Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘stockings/heels’ Category

Hello there, my dear Readers. I’m utterly worn out from my time dealing with my family, so this isn’t going to be the proper post I’d like to do, but I just wanted to do a small post thanking you all for being wonderful friends and fans this past year.

This wasn’t an easy year for me. At this time last year I was in a really bad place, and in the beginning of the year Mr Defeu and I had some real hard spots. I am really proud of the fact that despite the bad stuff I kept this blog going, and I think the reward is that, with the hard patches worked through, we are in a wonderful place and ready to have a brilliant new year — and I’m so ready to be back to this blog — which is really a very important part of my life — in a much more meaningful way in the coming year.

Kaya sums up how she feels about her Master S … which is just how I feel about Mr Defeu:

He makes me feel loved, and cherished. He makes me feel beautiful and wanted. He makes me feel special and worthy. He’s my companion, my lover. He makes me laugh, sometimes until I cry. I never want for a hug or a kiss. I’m never without someone to talk to, a warm body to snuggle, a welcoming lap to slide onto, loving eyes to look into.

Shadowlane has done a delightful 12 Days of Christmas which ends up at a teaser for the video Mr Defeu and I just did for them. (And don’t I look quite distressed about the over-girdle spanking I’m getting, there!)

Delicious Pandora Blake has been outdoing herself recently with excellent posts — thought-provoking and sexy — and Abel & Haron agree! I’ll just like to her site as a whole, because I can’t choose just one to link to. She also had some very kind words to say about me — thank you, darling girl!

Zille is currently in the running for this year’s New Spankee award at the Spanking Spot, although she’s not a new spankee – she’s been running BDSM and fetish porn sites for years as a producer and photographer, and is only new to the niche world of pure spanking sites. Speaking as a producer/director myself, I can tell you that she’s an absolute star to work with – totally professional, very talented and a complete sweetheart. Please do vote for her – she’s one of the pioneers of queer and female-gaze porn, a total hottie and a gorgeous person to boot, and it would be great to give her credit where it’s due.

Not to jinx myself, the New Spankee of the Year vote is going well for me at the moment, and I am cautiously hopeful! (This is not to say that I couldn’t still loose at the last minute, so please take a moment to vote, if you haven’t yet!) I am not sure exactly how I will thank everyone if I DO win, but I have some thoughts on the matter that I’m tossing around in my head. A free video of me being spanked is one of my ideas….

Speaking of free videos, Ludwig & Kaelah have a free spanking video treat for everyone happening right now at their site. Mr Defeu and I have been barely capable of making tea for ourselves the past few days, so we haven’t seen it yet, but it’s high on the priority list!

Okay, for “not a proper post” this has been going on reasonably long! Hopefully, posts in this coming year will just flow out as easily as this one has done. Thank you for sticking with me during a year when I was barely around, and for then for voting for me at the end of this missing year! You are the best friends and fans a girl could hope for, and I appreciate you all very much!

Oh! Mr Defeu has been making some noises about writing for this blog. The best thing I could think of for the coming year would be for him to join me here. Please take a moment to let him know that he is wanted not just by me, but that you would all like to hear his side of the story, too!

Our first shoot with Shadowlane — yes, I wrote, “our” – that’s because Mr. Defeu has joined me on camera for his first porn outing with his face showing! (You’ll remember he worked with me on a spanking video for IFM, but there he was still incognito.) Being the wise fellow that he is, he waited until he was truly comfortable with being on camera making adult films – then, he went for it, no holds barred! (Something I hope any spanking actress – male or female – will do with the same self-awareness. If you ain’t comfortable, just don’t do it – when you become comfortable, don’t let anything stop you!)

I’ve been promised plenty of teaser shots from Tony & Eve (and let me tell you, they’ll be teasing me just as much as you – I can’t wait to see the videos!) for now, here’s a fun one. I just wanted to get some impressions down, while they were fresh.

A favourite moment was when Mr D and Clare Fonda were in a scene together. They were a married couple (not long to remain so!) and he had just found out that she’d been cheating on him, as well as lying and stealing. He confronts her, and it ends with him spanking her – an outcome which I’m sure will surprise you all!

The minute they got on camera together, sparks flew. They are both witty, eloquent, vibrant people, and they were just brilliant together. They were funny, genuine, and intense. There was one point where they were arguing, and they just started talking right over one another, like a couple who has been together for too long, and just doesn’t care what the other has to say anymore. It was amazing – I had no idea that my husband is such a brilliant actor, and I can’t wait to see him doing other films!

Another wonderful moment was while I was working with Clare. Well, most of the moments were quite wonderful, actually, but this is the one I’ll tell you about right now. I had tried to blackmail “Iris,” my husband’s ex-wife (see above!) and demanded to spank her to keep her secret. Well, she then got the goods on me, and promised to my husband unless I let her spank me – and then she wanted to humiliate me even more by penetrating first my pussy and then my ass – gasp!

Now, the spanking was of course fantastic – it was coming from Clare Fonda, after all! – but the moment of penetration, especially the anal one, had this delicious humiliation to it that I keep remembering with erotic shudders.

Now, I know you’ll say, “But Zille, you’re just an anal-sex loving slut who can’t get enough bum action!” to which I’d have to agree, but the thing is that I’m a different kind of slut than I used to be.

Before I got into the spanko scene, I was more the “shameless hussy,” sort. I’d been there and done that, and I wasn’t going to be embarrassed anymore by most anything I was okay with doing in any scene. I mean, I’d probably done it on stage at the fetish nightclub or at the peep show where I’d worked, so shame was something I’d proudly done away with.

But, reading Janusii, and watching spanko porn, and reading the journals of the lovely spanko community, I realized that I wanted that shame back – that it added a piquancy that being a shameless hussy just couldn’t have by definition.

That doesn’t mean that I’m any less proud of my career in porn or my performances at fetish events or even the orgies I had in college. But, somehow, just by wanting it, I got back the embarrassment that I thought I’d gotten rid of – so that I could get a thrill of shame and awkwardness from merely taking down my knickers – while otherwise entirely clothed!

I had always maintained that “I’m just not into that humiliation thing,” when actually I am really, really into it – I just needed a new framework for it. Being humiliated when being a naked slave on a chain did nothing for me. But being humiliated whilst dressed in a proper schoolgirl uniform – now you’re talking!

So, there I was, on a porn set, where you’d think that after the amount of time I’ve spent making porn in my life would be the one place where I’d feel just entirely at home. And I could have done, and would have done five years ago.

But now both my character and my real self were deeply enjoying the embarrassment of being exposed and penetrated. My character was feeling degraded and shamed by the tables being turned on her, and the obviously inferior [grins to Clare] ex-wife getting to have her evil way with her. I found myself feeling quite shy suddenly to have a roomful of people I’d just met seeing a long acrylic dildo shoved up my bottom. Yes, yes, they were all pros who’d seen this sort of thing a million times before, something I would have reassured myself with if I wasn’t enjoying the exquisite humiliation of it all.

It’s an odd thing, perhaps, to write about getting turned on at a porn shoot. But when I work with people, I give them 100% effort – and that means that my arousal is more a sort of cerebral thing. As I work, the thought “Oh, look, I’m in this hot situation with these sexy people, doing stuff that really turns me on!” will flash through my mind, but it is sharing space with: “Am I facing the lighting correctly?” “Am I working with the camera(s) to best effect?” “How is my co-actor doing?” “What is my next line?” “What emotions should my character be feeling now, and am I expressing them with face and body?” “Am I talking loud enough for the cameras to be catching it?” and so forth.

So it was with a real delight that I realized how aroused I was by the humiliating circumstances (a basically complete stranger I’d met a couple hours earlier is shoving an acrylic dildo up my ass in front of other near-strangers, and my husband!) and I was in a place where I could really enjoy it – my character was supposed to be feeling the same thing, for similar reasons, and all I had to do was lie there an make the appropriate noises – which, if I just let go and enjoyed the situation, would happen naturally.

So all those things coming together (as it were) put me in a space where I could really enjoy them as much as if I was in a private scene at home.

Of course, I have to thank Eve, Tony, Butch, and Clare for giving me that moment. I trusted all of them implicitly, so I could just let go and enjoy myself.

I can’t wait to see the films, and whenever Shadowlane wants us, we’ll get our butts right down to Vegas!

My dear fans and friends,

Would you please take a moment and go vote for me in the Spanking Spot 2010 awards “New Spankee” category? It means a great deal to me that I was nominated, and it would actually mean a ridiculous amount to me if I won.

I’ve had a good year as a spankee. I’ve worked with NSI twice (read about that here and here). I did a wonderful day of shooting with Pandora for her upcoming site (see below) and this coming weekend I’m flying out to shoot videos for Shadowlane! (I also had a spanking party of my own in San Francisco, had a wonderful time at Shadowlane, and was “finished off” at Mrs Darling’s Academy.)

The lovely Pandora and me (and Tom, of course!), a teaser shot of what’s to come:

The adorable Bailey and me:

Stephen Lewis would want you to!

Vote for me or I’ll pout! (Promise!)

And just one more for fun:

(This screen capture’s from NSI’s amazing spanking film Wheatly Manor which stars the gorgeous Amy Hunter and delicious Leia-Anne Woods, who were both in not dissimilar roles at the Finishing School…)

Hello my poor neglected readers!

I am still deeply under the influence of a nasty case of jet-lag (also perhaps recovery from one of the most intense, wonderful weekends of my life), and so I’m just not ready to give you an account of myself at Mrs Darlings Academy during the Winter Term, 2010.

I assure you, however, that there is much of an account to be made. I’m afraid yours truly did manage to get herself in a wee bit of trouble at Finishing School. There were some hot moments in the chilly rooms of the ancient Scottish castle where we gels tried to learn the finer aspects of deportment and ladylike behaviour.

Until I can recover enough to get my mushy brains producing something, I have an impressive and ever-growing list of the recountings of my fellow students, and even of our most impressive Deputy Head, Miss Amelie Hammond-Grant (Or Miss Ham-and-Eggs, to go by the nickname lovingly applied to her by the ever-naughty Miss Tombola van Hoyden!)

I shall list them below, with the names they used at school.

Miss Amelie Hammond-Grant: Finishing School Introduction, Finishing School part II – The Bus Driver’s Tale

Miss Woods: Finishing School Part 1, Finishing School Part 2, Finishing School Part 3. A favorite snippet, involving me:

After the entertainment the drinks flowed and so did the punishments. I think we all received further punishments for one infraction or another. While the atmosphere seemed relaxed I took the opportunity to slip off with Zille. We had spectacular girlie fun and were both pleased as punch to have got away with it, or so we thought. When I returned to the dining room one of the girls pointed out my love-bite. Oh dear. With short hair I would never cover it. I went out for s smoke to think on what to do, when I encountered both Mrs Darling and Miss Hammond-Grant. I must have looked ultra guilty or worried as Mrs Darling, genuinely concerned stopped me to ask if I was alright. I said I was and tried to ease my way past them as quickly as possible. Suspicious both tutors took a closer look and of course noticed the love bite. Oh dear. Groundhog day. I was in trouble. Again. Finally I was released with a promise that I would be dealt with in assembly for such an infraction.

Miss Pandora Blake: Off to Finishing School, A Night At Mrs Darling’s Academy, Playing The Game, We who would virtuous be / leave smut behind us

Miss Caoilfhionn Ni Bradaigh : To Darlings We Are Sent, Finishing School: The Head Girl’s Tale (post by our Head Girl, Miss Catherine Thomas)

Miss Violet Kynaston: Finished off, or To be a lady

Miss Jemima Symington-Gore: Jemima Writes To A Friend, Eliane At Finishing School , It Gets Into Your Head

Miss Tombola Van Hoyden: Finishing School

Even a gal not attending Mrs D’s Academy has learned some lessons from it: Irelynn Logeen: Weekend Lessons.

Before I sign off for the evening, I want to note that some of the young ladies who attended Mrs Darling’s Academy do not have their own blogs. (Indeed, Mrs Darling herself does not have a blog!) I’d like to invite anyone involved with Mrs D’s fine institution to feel free to count my blog as a home for their accounts of and/or ruminations upon the event. Just email me (zilledefeu at gmail dot com, for those who don’t want to use the contact form on the about page) or ping me via Twitter or other social networking site, and I’ll be happy to give your writings the exposure they deserve (and we all want to read!)

(To already quoted people: If I have not spelled your name right, left bits off, or used another name for you, it’s because that seemed the safest bet — or in the case of a spelling error, because my guess was unlucky! Please correct me to what you prefer!)

I wanted to make sure that Saturday was less hectic than Friday, but I didn’t mean it to be so mellow that I missed the Punishment Book meeting! But I slept in late, and then Mr. Defeu and I had some nice morning sex, and by the time I realized what was going on (i.e, that the PB meeting as not on Sunday after all), we barely made it down in time for brunch with Mija, Paul, Rad, and Miss Cassandra. (Note, I see Rad has explained that he can only be mentioned “as long as it’s glowing bordering on gushing” – so he should consider himself thus described as shining brighter than a glow-in-the-dark Jesus, and gushing in a manner that would make Niagra falls jealous!)

Then Mr. Defeu and I chilled for a while, before he got called off to help the Northern folks with some errands, and I started my prepping for my outfit for that evening. To the right, a shot taken while hanging out pre-ball with Mija, Paul, Fireman Chris and Serenity, Iris and M, and Bailey.

• Black Satin Bullet Bra
• 6-Strap Garter Belt
• Pin-Up Girl Stockings
• 50′s Rockabilly Satin Dot Halter Dress
• Satin Bolero Jacket

(I’ve linked above to a nice dress that’s like the one I’m wearing, but the one I’m wearing is special because it’s loaned to me by the delicious Pandora. Although I may tell her if she wants it back she has to come to San Francisco and wrest it from my body personally!)

The dinner part of the evening was nice – and the food wasn’t bad; better than last year’s, I felt – and I basically played musical chairs moving around the table talking to people. And a whole bunch of San Franciscans stopped by to talk to me, which was so cool – of course, it is perhaps ironic that we had to go to Vegas to meet and/or get a chance to chat! My local peeps should feel free to stay in touch with me – we talked about lots of cool ideas for spanking parties and stuff!

My only complaint was that the music got cranked to 11 while I was trying to talk to people. I was already loosing my voice from all the talking and from the smoky air (it’s weird, after living in CA, to be in a place where there is smoking allowed indoors! My throat’s just not used to that sort of thing anymore!) and since there was only a small number of people shakin’ their booties, the volume seemed disproportionately loud. I would really prefer that there be a dance floor area, and an eating/talking area, and the music kept to background-level in the latter. If I want to go dancing, I’ll go dancing whether or not the music is turned up – and if I want to talk, having to shout over music just makes me cranky.

This increased volume encouraged most of my friends it was time to move on to suite parties Read the rest of this entry »