My first punishment of the new year
January 7th, 2009 | Author: Zille
I’ve had too much happening too fast over the holidays to get caught up, but now things have slowed down a wee bit, so I will try….
This post is called “My first punishment of the new year,” but it really starts with the last scene of the old year, because I never got to write about that before the Christmas chaos took everything over.
It was the day before my Master and I were going to my parent’s house for the holidays. I had hoped we would play, because not only would finding the time for play while we were there be improbable, there was also the fact that having kinky sex with your parents downstairs is not really an optimal situation. I did it when I lived at home, because otherwise kinky (or any other) sex wasn’t going to happen at all – but I didn’t particularly relish the concerns with getting caught, or just the fact that my parents were in the same building at the time. I much prefer having sex or any kinky play when they are on the other side of the country….
Unfortunately, the day dawned with me feeling pretty sick. I decided not to mention the matter, because if my Master knows that I am sick, he goes into Daddy-caring-for-poor-little-girl mode, which is lovely but does not lead to hot sex.
We went through the day, me finishing the packing and doing last minute things. I don’t even remember how we got into the bedroom, with a scene about to happen, but I do remember telling my sickness to go away, this was not the time for it, as I got into a pair of punishment shorts.
My Master had requested my bad girl side, but he got more than he asked for, because it seems I’d had a lot of bottled up frustration and anger inside me. I can keep it shoved down when I’m being a good girl, but when I’m allowed to be a bad girl, there doesn’t seem much point in stoically suppressing my emotions, when I could have a good tantrum.
And thus I did! Damn, but I was horrible! I think my Master was secretly a little delighted with it all, because I’m always such a good girl, but the bad girls are the ones who get spanking stories written about them! Anyway, he gave as good as he got – my ass was as weal-ed and bruised as it has ever been. I got into that headspace where I could just keep taking it and taking it, no matter how painful the cane or tawse strokes were – and I just kept talking back to him, daring him to beat me harder with every word and look. He wanted to get me to submit to him, by kissing the tawse he was beating me with, but I was feeling so naughty and wilful that at one point, when he held it out for a kiss after a dozen or so hard strokes, I actually bit it! That tawse may still have my teeth marks in it!
In the end he had to stop to avoid damaging me, and I was grimly satisfied that I hadn’t cried, “Uncle!” (Although since I literally couldn’t sit down for the rest of the night, one can barely say that I “won!”)
After that, I could finally be fucked! And, wonderfully, he took me in the ass! I honestly don’t remember if it hurt or not – I was pretty high on endorphins by that time. A cool thing was that he had me lie on my back, bum at the edge of the bed and legs bent back against me, and took me in the ass that way, which I think was the first time for that position. We had been looking at pictures from the hardcore schoolgirl shoot together, and it was not actually the pictures from the shoot, but the background image in the gallery that had really got us both going! I was so turned on that I’m sure I was making faces like the girl on that page! 
All of which is to say that it was a very intense scene! But what was of most interest to us both was that I could and did take a lot of pain whilst not feeling over-well. I told him after the scene that I had been feeling poorly before-hand, and we were both quite pleased that we may not have to put off scenes just because I have a headache or a tummy ache in the future. Since those are some of the main reasons we don’t get to play as often as we’d like, this is very good news!
And I think I am going to be punished a lot this year. And not because I plan to be particularly naughty, because that’s not something you plan, but because that last scene we did really inspired my Master. As we were driving to my parent’s house, after the long plane flight, my Master made my ears perk up by saying that he wanted in future to have a monthly “review,” wherein my bad girl self would report to him for any discipline that is needed. And you know that it will be – there’s no doubt of that!
But before the first review has even come up … well, I got myself into a bit of trouble….
I would say in my defence that I was horribly jet-lagged, my period has shown up a week early, and a friend did something to me that really threw me for a loop. And all that is understood by him. But we had discussed already him being stricter with me in this coming year, and for my bad behaviour to be punished regardless of most mitigating circumstances. This is because, when I am feeling all fine and reasonable, I never mess up. But when I am stressed or sick or hormone-y, then I regularly do, and I don’t like it. I think if I am held accountable, even for the times when some people would say I had an excuse, well then, maybe I could learn to control my moods and temperament even under those trying situations. And that would be worth any amount of paddling. Okay, well almost any amount – I hate that paddle!
Anyway, the “punishment book” now has its first entry – and it is three items long. I don’t do things by halves! That night I went to bed to read before sleep – permission granted. But I fell asleep reading, and thus didn’t ask for permission for that – and that is one of the few rules he has given me. He is very kind and generous, and wouldn’t have punished me for it, but since I then got into further trouble, that will not be overlooked, either.
The other trouble was just stupid. He did something that upset me, and instead of figuring out a good way of explaining how I felt, I just went all hysterical and cried and refused to be talked down. This was, of course, all at 4:30 in the morning, when we both should have been sleeping. We have talked, and he understands how I felt, and has forgiven me and it is all okay. And the reason it is okay because I have admitted (to myself and to him) that I did not act as I should, and I have accepted his discipline.
I wish it could have been gotten over that day! But I was feeling even worse than the night before, and so he put it off until he felt was the right time. So now I have to wait around for the “right time,” and as we all know, that’s the worst part! He’s probably all very happy that it couldn’t be done at the time, and that he gets to enjoy the wait, just as I am not enjoying it!
Mind you, my version of “not enjoying,” involves quite a bit of masturbation! I am very turned on by the idea of being punished for my “sins,” and in my fantasies I’m much worse to myself than he would be (and I’m glad he’s not so cruel!) – the great thing is that we have this relationship, and he wants to punish me, and I want to be punished, and it both turns us on, but we have figured out a way for it to be real and effective, and not just something where I act out to get attention. When I think of how well it all fits together and suits us just perfectly, I get a shiver up my spine … the chance of finding something like this in this life is not easy nor assured – how easily we could have passed by each other, and never found such a perfect compliment!
I don’t know what his punishment will be, in entirety. But he has the paddle set out on ledge of the headboard of the bed, a reminder it is coming, so I can assume the hated punishment paddle will take its place in the proceedings. The one thing I know will not is the cane. He has ascertained that the cane will not be used for punishment, because it’s too much a part of our romantic relationship, and its pains have come to be pleasures for me: the cane is a reward, despite how intense the pain.
Shortly we will also be having a uniform review. Or at least, he has told me we will, and I am to get out all the uniforms for his inspection. I understand that at least part of the procedure will be for him to reassess what all we have (which is enough to outfit a small girl’s school!), and for him to explain to me which items go together into what outfit, for the purpose of him emailing, texting, or calling me on his way home from work with the simple message of putting on an outfit and be waiting for him. Can I express how hot and exciting that idea is to me?!
So between stricter discipline in daily life, and the machinery for more disciplinary scenes being put in motion, I am pretty sure that 2009 is going to be a very hard year for my bottom! The good girl side of me is excited for the potential for growth and improvement as his slave, and as a person over-all … and the bad girl side of me smirks and says, “Bring it ON!”
Northern Spanking
I Feel Myself.com
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Zille, you sound so happy and positive and such a hot post.
I’m looking forward to reading your further adventures.
Something you wrote reminded me of an incident that occurred shortly after I joined the orphanage, I would have been about seven, I had done something which the ‘keeper’ thought was wrong, he wished to spank me, I wouldn’t let him, I nearly won.
Even at that early age the Dom must have been there.
Great post. loved it.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
Good stuff as always Zille. My girl and I have the same issue sometimes with me wanting to take care of her when she’s unwell
Interesting idea with the uniform review. I might well try instituting a similar system with a set of outfits with my girl – although I know from past experience with slave positions that often the problem can be getting *me* to remember these things!
Wow Zille, seems you guys have hit on a dynamic that makes it real while keeping it consensual — sort of. A real creative interpretation of the idea that “spanking is really a complicated psychological game” — which is the best explanation I’ve seen — there was a whole essay to go with it that I’m not sure I know where it is, but maybe you’ve read it too. Love how you get into the relationship dynamics of scenes like this in your play by play. Did you see I wrote some stuff about you over on Spanking Scouts forum under the thread “Female Spanko Actresses and models”?: http://chross.blogt.ch/forum/read.php?2,50,72#msg-72
I also highlighted your Danish airlines commercial and it’s proving real popular here: http://chross.blogt.ch/forum/read.php?3,75,75#msg-75
Thank you for sharing all of your tremendous ideas, Zille, as well as all the spicy stuff too *blushes and giggles*.
You’ve actually given me a thought… I, like you, have a bad girl inside who has lots of pent up frustrations and annoyances, because I am absolutely non-confrontational and non-verbal about anything negative with my hubby. But letting my bad girl side out on predetermined instances? Yeah, that might work wonders for both of us… I’ll think on it some more but this might be big for us, really, really BIG!!!!
From my inner brat to yours, all the hugs and cuddles,
Tiggs
Yay! When you guys write in really liking a post, that does make my day, you know!
Dear wonderful Paul — thank you for sharing that story! I know it’s probably not easy to write about your experiences from the orphanage, but I do find the stories fascinating!
Falconer — and you are kind, as always! My Master might forget slave positions, too. But he will likely never forget the details of a school outfit, as that’s a pretty serious fetish for him. But, if he does, I will either smugly inform him of his mistake, and earn two sets of 6 of the best for my sass (all in good fun), or I will do the good slave thing and endevour to remind him without of the rule he actually set without in anyway seeming like he forgot it!
Hey Karl! — yes, that was really important to us, because we were quite serious about living 24/7, and we have both seen so many kinky relationships crash and burn. I think it’s the fact that we base things more off actual historical British disciplinary techniques, and less on the Gor books
, or other BDSM fantasies, that we have the success we’ve had. And I love what you say, ‘A real creative interpretation of the idea that “spanking is really a complicated psychological game’ ” — it is, indeed, and it’s taken a lot of us figuring ourselves out on our own, and a lot of us talking and figuring us out as a couple, that keeps that game alive!
Tiggs! — Wow, that is exactly what I like to hear the best: that my ramblings actually help someone to figure out all this confusing stuff and have a better life, sex-and-spanking-wise! Many of us gals have that bad girl trapped inside us, but we’ve learned how to force the good girl socially-acceptable-exterior over her. Being able to let her out in controlled doses, for the enjoyment of all, is a really important thing for me, to keep me (relatively, at least!) sane and well-balanced! Please let me know how it goes for you!
Zille, I will indeed keep you posted, and I posted very briefly about your idea and my inspiration from it, in the post I just put up. I think you actually solved the integral question in my universe… which “side” of me is real and most important. The most honest, truthful answer is, of course, both sides!!!!
But I have a hubby who does not see this all from the same place or understanding as I do, and this way of doing things as you’ve suggested might help significantly to fix much of what has been wrong forever in our relationship and also within me!!!!
Ooooh! I want to give you so many big hugs and kisses for this, you’ve no idea!!!
Love,
Tiggs
Goodness, Tiggs, you’re making me get all teary-eyed from happiness!
Like you, I am not always a bouncy Tigger. I can get pretty Eeyore at times (and heh, a bit of Pooh and Piglet, too!)
I tried to deny that part of myself for a long time, and it caused me nothing but pain (esp. when it would burst out under pressure, generally at the wrong time!) I am so, so lucky that I’ve found a Master who realizes there are basically two girls living inside me, the service-oriented eager slave … and the raging brat who pretty much cares only about her own pleasure. To get to realize both of those sides of me in a safe way in this relationship has helped me to be a better partner than I have ever been to any of my exes. (Not to mention how much happier I am!)
My Master values both sides of me … because the good girl is much easier to live with and does things like clean the house, cook yummy dinners, and submit with grace and finds fulfillment in that. The brat, however, is terribly fun to be around (she does like a good time, she does!) and she has a gleam in her eye that my Master finds entirely arousing. And the more often I get to let the brat out, the easier it is to be the good girl the rest of the time!
I’m really, really moved by your response. Thank you so very much! I really wish you and your husband the best of luck in resolving these issues, and I hope it leads to much joy and spankings on your part!
Zille, I’m intrigued by your mention of “actual historical British disciplinary techniques”. Did you study these in a book somewhere, or whence does your knowledge come?
Hey Karl,
My knowledge comes first and best from my Master, who is British and was disciplined at school.
Secondly, I have read pretty much his entire collection of Janus magazines, and they focus very heavily on that topic! And of course, as much Victorian erotica as I can get my hands upon!
Thirdly, information websites like World Corporal Punishment Research.
Hey Zille,
I had no idea how much we are alike in personalities until these past few days!!!! Now I see even more why Paul finds you so completely appealing and adores you so very much! Reading your responses to me makes me feel like I’m reading much of my own writing, except for the Master part of it, of course.
But this all IS leading to something, though I won’t and can’t rush into it with my hubby. But it sure does give me hope and a great big smile!!!!!
Thanks just for being you, and for me finding you, which I owe to Paul!
Tiggs