Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

I don’t even know where to start with this overwhelming weekend!

Yes, yes, I can hear you, “Begin at the beginning and when you get to the end … stop.” Okay, okay….

We left on Friday, and Shadow Lane was already in full swing when we got there. It seems people had arrived as early as Tuesday, and some were leaving Monday or later. It seemed smart when we had bought the plane tickets not to spend too much time there, when we were unsure of how much we’d enjoy it, but by the time September rolled around, we’d made enough friends in the spanking scene that it meant we didn’t get enough time to talk as much as we’d have liked with our new friends. Next time – longer trip, more partying!

Anyway, we got there Friday afternoon. I had been stupid the night before, and had not taken a sleeping pill, and I ended up with terrible insomnia, because I was as excited a kid going away to summer camp for the first time. (This is not as unlikely a comparison as one would think…!) But it did mean that I felt very tired when we got to the hotel, and really not ready to sudden go to a huge party with hundreds of strangers, a few friends whom I knew from online, and about three people I knew in person!

I’m not sure if you have figured this out about me, but “I only play extroverted on TV.” I’m really just a shy geek who’d rather stay in and discuss science fiction or spanking with her friends. (Or yes, have a small orgy, but it’s only ever been a small one, I tell you, and only with people I know and like!)

I had somehow managed to forget my shyness, myself. I think the last time I was this nervous was my first SkinTwo RubberBall, but even then I knew that I wouldn’t have to be conversing with that many people: we’d be in a crowded space that would be have too much thumpy-thumpy loud music to encourage much in the way of discussion.

But at this event, I’d actually have to talk to people! [gasp] And suddenly my powers of scintillating and effervescent conversation seemed to have fled altogether. And I was nervous about my outfits: it’s one thing to be a schoolgirl in a room full of other kinks. But I was about to be a schoolgirl in a room full of schoolgirls and headmasters….

I tormented friends with text after whiny text, “Help! What are you wearing?” “Which knickers should I wear?” “I don’t want to be the only one in uniform!” Finally the Minx and Young Bridget (both of them looking delicious in their uniforms!) to braid her hair in my room and try and get me to mellow out. (Showing wisdom and compassion far past her tender years, I might add!)

So, down we all went, and I felt a bit better for being in a group. Although I must say that walking through a Vegas casino in a group of uniformed schoolgirls was one of the more surreal moments in a life that I thought had already been stuffed full of very fantastic and bizarre experiences! (At the aforementioned RubberBall, getting into a cab as Queen Elisabeth I, with a Cardinal in leather – Mr. Defeu – and a gorgeous woman dressed like Jessica Rabbit – but in rubber – was one of those! At least the cabbie seemed amused!)

Things continued to improve on the way in, as I finally met Tony of Shadow Lane in the flesh, and chatted a bit with him. The food was odd, but edible (I ended up eating a large plate of tasty roast beef and fresh, very ripe, melon slices) and then I couldn’t poke at my food anymore, I had to actually start talking to all these strange new people. (Well, okay, no stranger than me, in general, just strange to me!)

Meeting the people I’d befriended online was very nice, although one does always have in mind that one has to try to be as witty and sociable in person as one is in blog comments and on Twitter, and honestly I think I write better than I speak.

But I bucked up and did my best. Mr. Defeu and the Minx and Headmaster Tony from Florida Moonshine ended up making a circuit of the ballroom, with the two of them introducing us round to their friends. I was just getting a bit of equanimity when suddenly it was suggested that it was time for a spanking. Next thing I know, Mr. Defeu had found a good place to sit, and had ordered me over his lap. I just looked at him in horror – I was so embarrassed, it was as if I’d never played in public before in my life! His tone grew stern, “Over my knee, girl,” and I went to bend over his lap. “Wrong side,” he told me, and I struggled gracelessly trying to get up from a half-executed manoeuvre, and orient myself in the other direction, feeling like a total fool.

I lived through it, obviously! But it taught me that I need to start looking at things differently when I go to spanking parties. There is a place in between just being a performer (and I’ve done a lot of performing at fetish night clubs, so I know this space all too well!) and a private scene between Mr. Defeu and me (which is where I’ve been, really, for most of the past three years!) There is a place where you are not performing, but where you are able to do some kinky fun stuff in public and have it be real, but not so profound that you can’t handle an audience. I have to learn abut that middle place!

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