Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

I don’t know when I first started this change, but I was just thinking about it last night (after having a lovely self-inflicted orgasm!) and I am perplexed but delighted by it.

Once I admitted to myself that I was interested in that sort of thing, spankings and loss of power and all that good stuff became part of my regular fantasy fare.

But it was all foreplay. When it was time for me to come, I thought about the sex part.

Somewhere, in the last five years of being with my Master and involved in the CP world, that changed. I am now able to, for example, think about a caning and imagine each stroke, all the sensations and emotions, and even count the strokes and feel my arousal build as the, um, “intensity” would if I was getting that caning in real life.

And I don’t have to conclude with sex anymore. That 18th stroke of the cane could be the one that pushes me over the edge (yes, I count them in sixes), and no need of more.

This may be old hat for a lot of you, but it’s big and new and shiny for me!

Considering it, I imagine my fantasies went through this change around the time that I was able to see a “scene” as complete and completely satisfying without it involving sex. Of course, this “time” was stretched over a period of years, so I can’t see the change-over in my memories – it’s just now this way, as if it always was this way, only I can remember when it didn’t used to be this way. (And have I made that run-on sentence incomprehensible enough…?)

I feel like I have finally earned my “spanko card.” Where does one apply for those, or do They (whoever They are) just know and it shows up in the mail one day?

I would say I’d felt I’d earned my stripes, but then, I have, haven’t I!