Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘Shadow Lane’ Category

Hello there, my dear Readers. I’m utterly worn out from my time dealing with my family, so this isn’t going to be the proper post I’d like to do, but I just wanted to do a small post thanking you all for being wonderful friends and fans this past year.

This wasn’t an easy year for me. At this time last year I was in a really bad place, and in the beginning of the year Mr Defeu and I had some real hard spots. I am really proud of the fact that despite the bad stuff I kept this blog going, and I think the reward is that, with the hard patches worked through, we are in a wonderful place and ready to have a brilliant new year — and I’m so ready to be back to this blog — which is really a very important part of my life — in a much more meaningful way in the coming year.

Kaya sums up how she feels about her Master S … which is just how I feel about Mr Defeu:

He makes me feel loved, and cherished. He makes me feel beautiful and wanted. He makes me feel special and worthy. He’s my companion, my lover. He makes me laugh, sometimes until I cry. I never want for a hug or a kiss. I’m never without someone to talk to, a warm body to snuggle, a welcoming lap to slide onto, loving eyes to look into.

Shadowlane has done a delightful 12 Days of Christmas which ends up at a teaser for the video Mr Defeu and I just did for them. (And don’t I look quite distressed about the over-girdle spanking I’m getting, there!)

Delicious Pandora Blake has been outdoing herself recently with excellent posts — thought-provoking and sexy — and Abel & Haron agree! I’ll just like to her site as a whole, because I can’t choose just one to link to. She also had some very kind words to say about me — thank you, darling girl!

Zille is currently in the running for this year’s New Spankee award at the Spanking Spot, although she’s not a new spankee – she’s been running BDSM and fetish porn sites for years as a producer and photographer, and is only new to the niche world of pure spanking sites. Speaking as a producer/director myself, I can tell you that she’s an absolute star to work with – totally professional, very talented and a complete sweetheart. Please do vote for her – she’s one of the pioneers of queer and female-gaze porn, a total hottie and a gorgeous person to boot, and it would be great to give her credit where it’s due.

Not to jinx myself, the New Spankee of the Year vote is going well for me at the moment, and I am cautiously hopeful! (This is not to say that I couldn’t still loose at the last minute, so please take a moment to vote, if you haven’t yet!) I am not sure exactly how I will thank everyone if I DO win, but I have some thoughts on the matter that I’m tossing around in my head. A free video of me being spanked is one of my ideas….

Speaking of free videos, Ludwig & Kaelah have a free spanking video treat for everyone happening right now at their site. Mr Defeu and I have been barely capable of making tea for ourselves the past few days, so we haven’t seen it yet, but it’s high on the priority list!

Okay, for “not a proper post” this has been going on reasonably long! Hopefully, posts in this coming year will just flow out as easily as this one has done. Thank you for sticking with me during a year when I was barely around, and for then for voting for me at the end of this missing year! You are the best friends and fans a girl could hope for, and I appreciate you all very much!

Oh! Mr Defeu has been making some noises about writing for this blog. The best thing I could think of for the coming year would be for him to join me here. Please take a moment to let him know that he is wanted not just by me, but that you would all like to hear his side of the story, too!

As of right now, if you to go to the Shadowlane website, you’ll see me! This is sooooo exciting for me — to see myself right on the front of Shadowlane’s website! Wheeee!

(And don’t I look sad and sorry? Pity me, poor thing, because so many terrible things have obviously happened to me, and now I’m out in the snow all alone! However, despite my misadventures, my stockings are straight, so at least I have my pride!)

I would add another “happy moment” from shooting with Mr Defeu for Shadowlane, but to be honest the whole thing is one huge happy memory. In the years I’ve been with my husband my lust for him has never waned — indeed, it just gets stronger over time. So to get to have the fun of making a film, be doing it with Tony and Eve, who are just brilliant to work with, and to top it off, be having the sort of fun roleplay scenario that I love best, and be doing it with the person I most want to do it with — how can you top that?

This is a good moment to add a request to please vote for me as the New Spankee of the Year. Many of you lovely people have stepped up and voted for me — my thanks! — but I’m still not quite there (when I check I’m either second or third, as votes for the various girls come in). I don’t know if you can vote more than once, but if you have voted, please check back and see if they allow multiple votes from one person.

My dear friend Mija has this to say:

The lovely blogger and model Zille Defeu (one of the charming and witty PB co-authors) has been nominated on the spankingspot.com as the best new spankee of the year.

Though I’m not sure “new” quite describes someone with the range and experience of Zille, I’m thrilled for the chance to recognize her film work and encourage you to click here and vote for Zille. I mean, look at this picture. Doesn’t she clearly deserve it? (To win I mean. What on earth were you thinking?)
—
Addendum:
Right after I hit send I thought I’d add this. In addition to her own blog writing and modeling, Zille has done a lot in the spanking scene this year. I don’t follow her every move (much as that might be great fun) but I’ve seen her organize the SF-CP spanking party up in San Francisco (and epic fun night) and know she’s worked as a volunteer judge for this year’s SSC contest. She’s also attended Shadow Lane as well as UK hosted parties. She and her partner were a great help at helping run errands for the Northern Spanking suite party at Shadow Lane.

What’s my point? Vote for Zille not because she’s got a pretty face. Vote for her because, in best sense of the term, she’s a good all-rounder and gives back to our scene and community. What more can anyone ask of anyone, spankee or not?

Thank you, Mija! Thank you so much. I don’t even know what to say after reading that. Knowing that people really do notice and appreciate you … it’s an amazing feeling!

Our first shoot with Shadowlane — yes, I wrote, “our” – that’s because Mr. Defeu has joined me on camera for his first porn outing with his face showing! (You’ll remember he worked with me on a spanking video for IFM, but there he was still incognito.) Being the wise fellow that he is, he waited until he was truly comfortable with being on camera making adult films – then, he went for it, no holds barred! (Something I hope any spanking actress – male or female – will do with the same self-awareness. If you ain’t comfortable, just don’t do it – when you become comfortable, don’t let anything stop you!)

I’ve been promised plenty of teaser shots from Tony & Eve (and let me tell you, they’ll be teasing me just as much as you – I can’t wait to see the videos!) for now, here’s a fun one. I just wanted to get some impressions down, while they were fresh.

A favourite moment was when Mr D and Clare Fonda were in a scene together. They were a married couple (not long to remain so!) and he had just found out that she’d been cheating on him, as well as lying and stealing. He confronts her, and it ends with him spanking her – an outcome which I’m sure will surprise you all!

The minute they got on camera together, sparks flew. They are both witty, eloquent, vibrant people, and they were just brilliant together. They were funny, genuine, and intense. There was one point where they were arguing, and they just started talking right over one another, like a couple who has been together for too long, and just doesn’t care what the other has to say anymore. It was amazing – I had no idea that my husband is such a brilliant actor, and I can’t wait to see him doing other films!

Another wonderful moment was while I was working with Clare. Well, most of the moments were quite wonderful, actually, but this is the one I’ll tell you about right now. I had tried to blackmail “Iris,” my husband’s ex-wife (see above!) and demanded to spank her to keep her secret. Well, she then got the goods on me, and promised to my husband unless I let her spank me – and then she wanted to humiliate me even more by penetrating first my pussy and then my ass – gasp!

Now, the spanking was of course fantastic – it was coming from Clare Fonda, after all! – but the moment of penetration, especially the anal one, had this delicious humiliation to it that I keep remembering with erotic shudders.

Now, I know you’ll say, “But Zille, you’re just an anal-sex loving slut who can’t get enough bum action!” to which I’d have to agree, but the thing is that I’m a different kind of slut than I used to be.

Before I got into the spanko scene, I was more the “shameless hussy,” sort. I’d been there and done that, and I wasn’t going to be embarrassed anymore by most anything I was okay with doing in any scene. I mean, I’d probably done it on stage at the fetish nightclub or at the peep show where I’d worked, so shame was something I’d proudly done away with.

But, reading Janusii, and watching spanko porn, and reading the journals of the lovely spanko community, I realized that I wanted that shame back – that it added a piquancy that being a shameless hussy just couldn’t have by definition.

That doesn’t mean that I’m any less proud of my career in porn or my performances at fetish events or even the orgies I had in college. But, somehow, just by wanting it, I got back the embarrassment that I thought I’d gotten rid of – so that I could get a thrill of shame and awkwardness from merely taking down my knickers – while otherwise entirely clothed!

I had always maintained that “I’m just not into that humiliation thing,” when actually I am really, really into it – I just needed a new framework for it. Being humiliated when being a naked slave on a chain did nothing for me. But being humiliated whilst dressed in a proper schoolgirl uniform – now you’re talking!

So, there I was, on a porn set, where you’d think that after the amount of time I’ve spent making porn in my life would be the one place where I’d feel just entirely at home. And I could have done, and would have done five years ago.

But now both my character and my real self were deeply enjoying the embarrassment of being exposed and penetrated. My character was feeling degraded and shamed by the tables being turned on her, and the obviously inferior [grins to Clare] ex-wife getting to have her evil way with her. I found myself feeling quite shy suddenly to have a roomful of people I’d just met seeing a long acrylic dildo shoved up my bottom. Yes, yes, they were all pros who’d seen this sort of thing a million times before, something I would have reassured myself with if I wasn’t enjoying the exquisite humiliation of it all.

It’s an odd thing, perhaps, to write about getting turned on at a porn shoot. But when I work with people, I give them 100% effort – and that means that my arousal is more a sort of cerebral thing. As I work, the thought “Oh, look, I’m in this hot situation with these sexy people, doing stuff that really turns me on!” will flash through my mind, but it is sharing space with: “Am I facing the lighting correctly?” “Am I working with the camera(s) to best effect?” “How is my co-actor doing?” “What is my next line?” “What emotions should my character be feeling now, and am I expressing them with face and body?” “Am I talking loud enough for the cameras to be catching it?” and so forth.

So it was with a real delight that I realized how aroused I was by the humiliating circumstances (a basically complete stranger I’d met a couple hours earlier is shoving an acrylic dildo up my ass in front of other near-strangers, and my husband!) and I was in a place where I could really enjoy it – my character was supposed to be feeling the same thing, for similar reasons, and all I had to do was lie there an make the appropriate noises – which, if I just let go and enjoyed the situation, would happen naturally.

So all those things coming together (as it were) put me in a space where I could really enjoy them as much as if I was in a private scene at home.

Of course, I have to thank Eve, Tony, Butch, and Clare for giving me that moment. I trusted all of them implicitly, so I could just let go and enjoy myself.

I can’t wait to see the films, and whenever Shadowlane wants us, we’ll get our butts right down to Vegas!

My dear fans and friends,

Would you please take a moment and go vote for me in the Spanking Spot 2010 awards “New Spankee” category? It means a great deal to me that I was nominated, and it would actually mean a ridiculous amount to me if I won.

I’ve had a good year as a spankee. I’ve worked with NSI twice (read about that here and here). I did a wonderful day of shooting with Pandora for her upcoming site (see below) and this coming weekend I’m flying out to shoot videos for Shadowlane! (I also had a spanking party of my own in San Francisco, had a wonderful time at Shadowlane, and was “finished off” at Mrs Darling’s Academy.)

The lovely Pandora and me (and Tom, of course!), a teaser shot of what’s to come:

The adorable Bailey and me:

Stephen Lewis would want you to!

Vote for me or I’ll pout! (Promise!)

And just one more for fun:

(Image from the exciting new Rose & Cheek Spanking Parties.)

A website called “Blisstree.com” has put up an article called. “What to Wear to a Spanking Party“. It reads like this:

So you’ve finally been invited to a spanking party, and, if you’re anything like me, your first question is: “What shall I wear?” It’s not the sort of thing you can look up easily in Emily Post or call your mother and ask what her set did. Still, spanking parties have become commonplace enough that there is a fair amount of information available. Here are some tips to get you started:

As you may well imagine, spanking parties have their own sort of preferred dress code. Some could argue that what you wear to a spanking party is even more critical that what you wear to a sex party, a topic I tackled here last month. Indeed, because spanking parties rarely involve nudity, the clothes become a part of the event, so you’ll want to choose your outfit carefully.

As with sex parties, there are a few practical considerations to take into account. For spankees, pantyhose are definitely a hindrance to straddling someone’s lap for a good paddling. Go for stay-up or garter belt stockings instead. And skirts and dresses are much easier to hike up if you’ve been naughty than unbuttoning a pair of pants.

Spankers are, by nature, a fairly conservative crowd, and the dress follows suit. Most parties are held in private homes with many spanking hookups dispersing to private rooms, but the bold and experienced will likely get the party started in full view. To err on the safe side, dress as you would for a dinner party – men in sports jacket, collared shirts, even a suit and tie, and women in dresses and skirts, as mentioned above. Schoolgirl outfits are popular, and a friend of mine who attended a recent spanking event dressed as a librarian was the hit of the evening, no pun intended.

Definitely leave your bondage gear at home. Wrong crowd (and crowds that rarely mix or crossover). If you show up with your leathers and chains, you may not be invited back. Instead, plan on doing a lot of pleasant chatting about spanking with fellow devotees, and then repair to your private room. Bottoms up!

Alright, this article is not so bad. It seems to be written by a friend of a spanko, who needed to get an article up on the website, especially an article that would generate a lot of traffic. When said friend talks about the wonderful spanking party they went to, this author had a lightbulb go off over their head — “Ah ha! That’s what I’ll write about! That should get lots of links back!”

Overall, I think we can count this as a reasonable win for spanko-vanilla relations. Some useful information is gotten out onto the internet, in a vanilla forum, where it might do some good. And, in return, the website generates some nice buzz for itself, so everyone is happy.

Well, until you see how the article spawns outward. Here is the next incarnation of it:

Parties are usually fun. They’re usually based around some type of celebration such a birthday, a graduation, a wedding, or even sex. But then we came across the idea of a “Spanking Party” and had to wonder… is this really a party? When I think of spanking, I think back to the days of breaking my older sister’s barbie doll at age 5 and having to fear that my Dad would come home later and spank the hell out of me as a punishment. However, there seems to be a decent amount of people out there that like to get together for the sole purpose of spanking one another. Just like every other activity, “Spanking Parties” have their own set of etiquettes to follow.

According to our friends over at BlissTree.com, if you find yourself attending one of these odd parties, you better show up wearing the proper attire or you may end up being the outcast amongst outcasts. For example, don’t show up thinking you’re attending a whips & chains event. Surprisingly, most attendees of these odd parties actually like the more casual and conventional dress attire. Men can keep it simple with blazers and jeans while women have been known to dress up as librarians or school girls.

BlissTree also suggests sparking up conversation that has to do with the topic at hand: spanking. Here at Leftos, we’re not that knowledgeable about the world of spanking, but to each their own. If you do end up on the invitation list and decide to attend, be sure to check out BlissTree’s full article before you show up being the weirdo at a weirdo party!

How quickly we go from reasonably respectful, even if spankos are being used as a topic to draw traffic and links to a website, to belittling and downright insulting — while still using spankos as a way to draw traffic and links to a website!

And also, the jerks at “Leftos” manage to mangle or otherwise distort the info. Even down to making it less useful for the poor first-time party goer who mistakenly trusts this link. The first article said, “To err on the safe side, dress as you would for a dinner party – men in sports jacket, collared shirts, even a suit and tie, and women in dresses and skirts, as mentioned above. Schoolgirl outfits are popular, and a friend of mine who attended a recent spanking event dressed as a librarian was the hit of the evening, no pun intended.” And I would stand by that advice! ” But the second article for some reason says, “Men can keep it simple with blazers and jeans while women have been known to dress up as librarians or school girls.”

Where did the jeans come from?! And what’s this, “women have been known to” crap? If the idiot who wrote this took even five seconds to google “spanking,” he’d have soon seen that dressing up as a schoolgirl is not just something that has been “known to happen” — most spankers would probably prefer that the gals show up that way!

And I just love how such sneering negativity has crept in: “if you find yourself attending one of these odd parties, you better show up wearing the proper attire or you may end up being the outcast amongst outcasts” and “the weirdo at a weirdo party” — sure, Leftos gives lipservice to open-mindedness with the “but to each their own” line, but it is plain what the writer thinks — these are freaks — useful freaks, however, since putting this article on the Leftos site will generate some nice buzz!

It just makes me want to go slap their smug faces. They are using me and my compatriots while at the same time mocking us.

I know, I know — it’s nothing new. But this was just a shockingly pellucid example of it.

For any person who has found this entry while searching. “What to Wear to a Spanking Party,” let me just clarify things.
Read the rest of this entry »