Punished by the Swiss Guard
July 29th, 2010 | Author: Zille
Today’s fantasy comes from the article “Papal crackdown on bare-kneed tourists sparks hypocrisy claims” from The Register:
The Vatican’s stripey knickerbocker-clad Swiss Guards have launched a crack down on scantily-clad tourists in and around the Holy See.
Reports say that a long-standing modest dress decree has been extended from St Peter’s basicilica – the big church – to the whole of the Vatican mini-state.
The Pope’s halberd-waving steel-hatted private army has apparently been forcing quivering tourists into corners to berate them for having uncovered shoulders or knees. While some have been directed to nearby traders specialising in more modest apparel, others have been refused entry to Vatican City altogether, The Telegraph reports. [...]
The crackdown has angered some visitors, who said it was hypocritical for an organisation beset by child abuse allegations to suddenly get all hot and bothered about ladies’ shoulders and men’s hairy knees. Still, when it comes to driving Satan out of the Vatican you’ve got to start somewhere, so why not with spaghetti strap tops and Bermuda shorts?
It should be noted that the guards wear a 16th century outfit including a natty doublet and voluminous pantaloons, and while the pantaloons stop above the knee, the offending joints are covered by coordinated stockings. Their wardrobe also includes a knee-length doublet.
The pope himself generally wears a floor length cassock, which this week he has apparently been teaming with a baseball cap in pontifical white.
(The above lovely shot of the Vatican Guards is from Wikipedia.)
This of course has spawned some serious Swiss Guard fantasies for me — because how could you not want to be spanked by someone in that get-up?!
My fantasy runs like this … I get into Vatican City wearing a cardigan over my tube top, but it’s a hot day, and also, I like the idea of naughtily flashing a bit of skin where I shouldn’t.
So the cover-up gets stuffed in my bag, and I take in the sights showing off not only shoulder, but a few inches of stomach as well! (And, actually, since I actually usually wear low-riding trou, that could be quite a few inches of the middle of me uncovered!)
I’ve gotten my shots of famous statues and buildings, bought some postcards, and am ready to head back to the tour bus … when two Swiss Guards bear down on me, berating me in thickly accented English. There I am in a corner, away from the other tourists, trapped by the two overbearing guards….
Here’s where my fantasy breaks up a bit, because what shall they use on me?! Take off their leather belts? Use the scabbards of their swords? Or do Swiss Guards carry some esoteric, medieval tool of correction?! (And/or do they use their rough, sword-callused hands?)
Anyway, no matter what they use, we all know it ends with me walking stiffly to my tour bus, eyes red-rimmed, and sweater on and buttoned all the way up!
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That’s a nice storyline, although I haven’t got any idea about the fitting implements, either! Looking at the two guys in uniform, another thought strikes my mind. What about the discipline within the troop?
Turns out they do carry a variety of interesting items on their person: “Building on tradition, members wear a long sword (officers a rapier or straight sabre) and receive instruction in the ceremonial use of their halberd on a four-sided pole which is held on their right during marches, drill, and regular formations in their official duties around the Vatican. The halberd includes a loose metal ring just below the halberd blade, which makes a loud clink when an individual or formation comes to attention. Other weapons and regalia carried by higher ranking non-halberdiers include a command baton, a partisan, a flamberge (a wavy two-handed sword), and a breastplate with shoulder guards.”
The command baton has potential, I think!
I would imagine discipline is taken very seriously by the guards. After all, they’ve sworn to give their lives for the Pope! So I should think there is regular corporal punishment, to keep things in order, as is right!
So many wonderful implements – sounds like a difficult choice!
Hmm, do you think they will become open enough to the public one day to present their high standards of discipline to interested visitors? M/M spankings in beautiful uniforms – yummy… 
What’s in a name, Wether, it Swiss Cheese, Swiss Rolls, Swiss Ski Slopes, or Swiss Guards, in your fantasy you had a ‘spanking good time’, Zille. Right On