Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

I was wandering around FetLife yesterday when I ran across the most incredible real-life CP story I’ve ever read. This is pretty much the perfect plot to a Janus Magazine story — it is the perfect example of honest-to-goodness CP being used the way disciplinarians prefer best, but which happens all too infrequently in the world these uncivilized days. I just had to share it with you lot, and so I asked the brave and (since fortune favours the brave) fortunate lady if I could repost her wonderful and inspiring tale over here. She has kindly said I could, so, with no further ado, here is “Exercise and Spanking” by “NaughtyNan”….

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I have a personal trainer, who comes to my house for the workouts. Although I’d initially been one of his “success stories,” losing 42 pounds in about 6 months, over the past year I not only didn’t continue to lose weight, but rather I gained about 10 pounds BACK, plus lost some of my motivation for working out. It really bothered my trainer that I’d slipped; he felt responsible for it.

So he’d been thinking hard about how to re-motivate me, and he decided to propose a scheme of rewards and punishments. I’d be expected to send him a daily email, listing my caloric intake, any exercise, sleep hours, time I’d gone to bed, energy levels, etc. He expected me to also work out with a good attitude each and every time, and not be lazy or spend excess time chatting (which IS what I do sometimes to waste exercise time, I must admit) instead of really settling down to exercise. Initially he’d told me that I ought to think of some sort of reward, to be given after about a month of compliance. And initially he was thinking that the punishment would be that he’d make me do the exercises that I really hated.

The conflict was internal. I loved the idea at once, of course; it’s a sound idea, plus the novelty of it was sure to help me. (I have ADHD, and I respond well to novelty and variety.) But from the very first couple of emails that he sent me, my emotions got totally roiled up, and I had trouble composing those daily emails. I recognized, you see, that what I was entering into was a sort of Top-bottom/Dominant-submissive contract, and that I was agreeing to submit to his control. I was really surprised by how it aroused my emotions, and how hard it was to actually SUBMIT.

Now I have to add that in NO WAY do I want my relationship with my personal trainer to get romantic or sexual. From the beginning of our workouts I’d always enjoyed the exercises the most that were quasi-BDSM in how I ended up positioned, or in how painful they could get, or when he would interact with me in a commanding sort of way. These things all tickled my secret submissive heart, of course. (I am in a vanilla marriage, I should add.) So I enjoyed those aspects, without any thought of romance or eroticism. (He is a newlywed, in fact, and I attended his wedding. Nor is the type of guy to whom I am attracted—which was part of my intent in hiring him.) But of course when he told me to think of what I wanted as a reward—and he said to think BIG—my mind raced towards pleasant, good-girl spankings. But how could I tell him that? Of course I couldn’t, and would probably have to settle for a good back massage or something like that.

Well…somehow, about a week ago, a moment opened up in which I actually came OUT of the SPANKING closet! I’d always mentioned to him, whenever he asked if something was hurting, that I was fine, that in fact I rather liked pain. He’d always said that he does too. He and I have talked very openly about many topics, including the lack of intimacy in my marriage, and he’s told me similar details about his life with his ex-wife and his happy new life with his current bride. I’ve always felt a great deal of mutual trust and discretion, that we could share almost everything. But all my life, I have only ever told 1-2 people—actual people in my life, as opposed to all of you nice online anonymous community—about my spanko urges and my bondage desires and my submissive side.

He told me that he was very frustrated, that he felt he lacked some KEY to helping me get motivated. And I told him, yes, there was a key, and here is what it is…

I was hideously embarrassed, telling him. It was very hard. And liberating. And I blushed more than i’ve done in years! But I told him, and he was very open and responsive to it. While he didn’t get very happy and tell me that this had been HIS secret kink all along (which would have been the most fairy tale of outcomes), he WAS very, very pleased that I trusted him with this knowledge, and said that he was really open to doing ANYTHING to help motivate a client…

So the next time we met, we hardly worked out at all. Instead he asked me questions, and made me tell him more about what made me “tick.” And we discussed (in a quasi-rational, but again really embarrassing, way) exactly WHAT he might do for rewards and punishments, now that he knew about my, er, interests and secret dreams.

So that brings me to YESTERDAY!

Yesterday he came over and we sat down and talked, and he told me that we were going to “Practice” the punishment/reward styles of spanking. He’d hoped that I had some sort of video to show him (something BRIEF, not long), something that might give him some ideas as to how to do it, or how harshly to whack me. But I don’t watch online videos (too worried about things getting in a cache and kids finding them), so I had nothing. And once again I was really hideously nervous and tried to hide it by talking non-stop. I figured he meant, we’ll practice the NEXT time he comes over. He also told me that he was a little worried about himself, since he had already discovered—over the past few days—that he seemed to be MUCH better at thinking up punishments for me than rewards!
Finally he said, “Okay, you’re really stalling. We’re going to practice NOW, so why don’t you get the implements you want me to use.”

I just about died. But I went and got some implements. A ping-pong paddle. A hairbrush (unfortunately plastic). And a spatula with that new rubbery material on its very substantial end.

He said I should choose the spot, so we went downstairs into my family room. I thought the couch would be the best spot. We had to move LEGOs and cover up some laundry. It was sort of surreal…
Then he asked me if I thought it should be with clothes or without, and he told me that HE defnitely felt it should be on the bare. (This from someone who really isn’t a spanko! Or who hasn’t been in the past, at any rate…) And we discussed whether I should lower my own pants and panties, or if he should do it. Again, he took control in this area, deciding that HE should yank them down while I was standing in front of him, and then I got over his knees.

So he spanked me!

He warmed me up by hand, then tried out all the implements in order. We discovered that the plastic brush was horrible. (Not too harsh, not too mild, just—weird! So we “voted it off the spanking island,” a moment which made us both laugh, which cut some of my tension considerably.) And he experimented with how HARD to wield a ping-pong paddle, which degree of firmness might be best for a punitive spanking, and which would be best for a reward spanking.

Then he suggested we try a different position, so he had me lie over the arm of the couch, and once again experimented with the various implements.

THEN he said, “Well, what else should we try? Any other areas to spank?” Blushing horribly, I said he could try the front side of me as well, and so I peeled out of my shirt and bra and he said to lie down on the couch on my back.

And I discovered that the rubbery spatula could be VERY effective, and that it would be REALLY good for punishment spankings, especially on breasts and thighs and even more sensitive regions than THAT.
And afterwards, he examined my behind, remarking with a bit of concern as to some marks (which mostly went away quickly, only the barest bit remain today, just over 30 hrs later).

Then I got back dressed and we actually did a small workout, and at the end he grinned and said that he was very glad to have found something that might actually work. While he was checking my blood pressure (I have hypertension, so we always take a BP reading before and after a workout), I admitted that the reason why I’d felt so confused and emotional about doing the daily emails was because I knew (even though he didn’t at that point) that what I was doing was entering into a contract of (nonsexual) submission, and that I was voluntarily ceding to him the CONTROL over my diet, sleep, and exercise. At this, he nodded quite seriously and said, “Good! Now we’ll get somewhere!”

And that, boys and girls, is how my new exercise regimen has begun…Whew!

Oh, and he told me (with a truly wicked gleam in his eye) that if I failed to write ONE email, or failed to demonstrate a good attitude, or did not complete a workout to his satisfaction, that there’d be a punishment spanking. HE also said that he planned to show me (at the beginning of a workout) the exercises planned for that day, and how many of each, so that it would be clear what his expectations are for each and every workout. If I failed to write TWO emails, OR if I failed to have a good attitude/complete the entire workout, for TWO sessions in a row, the consequence would be more severe: he planned to BOTH give me a punitive spanking, AND make me do the next workout in the nude. (And this is truly something I DON’T want to do! I’m not a hardbody; rather, I have the squashy, droopy body of a typical overweight 43-year-old mother of three, and I really LIKE wearing my sports bra and my t-shirt and my yoga pants.)

And so, over the last five days, I have been very, very diligent about keeping a daily food journal and sending him my daily (brief) emails.

And the thought of that last workout truly brings a smile to my heart!

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