Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Archive for the ‘spankosphere’ Category

The next day (more on the first day here) was Finishing School. I slept in as late as possible, and almost had the choice of skipping breakfast or being late. And Mrs. Darling would not approve of either of those things! (Mr. Defeu went down and ordered breakfast whilst I was still getting my stockings clipped onto my garter belt, so that once I was dressed I could rush down and scarf some food in a most unladylike hurry. And then do my lipstick in the elevator on the way up to the tenth floor … and a room to which I dreaded and longed to go!)

You may recall that Finishing School was pretty much one of the most exciting things I’ve done since, well, um, my whole life. When we found out that there would be a Finishing School at this Shadowlane, there was no doubt that we would be attending this year’s party! (After all, I flew to Scotland for the first one, so there was no way I could miss one so much closer to home!)

I arrived at the door to Northern Spanking’s suite, nervous as hell and quite sure that as soon as I walked in, all hell would indeed break loose, undoubtedly upon my ass. You see, as the only student who had attended the previous FS, I was “Head Girl”, even though I had only come in fourth in the class. Now I had attained dizzying heights … but because of how things work in that mini-universe, I knew it was my job to topple from them – and make it a good show on the way down!

I checked my skirt, that my shirt was tucked in neatly, and hoped to hell my seams were straight!

Mrs Darling was suitably nervous-making, with her comments about how I would receive double-punishments over my class-mates, but, as usual, Miss Hammond-Grant was utterly terrifying. She would wander over, whether I was doing anything remotely naughty or not (a few times when I was just thinking about what naughtiness I ought to get up to, next!) and would just get up into my personal space, and then stare down at me. It made one third of me desire to be nothing but well-behaved for the rest of my life, another third of me immediately start planning how best to get her to do that again, and the final third part of me really just wanted her to grab me by the ear and drag me into the next room. (What would we do there? Oh, well she would teach me not to get up to “unnatural acts” involving other young ladies through “Aversion therapy” [shudders deliciously] )
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(The results of Friday night at Shadowlane. See below for how those marks got there!)

For me, Shadowlane is about friends. It is also about spanking, but I’m afraid my account of the best spanking party in the U.S. is simply not going to be as exciting as some of the bottoms who spend the party going from lap to lap.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, of course – they are just in a different place from me. Some of them may not have spanking in their lives all the rest of the time, and this is their big weekend to play and get in experiences to keep them going for another dreary year. Or some are eager newbies, wanting to taste every experience, and taste it now. Or some other equally valid explanation. Whatever, if you want a scene report that is just the non-stop spankathon that can be one’s Shadowlane experience, go sort through other blog posts here.

A friend asked me what I was into (I was burbling excitedly to him about rope bondage at the time) and I think it bears a little explanation, since I’m always considering it and having new realisations, myself.
As many of you know, I started in the dungeon. I got into BDSM in college, having been handed Pat Califia’s Macho Sluts by a girl I really wanted to sleep with. (I did eventually sleep with her. And do kinky things with her. And make porn with her. We had a very useful friendship!) I joined the “Younger Generation” BDSM group, and spent my time learning the best sort of candles to use for wax play, how to properly coil rope for rope bondage, how to season a single-tail so it cracks best, and how to wrap someone in saran wrap and then make convenient slits and slide ice cubes in and make them scream and squirm. (Okay, that last bit came naturally!)

The dungeon is really a useful place. To this day, I can show you how best to set me on fire (very temporarily!) for the prettiness and adrenalin rush of it. But what it did not do was help me find my way to my “core kink”, as it were. I took classes on everything – it was sort of assumed you wanted to learn everything, from where to hit on someone’s bum, to how to get a fist up there as well! And I, caught up in the thrill of kinky excitement, just went along for the marvellous ride.

I think people were supposed to find their “thing” along the way. But, for many years, I just bounced around, trying everything at least once, “Jacqueline of all trades, mistress of none.”

A funny thing that came out of that is that, for the longest time, I just decided I was “not a masochist“. Pain turned out to hurt, you see, and without the drive of a core kink, it just really didn’t seem worth it. I had nothing to help me through the pain of a beating, so I just avoided them. The pains of rope bondage had a reward (the attention you get as you are tied and untied, the admiration you get for holding a hard bondage position, and usually pictures of yourself looking hot and sexy in the ropes.

I had decided that I only liked “thuddy” pain. (I think this was a way to get only nice safe floggers used on me, or some such.) Amusingly, a professional dominatrix friend then told me that if I didn’t like stingy pain, I wouldn’t ever enjoy a caning. And I have to seriously thank her for that! Because it meant that Mr Defeu was the first person to cane me. And being able to have that “cherry” for him to pop meant so terribly much to both of us!

Now that Mr Defeu has come up, it’s really time to leave the dungeon for the headmaster’s office. Because when he handed me a stack of Januses (Janii?) – in between the first time he spanked me and our first date! – that’s when my core kink came suddenly, completely into focus.
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Personal illness and family turbulence have kept me from updating this blog recently, but I’ve been missing it terribly. I think of posts I want to do, but then other things get in the way and I never get to post them.

But I simply had to take the time to share this! It’s a film I did with Pandora Blake & Thomas Cameron for Dreams of Spanking. When I saw it go up (thanks, Pandora my dear!) I watched it again, and whoooooo, it is pure hotness. And I say this despite the fact that I am in it, because I’m a harsher critic of myself than anyone else could possibly be! The description on the site summarizes it perfectly:

A hard-hitting tale about the culture clash between two free-spirited young flappers rebelling against authority by drinking, dancing and smoking. Emotionally edgy and physically intense, with violent belt whippings delivered in anger, shouting, struggling and crying, ending in the two young ladies thrashed side by side.

But the girls find a way to turn the tables on their repressive guardian, indulging in an extensive girl-on-girl comforting and petting scene and soothing each other’s red and welted bottoms.

So even the mere outline of the story is hot! But my memories add further sizzle…

This was our first shoot of the day. I was totally into the storyline, but when Uncle Thomas threw me onto the bed and brought his belt down on my un-warmed-up bottom, it suddenly took me into really intense headspace, really feeling my character’s emotions. Even with cameras and lights and the usual distractions of making a film, this was also just a really hot scene for me.

Not one reaction is played up for drama, here — indeed, considering how much I remember it hurting, I was amazed to find I didn’t screech like a banshee! I can promise viewers that these strappings are real, and were really a struggle to make it through! (Although, as you can see from the way I jumped on Pandora at the end of the video, that’s how I like it…!)

Another great thing is that one of the people shooting this was Mr Defeu! Whether he is on-camera with me, or behind the camera, shoots are just better when he is involved!

Thank you Pandora and Tom, for giving me this wonderful memory in film form! And to those watching it — I am so glad I can share it with you!

Two things are making me think about my schoolgirl uniforms, today.

One, American Apparel has just come out with their own line of Pleated Schoolgirl Skirts which is really good news, because it means that it is much easier to pick up very authentic looking (not the slutty, obviously fake kind) skirts which are nonetheless made to fit people who have secondary sex characteristics (relevantly: a hip to waist ratio which is not equal!) They have a range of colours including: Heather Taupe, Light Charcoal, Dark Charcoal, Navy, and Black.

For me, authenticity is just so very vital. I don’t mind wearing a tarty little tartan number for parties, or in a joking way around vanillas or spankos who will find it funny. But for real scenes with Mr Defeu and other people who care about such things, well, authenticity is where my heart lies; it helps me get into that vulnerable headspace which makes a spanking scene so much more intense. For me, a slutty skirt would actually act as a shield, something I can hide behind, not something which helps me open up. (I realise this is ironic when the slutty skirt involves so much less material. It’s just one of those weird things: I feel emotionally nakeder in the longer skirt, with big ol regulation knickers under that!)

On the other hand, I don’t want to be just wearing an ill-fitting costume. I want the uniform to be something I would wear, something in which I can look smart. So sometimes, it is hard for me to balance the desire to get all my schoolgirl clothes from the children’s uniform section. Making real schoolgirl skirts for adults addresses this problem perfectly. (After all, the skirt fit you when you were a child. Why should an ill-fitting one be more “authentic” than one made for your current shape and size?)

Also, Maggie Mayhem has done a very intense post entitled Why I Hated My School Girl Skirt Then And Why I’ll Fuck In It Now. A quote I really like:

Porn isn’t in the wrong for using the school girl uniform, schools are already forcing and establishing the dominance pecking order by establishing a school girl uniform. That’s some non-consensual D/s shit and it’s much more appropriate to do between two consenting adults. Consensual outlets for self-aware control freaks, that is my sexual harm reduction method. Your brain is the best sex toy you will ever own and part of fighting oppression is looking into yourself and how it holds you back and how to participate in it. When you eroticize something, you pull it from that context and begin to engage with it in a way that moves towards more awareness. Just playacting doesn’t create the conscious awareness, thinking about why and the context with which you have those feelings is a separate and long process. At the very least, the images jump to the forefront of your brain in a place where you cannot and will not ignore them completely.

So what’s the word for that sexual identity?

Checking my search terms, I found a list which really amused and delighted me. Here is it, with comments!

• victorian women punishment

Yum! Feel free to share your own links, when you come to visit, please! This is a topic I can’t get enough of!

• spanked wearing a girdle

Yes, please! I mean, oh, do you want me to make some more porn in that vein…?

• hieroglyphic blowjobs

Oh, you mean this one? Maybe I should find an artist friend to do some kinky hieroglyphs…. Anyone interested?

• spanking marks

To be annoyingly precise, actually just a hand-spanking doesn’t usually leave marks, per se (although that first red handprint you sometimes get is nothing to sneeze at!) But if you want marks, I’d say search for “caning marks” or “strap marks” or “whip marks”, personally…!

• fingerfuck

Again with the “Yes, please!” I realize that I do not have enough images of fingers going into nether bits on this site … this must be rectified. Or, erm, vagified as well….

• birching pics

While there are these, again, I realize we have been sorely remiss. Or not sorely enough!

• medieval anal

Hmmm. Well, I guess they are going to this page, but then I guess they are disappointed upon doing so, because the “medieval anal” story I had up there I removed at some point in time (probably thinking it was worth sending out for publication, which I’ve never gotten around to doing!) So, what do you lot think? Should I just repost my “medieval anal” story up her for those few people in the world who will be searching on it (but who, I assume, will be ever so grateful should they actually find it!), or do I get my butt in gear and get it published in some anal sex erotica anthology?

• erotic victorian martinet spanking

Well, yes! I didn’t think I had much to satisfy that searcher here, so I did my own search, with excellent result:

Since Mr Defeu has an especially mean and nasty martinet, I think this calls for us making some victorian porn with said martinet! Although I may be a smart girl and be behind the camera for that one!

• zeille defeu

Um, no. Fail. It’s Zille. Rhymes with “Jill”. And how the hell do you even say that?

• mri sex

Ok. You’re looking for this page. It never gets old, does it?

• schoolgirls spanking

Also never gets old. (See pretty much every other post on this blog!)

• anal video clip

Well, all my favourites over the years seem to have gone from their clip sites. I wish I had downloaded them! However, my very favourite anal video is still there for your enjoyment!

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When all is said and done, I’m really happy with the ways people are finding this blog, and I hope they in turn are happy for having found it! Please feel free to leave a comment letting me know if you have found what you were looking for when you stopped by this site — and if you haven’t, free free to make a request!