Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘tawse/belt’ Category

Funny to find this after yesterday’s post! Originally posted on 10th Apr 2006.

Well, you’ve all been good patient people, who have posted to let me know you like being voyeurs into my sex life [grins at you all] so here is an image from Mr Defeu’s birthday!

That’s a green school-girl gym-skirt you see on me. Oh, what a hot scene it was! My grades had been slipping, you see, and my teacher had me come over to his house for some discipline…. By this point my hands have been hit with a tawse, and the front of my thighs tawsed as well. I have been spanked, caned with a light cane in several positions, caned with a heavier cane also in couple postions, and then soundly fucked (in a variety of positions! And oh — sex with Mr Defeu is simply wonderful. But sex after being caned is beyond description.)

Then, a heavy nasty mean tawse was taken to my bottom (that would be the over-all redness you see) and then I got a final six from the cane which nearly had me climbing off the bed in pain!

It was amazing. After it was all done, and we were snuggling, I asked Mr Defeu, “Who’s birthday is it, again?!” Remember that picture of me looking all glow-y? I took that a few hours later.

I have a big long post to write about masochism another time, but suffice it to say, for now, that I am very happy with being a masochist and I am glad I am in the hands of someone who knows what to do with me!

Continued from Part I. I should warn you that this turned into a long and not particularly coherent ramble, with thoughts coming out faster then I could write them down, and so it doesn’t go in any well-mapped direction, nor come to a tidy conclusion….

Happy reminisces aside (and he’s given me plenty of lovely sensation-memories to contemplate in bed while he’s off on a business trip this week) the main reason I shared this scene was because it has really got me thinking about my long strange trip around the land of which Sacher-Masoch is king. (Or at least the guy who gave it its name!)

I’ve written before about how I was surprised as hell when I first got into BDSM and discovered that even though I’d been fantasizing about pain all my life, it actually hurt, and how that made me back off and explore submission and other kinky stuff, certain I was a failed masochist who could only dream but not live up to my own fantasies.

And, I’ve written how Mr Defeu and the Senior cane changed all that one amazing evening.

But that “voyage of discovery” wasn’t over, and I’m still very much learning about the intersection of pain and me.

Coming from the BDSM world, the spanko world confused me. In BDSM, masochists are out, proud, and boast of their masochistic depths – indeed, the most sought after thing is to be a “bottomless pit” which can take all the pain a Top dishes out – and preferably orgasm from it. (Of course, not many people are actually like this, and this ideal probably alienates many people as much as it did me!)

On the other hand, so many spankos claim to not enjoy pain at all. They suffer CP to get other rewards, they claim. This point of view helped me, when first arriving from the cult of the masochist (“Ah! It’s okay that pain hurts!”) However, it soon got in my way, because there are indeed times when a stroke hits just right, and I process it as pleasure. Or I get a spanking that amps things up slowly, just right yet again, and I can actually come from it, just like a real big masochist, mommy!

That’s what made me want to change the common-use (within the BDSM/spanko communities) definition of masochist, from “someone who enjoys pain” to “someone who gets something from pain” (which is what the dictionary definition is, anyway). Because I think most people who want to be spanked (or otherwise caned, whipped, strapped, or paddled) fall somewhere in-between the 0 of “I get nothing from being spanked” to the 10 of “I am a raging masochist who will come from being skinned alive”.

But this post is ranging too far in scope – I actually meant to just be talking about my own self-discoveries. Just as sexuality is fluid, so is masochism, it seems. (Although of course, for me, I don’t think there is any real division between my sexuality and my masochism.) Some days I just want the CP equivalent of love pats. Other days I crave my fundament being turned entirely black and blue….

But even more, as I learn more about myself, my own ability to take more and different kinds of pain expands.
Read the rest of this entry »

Last night Mr Defeu and I watched Time Shift: Series 10: Crime and Punishment – The Story of Corporal Punishment.

I have to say, it was really, really surreal to see CP images just playing on the television, not in a porn DVD, but as part of a show made for general viewing.

Here is the description (which is clearly made for people who are coming to the programme opposing CP…)

Timeshift lifts the veil on the taboo that is corporal punishment. What it reveals is a fascinating history spanning religion, the justice system, sex and education. Today it is a subject that is almost impossible to discuss in public, but it’s not that long since corporal punishment was a routine part of life. Surprising and enlightening, the programme invites us to leave our preconceptions at the door so that we may better understand how corporal punishment came to be so important for so long.

I’m still trying to fully sum up to myself what I thought of the show. It was one of those eye-opening reminders that the rest of the world does not live in my happy CP bubble, and that corporal punishment apologists are not seen with much sympathy out there in the cold, cruel, spanking-free world.

And of course, there is whole matter of how people who were against CP pointed out that it could be eroticised, and it was used in porn – which was seen as suitable condemnation, no further discussion needed…..

Since I was watching the programme with Mr Defeu, that means I was watching it with someone who had actually experienced CP at school, which meant I got to ask him questions about his own experiences, to supplement the programme … which improved it greatly, and made it a good deal more relevant. I’m hoping that he will have the time to post some of his own thoughts here.

Obviously, this was a discussion of real-life CP, not This Thing We Do. And of course, to get in the discussion of whether it’s okay to have CP in the real world, not just in consensual bedroom games, is well beyond what I intend to write about here (because I’ve had enough drama on my blog recently, thank you, and I find it really upsetting to dread checking my own blog’s comments, because yet another upsetting can of worms has been opened).

So I can’t really, I guess, blame the show for avoiding the intersection of CP in the real world, and the world of consensual adult CP. I suppose it was quite brave of them to make the show in the first place, although of course if you want to get good ratings, you can’t do enough programmes like this. Because, no matter what people have to say about CP, so many are fascinated by it.

And that actually says a lot about it all, to me! People find a reason to watch shows like this, no matter what they otherwise think about CP. And a desire to watch “real” CP clips from the past is certainly no “better” (for whatever value of “better” you want to use there) then watching consenting adults who are getting paid to take their whacks.

Watch Time Shift: Series 10: Crime and Punishment – The Story of Corporal Punishment via BBC iPlayer Online

Mr Defeu is off on a trip again, and so when I found this old post it really resonated with me…. Originally posted on 6th Oct 2008.

Mr Defeu got home last Thursday night, and I promptly got sick. And then he had family-crisis stuff to deal with. So the best I could do as his girl was to have yummy food prepared for him, and surprise him with his desk all cleaned and neat and polished. (Most of the house was supposed to also be this way, but see above about the getting sick part, which threw the wrench in those plans!) I was scared that the weekend would go by with just dealing with family stuff. And also, when I get sick, he gets all in Daddy mode and wants to snuggle and pamper me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like being snuggled and pampered as much as the next girl, but when it means his Mean Scary Dominant Self gets turned off – then I’m a sad girl, because I live for our scenes. When he growls roughly at me to do something, my knees turn to jelly and other parts of my anatomy do fascinating things. When he gets all sweet and loving, it’s great … but well, it’s like flavours. I like to eat sweet stuff (oh yes I do indeed!) but I also crave rich, hearty, savoury flavours as well. Think of discipline and the various pains of spanking, caning, etc., as Boeuf Bourguignon, and your favourite sort of pizza, and spaghetti the way your mom made it, and creamy Potatoes Au Gratin, and sushi, and chicken satay and Tom Ka Gai, and a Monte Christo or Croque Monsieur or your favourite sandwich or burger, and, and, and … all your favourite savoury foods!

Happily, some of that yummy stuff was coming my way. He said he needed a nap, early Sunday evening, and I despaired. But then he saw I was upset and pointed out that after the nap, he would be refreshed…. He slept for about 45 minutes, and then I went in and joined him in the bed, and snuggled with him as he napped, and just enjoyed lying in bed with him, feeling his warmth and hearing his breathing, as I looked out of the window at the night-time city lights.

Eventually he stirred, and reached for my hand, and pulled it down to his cock, which was obviously wide awake and ready for action.

I laughed with delight, and said, “You should take lots of naps, Sir!”

Then I didn’t say anything for a while, because I was sucking his cock.

Read the rest of this entry »

From: Eve’s Corner Column #25, January 2011

This column features pictures from our first two videos of the new year: His Two Disobedient Wives and Starter Wife Trophy Wife Revenge Match.

This video stars Zille Defeu, her husband Duncan and Clare Fonda. Zille and her husband began coming to Shadow Lane parties a few years ago. We’ve been wanting to work with them since first meeting them but this was our first opportunity. Zille is a daring (and darling) San Francisco girl who has been featured in many a super naughty video before getting to us.

Zille (rhymes with Jill) is a fascinating young woman with her dainty retro wardrobe and kinky exhibitionist personality. She’s well read and charming and found herself a proper English husband to satisfy (I should guess) most of her gothic fantasies. Well bred but pro-active, Zille stands for perfect foundation garments, uninhibited sexual self expression and of course, classic domestic discipline. I didn’t cast her as a household goddess in my video for no reason. Polymorphosly perverse but always in the prettiest ways, the actress and film maker possesses a uniquely artistic flare for fetishism and porcelain skin that pinkens at the slightest suggestion of a spanking.

Read the rest of this entry »