Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘news’ Category

From All Things Spanking comes a link to Rowan Pelling’s sex advice column in the Daily Mail: ‘My lover wants to spank me but I think it’s too silly for words‘. The fabulous thing is how sex-positive the response is (with a disappointing end, sadly, below)…

QUESTION: I have been going out with my boyfriend for five months and we have a really good time together, both in and out of the bedroom, except for one thing – he keeps asking if he can spank me. I find the whole idea a bit ridiculous and a turn-off. What should I do?

Can I just break in to say I think the guy should break it off with the girl right now … who won’t try a bit of spanky-bot-bot for someone they are really into?! And, this is what all spankos dread: feeling secure enough to share their desires, and then being mocked and belittled for their pains!

ROWAN SAYS: There’s a good reason why the French dubbed chastisement le vice anglais; quite a few Brits do seem to harbour an erotic attachment to the notion of corporal punishment.
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Today two smart and eloquent people in my daily rss feed posted the following two posts, which for me showed up back-to-back, in this perfect symmetry. Enjoy!

From Pandora’s wonderful blog, a discussion of proposed revision to the DSM, “the official diagnostic list of mental disorders for medical practitioners in the US”…

The proposed revisions risk stigmatizing countless sane individuals with erotic tastes outside a strictly-sanctioned norm. They would lend credibility to those who wish to condemn or discriminate people on these grounds. They would also risk adversely affecting people who are happy in their alternative sexuality but seeking treatment for other mental health problems, by giving judgmental medical practitioners authority to mis-diagnose their sexual practices as being the source of the problem. Labelling any form of gender or sexual expression as a “mental disorder” has the potential to be hugely damaging, and ignores the vast spectrum of natural sexual and gender variation that exists in the world.

The Madhouse, 1812-15, Goya, Francisco…
Buy at AllPosters.com

Then, Fyre has a wonderful post about “Transcending the Norm,”

After all, the ingredients in good S&M play–communication, respect and trust–are the same ingredients in good traditional sex. The outcome is the same, a feeling of connection to the body and the self. Practitioners’ of BDSM thus need to achieve, out of their dynamic, a relationship that produces coherence, which deeply affects each participant through a sense of shared experience within their system of beliefs.

Although people report that they have better-than-usual sex immediately after a scene, the primary goal of S&M itself is not intercourse: “A good scene doesn’t end in orgasm, it ends in catharsis.” It is in our acceptance of the sadistic or masochistic aspects of human nature and their expression rather than repression that provides the cathartic catalyst.

Inherent in our nature is the desire to improve and better ourselves. The process of exceeding our current limitations may be referred to as “self-transcendence.” Self-transcendence embodies the human spirit’s capacity to go beyond our previous achievements, it can apply to any aspect of our being; the physical self-transcendence of running faster; the mental self-transcendence of going beyond self imposed limitations. Anyone who strives for greater perfection and a higher perspective is practicing a form of self-transcendence.

I think Fyre’s quote from Joseph Campbell (The Power of Myth dude):

I think we are seeking the experience of being alive, so that our life’s experience on a purely physical plane will have resonance within our own innermost being and reality, so we actually feel the rapture of being alive. That’s what it is all finally about, and that’s what these clues help us find within ourselves.

and his final thoughts:

The deeper the understanding we have of the dynamics of this complex and beautiful form of human expression, the more our ceremonies, rituals and celebrations will reflect the deepest wisdom and understanding our unique culture has to offer, and the more our shared moments will reflect us, in all our differences.

really should be read by the people working on the DSM, before they make hasty decisions that could effect the lives of so many people!

So, I couldn’t post this up here before, but now my article about Miss Maggie Mayhem winning the Bettie Page contest is up over at SkinTwo.co.uk. Here’s the article, but do go check out all the pictures at the SkinTwo site!

At Midnight on March 18th 2009, “BETTIE PAGE IMMORTAL,” Bondage A Go Go’s 16th Annual Bettie Page Look-alike Contest took place at San Francisco’s Bondage A Go Go.

Fetish icon and 50’s pin-up queen Bettie Page passed away on December 11, 2008. From her obituary:

Bettie Page, sweet-smiling legendary 1950s pin-up queen with the killer curves and coal-black bangs, died today of pneumonia at a Los Angeles area hospital. She was 85 years old. She suffered a heart attack one week ago and never regained consciousness. Her popularity as an underground, guilty pleasures phenomenon has continued to soar despite the fact that the reclusive Page disappeared almost a half century ago, leading many to believe that one of the most photographed individuals of the 20th century was already dead.
As the model who many have argued raised cheesecake to an art, Page combined exuberant, wide-eyed innocence with confident, sometimes aggressive sexuality. VANITY FAIR praised the playfully seductive Page as “our Uber-pin-up.” The NEW YORK TIMES has declared that today “her star shines more brightly than it did in her brief heyday from 1950 to 1957.” PLAYBOY immortalized Page as one of its inaugural centerfolds and recently named her “the model of the century, yet she remains one of its best kept secrets.” In a recent TVGuide.com poll, Bettie Page was voted the “ultimate sex goddess,” outscoring others such as Marilyn Monroe.

Bettie Page, through the bondage and spanking images she modelled for, often featuring her in lingerie, stockings, and high heels, helped an uncountable number of perverts and fetishists to accept their desires. Although she herself was not into such things, she had an open attitude, and her blue-gray-eyed mischievousness always shone through in all her pictures.

It was those qualities and history that the contestants were trying to emulate – not an easy job, but one look at the be-banged and bullet-bra-ed ladies and you could see they had all put in a good deal of effort to pay homage to “the action hero of pin-up.”

Competition was fierce but friendly. The Betties chatted and laughed with each other while they waited for the first part of the contest, which was meeting the judges and showing off their looks.

One of the judges was local “Purveyor of Perversion” and dungeon master, Stefanos. He comments,

The Betty Page contest has been part of Bondage-a-Go-Go for 16 years and each year people have been pouring into BaGG to be part of it. I am always fascinated to see how many people have been influenced by Betty Page and since 2005 when I started at BaGG the number of women and men has seemed to have grown.

The interesting part about being a judge at BaGG is that no matter what contest it is George, our promoter, is interested in finding people that are impartial and able to represent the ideals of the contest for the night. So judging Betty Page was a matter of putting the judge’s ideals into alignment of what we thought was the best image and attitude of Betty Page.

I remember that we saw the ladies sitting waiting for the judges and we looked them over for the best attitude when they weren’t ready for it. Then we looked for image in clothing and props. We asked a few questions, like, ‘How long has Betty been a part of your life?’ ‘Can you show us your favorite Betty Page pose?’ ‘Can you give us Betty Page attitude?’ We were looking for that sexy women that sent men into hormonal heresy and women into generous jealousy.

Once on-stage, it was clear that despite the encouragement they gave their fellow Bettie Page doppelgangers, each gal was out there to win the $200 (or $300 gift certificate to Stormy Leather) first prize and the hearts of the crowd.

Stefanos adds, “The Judges don’t pick the winner; we pick the top ladies and then George goes through our scores and picks the top three for the audience to judge.”

Everyone coming into the club that evening was given a token. This was for use later in the evening, when, in a very Greek way, the club-goers chose the winner by putting their tokens down in front of the lady they felt was the sexiest Bettie Page.

The winner was Miss Maggie Mayhem, a local sex/BDSM/fetish/spanking blogger, performer and model. Of all the girls out there, Miss Mayhem best captured the Bettie spirit with flashing eyes, playful grin, and a very well-fitted bullet bra and opera-length black leather gloves. She was loudly cheered by the usual rowdy and exuberant BaGG crowd.

Stefanos points out: “Maggie Mayhem, the ultimate winner was in the top three. But why? She was an image of Bettie that made us wobble at the knees. Her outfit was vintage not just “vintage looking.” She embodied the spirit of what Bettie showed us, a powerful sexy woman ready to take on any man. We were moved by Maggie’s ability to be Bettie – not just look like her. Any woman can wear sexy underwear to a night club. Any woman can feel confident in the same outfit. But can these women be sophisticated, vulnerable, or “traditionally feminine” and carry off a primal urge to dominate without being bitchy or ditsy? Presentation is more then looks, and art requires passion to give deep resonance. Maggie gave it all to us that night.”

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I’d just like to point out that while it may seem like I was unduly biased towards Miss Mayhem: A.) I was there to report on the event, and she might have NOT won, and B.) I think Stefanos more than backs me up that she was fuckin’ brilliant out there!!!

Get a box of tissues to hand before you watch this…!

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My book release party write-up is now up on Skintwo.co.uk! Yay!

The Knotty Boys launch “Back On the Ropes”

The Knotty Boys had the Northern California release party for their second book, “Back On the Ropes” at Bondage-a-Go-Go on Wednesday, the 4th of March 2009.

Some of San Francisco’s finest local fetish luminaries were out to support Dan and JD. To name a few: Ken Marcus – their photographer for this book; Lochai – rigger, artist the new manager and inspiration for hogtied.com; Michael Blue – fetish photographer and former co-owner of Beauty Bound, and fetish and bondage model Kumi.

Being the sharing sort, Dan and JD didn’t just bring their books, but also gave a very fun duo-model demo of their rope-art skills, including a very dynamic suspension.

Whether the addition of The Knotty Boys and their friends had anything to do with it is not certain, but according to the club’s promoter, “T’was the best night so far in ‘09!” with the club packed with happy perverts of all stripes and variations, despite the cold rain literally pouring down on the San Francisco streets outside.

There will be a Southern California book release part on April 25th 2009, Upstairs at Bar Sinister, 1652 N. Cherokee Avenue in Hollywood, CA from 10PM-1:30AM.

(See the pictures on Skintwo.co.uk)