Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

When I was a kid, anything that had spanking in it would have my immediate attention. Even a small reference to it would take a book from a “read once,” to a “cherish and read often.” The 1916 book about two twins living in prehistoric times, The Cave Twins, had a special place on my bookshelf, and a page surreptiously marked with the slightest of dog-ears (it happened by accident, obviously!) where the cave twins, Firetop and Firefly, get in trouble. This bit of text is what tantilized me so:

” Where did you come from, you naughty little weasels?” cried Limberleg angrily.

“From the cave,” said Firefly. “We followed you because we want to see what lies beyond the blue hills across the river, too. And if you are going to spank us, please do it right away, because we are awfully hungry.”

“Oh, no,” cried Firetop. ” You needn’t do it now if you’d rather not! Couldn’t you put it off until we get home again? We’re willing to wait, and you’d have more time then.”

Limberleg and Hawk-Eye didn’t discuss the matter. They sat right down on the log and began. Limberleg took Firefly and Hawk-Eye took Firetop, and they spanked and spanked.

“Now, can we have something to eat?” sniffled Firetop when it was over. Limberleg looked at Hawk-Eye.” We can’t send them back alone,” she said. Firetop saw that they were going to give in.

“The hyenas would surely get us,” he said plaintively. ” We’re pretty small to go back alone,” sobbed Firefly.

Another book that was a guilty pleasure (this had a small grubby bit of once-white pipe-cleaner stuck inside it, on the same, “I have no idea how that got there — it must have fallen in! It’s certainly not a bookmark!” principle) was a book of poems called A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein. I can’t find the text of the poem online, but I have read it so often I still think I can remember it:

Johnnie built a guillotine
and tried it on his sister Jean
said mother running with the mop
these messy games have got to stop!

Now, I know this has nothing to do with spanking, but beside the poem was an illustration of Jean on her hands and knees, head in the “lunette” of the guillotine, blade still high, and Johnnie with a look of pure boyish sadism on his face (and in the background, mother running with the mop and bucket!). Why did I like this enough to mark the spot in the book where I could find it? It was Jean’s postion: on her hands and knees, in bondage. I couldn’t look at that image enough!

But then there was the real smut of my childhood. They were two books from a series by Dare Wright, about a doll who is adopted by a bear, that my mom had bought for me, approved for children by various children’s book associations and concerned mothers everywhere. The first book is The Lonely Doll. In these first two images from it, you can see immediately my attraction…

Okay, so how could a kid who was titillated at the very mention of spanking resist these images, I ask you?! The second is obvious (although further improved by the text that goes beneath it: ” ‘I may be a silly’, Mr. Bear answered, ‘but I know when a naughty little girl needs a spanking.’ “) but even the first, with the paternal Mr. Bear holding that ruler, that was just up my alley. Or, rather, helped me build my alley!
The spankings continue in the next book Edith & Mr. Bear. The first image shows what I have come (thanks due in no small part to this very image, I’m sure) to see as the perfect love that I want: comfort from my father-figure, the tender stroke of his hand upon my hair, to always be his little girl who can climb into his arms for comfort. I loved that as a child, and never grew out of wanting it.

This second is of course obvious — Edith and Little Bear have gotten themselves into trouble again (playing with matches, wouldn’t you know!) and Mr. Bear turns them both over his knee right then and there. Look at how Edith leans on the stove and cries, head resting on her arm in shame and self-pity — could you have posed a real live girl better than that?!

No, like any high heel fetishist who spent time as a child on the floor of Mommy’s closet playing with her stilettos, these images contributed profoundly to the spanko and pervert I am today. Only … there was something in me that reached for those images from as soon as I could understand looking at images and not just seeing shapes. This is deep in the core of who-I-am, and I was born with it the same way I was born with green eyes … and, to be honest, I’m very glad I was born with both those aspects of myself!

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