Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

This is a quick, somewhat random “catch-up” post.

This weekend was supposed to be a huge shoot weekend: an outdoors bondage shoot with Luke Degre and a new model on Saturday, and then a 6 hour shoot on Sunday with Lady Ripplee Severin and her girl, models Kade and Skye, and then also some fetish portraits of my friend Miu.

The shoot on Saturday went well, although we froze our bums off. I got some lovely shots, and I’m going to process my Master’s images tommorow, but I’m sure he got great stuff, too. The model was a great sport, and it was her first time doing a bondage shoot, so I think she wins some sort of award for bravery (being outside for all to see, wearing nothing but rope, knickers, and a camisole in the cold, cold wind whipping off the Pacific.) I’ll post some pictures later!

However, at the last minute, Sunday fell through. Two of the models had a health-related issue (there’s a fascinating story behind it, involving making porn, but it’s not my story to tell) and since I was renting my friend’s studio, I needed to kinda pack ‘em in to make it financially prudent. So the whole darn thing got cancelled, and now I have to try and get it rescheduled, and coordinating that many people’s schedules is never easy, but when it comes to models, it’s a bit like herding kittens. (And I can say this, as I am a model as well! So there!)

Speaking of models, my Master and I are shooting the gorgeous Sybil Hawthorne next week (whee!) and I just found this quote on her blog:

“Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy — the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.” – Eric Hoffer

My Master and I had some playtime on Sunday, but it didn’t go very well. Our connection was just not, well, connecting properly. When something like that happens, I have trouble letting go of the disappointment and hurt, and moving on so we can turn a mistake into something good. So the disappointment is at least half my fault, and of course it’s my problem from the start that I hold on too tightly to my hopes and expectations.

Scenes can’t always be the perfect combinations of lust and complimentary desires and profound connection. Sometimes people are tired, or have trouble focusing due to stress, or sometimes things just get confused because life is like that. I need to learn to “let go” so that my Master and I can salvage a scene-gone-wrong, and turn it into something reaffirming — or at least just fun!

Anyway, I come into this Monday sad and feeling emotionally worn-out, and wishing I could get a “do-over” of Sunday. Our weekends together are so short, loosing a day like that really stings.

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