she would be free to do it again right away. I would have been more aroused to see his hand roughly grab her wrist and hold it up against her back. Although I did wryly appreciate that if her hands got in the way too much he’d just smack them instead, which seemed to work pretty efficiently, too.
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Our first shoot with Shadowlane — yes, I wrote, “our” – that’s because Mr. Defeu has joined me on camera for his first porn outing with his face showing! (You’ll remember he worked with me on a spanking video for IFM, but there he was still incognito.) Being the wise fellow that he is, he waited until he was truly comfortable with being on camera making adult films – then, he went for it, no holds barred! (Something I hope any spanking actress – male or female – will do with the same self-awareness. If you ain’t comfortable, just don’t do it – when you become comfortable, don’t let anything stop you!)

I’ve been promised plenty of teaser shots from Tony & Eve (and let me tell you, they’ll be teasing me just as much as you – I can’t wait to see the videos!) for now, here’s a fun one. I just wanted to get some impressions down, while they were fresh.

A favourite moment was when Mr D and Clare Fonda were in a scene together. They were a married couple (not long to remain so!) and he had just found out that she’d been cheating on him, as well as lying and stealing. He confronts her, and it ends with him spanking her – an outcome which I’m sure will surprise you all!

The minute they got on camera together, sparks flew. They are both witty, eloquent, vibrant people, and they were just brilliant together. They were funny, genuine, and intense. There was one point where they were arguing, and they just started talking right over one another, like a couple who has been together for too long, and just doesn’t care what the other has to say anymore. It was amazing – I had no idea that my husband is such a brilliant actor, and I can’t wait to see him doing other films!

Another wonderful moment was while I was working with Clare. Well, most of the moments were quite wonderful, actually, but this is the one I’ll tell you about right now. I had tried to blackmail “Iris,” my husband’s ex-wife (see above!) and demanded to spank her to keep her secret. Well, she then got the goods on me, and promised to my husband unless I let her spank me – and then she wanted to humiliate me even more by penetrating first my pussy and then my ass – gasp!

Now, the spanking was of course fantastic – it was coming from Clare Fonda, after all! – but the moment of penetration, especially the anal one, had this delicious humiliation to it that I keep remembering with erotic shudders.

Now, I know you’ll say, “But Zille, you’re just an anal-sex loving slut who can’t get enough bum action!” to which I’d have to agree, but the thing is that I’m a different kind of slut than I used to be.

Before I got into the spanko scene, I was more the “shameless hussy,” sort. I’d been there and done that, and I wasn’t going to be embarrassed anymore by most anything I was okay with doing in any scene. I mean, I’d probably done it on stage at the fetish nightclub or at the peep show where I’d worked, so shame was something I’d proudly done away with.

But, reading Janusii, and watching spanko porn, and reading the journals of the lovely spanko community, I realized that I wanted that shame back – that it added a piquancy that being a shameless hussy just couldn’t have by definition.

That doesn’t mean that I’m any less proud of my career in porn or my performances at fetish events or even the orgies I had in college. But, somehow, just by wanting it, I got back the embarrassment that I thought I’d gotten rid of – so that I could get a thrill of shame and awkwardness from merely taking down my knickers – while otherwise entirely clothed!

I had always maintained that “I’m just not into that humiliation thing,” when actually I am really, really into it – I just needed a new framework for it. Being humiliated when being a naked slave on a chain did nothing for me. But being humiliated whilst dressed in a proper schoolgirl uniform – now you’re talking!

So, there I was, on a porn set, where you’d think that after the amount of time I’ve spent making porn in my life would be the one place where I’d feel just entirely at home. And I could have done, and would have done five years ago.

But now both my character and my real self were deeply enjoying the embarrassment of being exposed and penetrated. My character was feeling degraded and shamed by the tables being turned on her, and the obviously inferior [grins to Clare] ex-wife getting to have her evil way with her. I found myself feeling quite shy suddenly to have a roomful of people I’d just met seeing a long acrylic dildo shoved up my bottom. Yes, yes, they were all pros who’d seen this sort of thing a million times before, something I would have reassured myself with if I wasn’t enjoying the exquisite humiliation of it all.

It’s an odd thing, perhaps, to write about getting turned on at a porn shoot. But when I work with people, I give them 100% effort – and that means that my arousal is more a sort of cerebral thing. As I work, the thought “Oh, look, I’m in this hot situation with these sexy people, doing stuff that really turns me on!” will flash through my mind, but it is sharing space with: “Am I facing the lighting correctly?” “Am I working with the camera(s) to best effect?” “How is my co-actor doing?” “What is my next line?” “What emotions should my character be feeling now, and am I expressing them with face and body?” “Am I talking loud enough for the cameras to be catching it?” and so forth.

So it was with a real delight that I realized how aroused I was by the humiliating circumstances (a basically complete stranger I’d met a couple hours earlier is shoving an acrylic dildo up my ass in front of other near-strangers, and my husband!) and I was in a place where I could really enjoy it – my character was supposed to be feeling the same thing, for similar reasons, and all I had to do was lie there an make the appropriate noises – which, if I just let go and enjoyed the situation, would happen naturally.

So all those things coming together (as it were) put me in a space where I could really enjoy them as much as if I was in a private scene at home.

Of course, I have to thank Eve, Tony, Butch, and Clare for giving me that moment. I trusted all of them implicitly, so I could just let go and enjoy myself.

I can’t wait to see the films, and whenever Shadowlane wants us, we’ll get our butts right down to Vegas!

Apologies all, for coming back with a vengeance and then disappearing again. I was all set to put some real time and energy back into this blog … but then the novel I’ve been wanting to write finally started flowing, and I’ve been putting all my energy into that, because I would actually like to get the thing written and published in this lifetime. I can only do so much writing in a day (and so much non-immediately-paying-work, or things start to get a little uncomfortable in the wallet region), so for the next I don’t know how many months, I’m only going to be up here when I can steal a moment or two from the novel.

A funny thing I wanted to write about writing the novel is that I’ve been working on a sex scene these past two days, and it’s taking me way longer to write what is essentially a vanilla sex scene than it would to write a nice spanko piece of erotica. Not that I wouldn’t put a spanking scene in the novel, but it’s not the right place for it in that spot. Since it’s not a spanking scene, I’m trying to write a really good vanilla scene — one that authentically turns me on, but is not too filthy to sell to a normal publisher. (Although I have been noticing that novels now can have scenes as explicit as any porn — it’s just a matter of not having them be too kinky without at least a tenuous reason.)

So, it’s taking me waaaay longer to write this quite basic scene, then it would for me to write a much more intricate spanko one. Amusing.

Also amusing: Chross just recently posted a James Bond clip I’d forgotten all about, but which certainly turned me on when I was a teenage girl watching the all Bond flicks for the first time:

Of course, now I’m going to have, “Gold — fingah!” being sung in my head all day by Shirley Bassey. [sigh]

I see Chross one Bond film, and raise him a Star Trek spoof with equally delightful sexism:

The whole joy of being a post-feminist, I feel, is getting to eroticise being treated like a brainless “little lady,” a second-class citizen who is expected to stay at home and keep out of the men’s way, dear, we’ve got some real business to attend to. Why don’t you go make us some coffee, there’s a good girl!

There’s something so hot about that for me. That casual, “I can slap your bottom any time I like because I’m the superior man, and you are basically a pet who can do the cooking and wash up (if you don’t need someone with superior brains and/or strength to fix something first, that is, in which case I will shake my head and give you the help you need with noblesse oblige oozing out of my ever-so-superior pores).” I like that I can choose to live in (or visit!) that world. (Of course, it’s the fact that it’s a choice that makes it hot, so I thank my bra-burning fore-mothers for that.)

It reminds me that the other night Mr. Defeu and I were watching TV, and there was something on about a culture (or something — I’m blanking on it, now) where the women are inferior to the men. I turned to him and gave him a nudge and said, “Oh, like in Blushes or Janus! That’s your sort of world!”

“No,” he replied with the calm smile of someone about to smoothly deliver a punchline, “Not inferior … just different .. and subordinate!”

Phwoar! (A., What a sexy delivery — I’m so turned on by that sort of thing, and B., that relaxed and certain superiority is just what I was talking about above as being hot for me. Double whammy!) That sort of thing just makes me want to go off and have the kind of hot kinky sex where I am obviously there for his pleasure, because that’s what a wife is for, to serve and please her husband, right?!

Ooooh! I’m all hot and bothered, now. Maybe must go have a moment of, ahem, personal relief before I go back to writing my novel!

The people over at sexandsubmission.com don’t do enough shoots of schoolgirls getting spanked (IMHO) but when they do, they don’t mess around!

(Here’s a free gallery from this shoot, including video!)

So, what do you guys think of this shoot? In the first place, do you like seeing sex with your spanking, or do you just want spankings? And what about the use of the electro-play buttplug and vibrator in the shoot — is that hot, or does that break up the “Cinéma vérité” for you? (Of course, they do explain that it’s a “science project,” so they at least get points for trying!) Do you like seeing schoolgirls treated like that, or do you just want them to be lectured, spanked, and sent home for a strappin from their father?

I guess what I’m saying is … do you like this more extreme version of schoolgirl scene, or would you prefer it Janus Magazine style?

Well, I’ve just had a sigh of relief! Two, sighs, actually, if you count that I just masturbated!

I promised Rachel Kramer Bussel that I would review her new book, Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica and will be doing an interview with her on August 4th. When I first talked to her, I was all fired up by her enthusiasm (which is boundless and contagious!) but after I’d cooled off, in the following days, I began to worry. Most anthologies of erotica published in the U.S. these days leave me with this sensation of “Why did I bother…?” I’d pretty much decided that the only erotica that I wanted to read were: Janus Magazine, Victorian erotica, and the occasional book by Nexus (like Over the Knee).

I was feeling moderately worried about this — what if this erotic anthology left me as unaroused as so many others had. I certainly wanted to promote Rachel’s new book, as she is a wonderful person and a fellow pervert and writer. But I also don’t want to promote anything in this blog that I don’t think is quality, that I don’t personally like and enjoy.

I’m happy to say that my fears were for naught — I should have had faith in Rachel’s taste and kinkiness! The review copy arrived yesturday, and I got some time to settle in bed and read it today. I’ve only gotten three stories into it … but all were really hot, and I had to take a break to deal with how excited I’d become while reading them! I immediately came out here and sat down to write this blog post — I’m that excited about the book!

The first story is written in the first person: a spanker’s point of view, discussing a lover and how much he loves to spank her. It’s written so well, and with such clear insight into the female spankee’s mind, that I found myself almost jealous. I don’t know if my Master understands me that well!

The second story is a hot librarian/book store fantasy. Nowadays, I’ve mostly been enjoying male Top, female bottom stories (I go through phases, but this one’s lasted pretty long), so I wasn’t sure how much this one would move me. Surprise — even though this is a female Top and boy bottom (heh – literally!) this story had sucked me in and had me eagerly reading every word.

The next story takes place in a kitchen, with various cooking implements being used on a naughty housewife. That sounds so cliched and done, right? Wrong! This was inventive and what pushed me over the edge to have to take a … break. Especially the part about the rubber gloves!

I can’t wait to read the rest of
Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica, and I’m now really, really looking foward to interviewing Rachel!

(Oh, and if you want to keep up with Rachel and the book, the blog is here.)