(I *think* “Der Blaue Engel” is the right movie — the one where she strips from a gorilla costume to the tux in the least likely yet somehow amazingly hot strip-tease evar!)

Also, yes, sperm solves all a woman’s problems! See, it’s scientifically proven!
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2457-semen-acts-as-an-antidepressant.html

Thomas — the only response to you is “You rock.”

Well, that and I’m glad the AK bayonet attachment has gone to a loving home.

OK, *and also* I think you’re right on about the “complex jerk-off fantasy.” And that’s why it’s all the worse that it is being presented as a technical manual. Because how many otherwise healthy, happy perverts will it fuck up?! It *IS* a deeply erotic scenario … and when you are getting into the scene (any scene: spanko, BDSM, DD) those things are so seductive. But it can only end in tears — and *NOT* the good tears of a contentedly disciplined woman slobbering gratefully all over her her man’s “manly possession”!

I mean, are we perverts or not? My personal belief is that if “C” is getting THIS MUCH gratification from this act, and it is “non-sexual” for her, then she is either A)in denial about how sexual this is, or B)Getting problematic personal gratification from something that is not an appropriate place to learn interpersonal skills. My personal opinion is that most perverted acts are supposed to be sexual; they may also be gratifying on many other levels — Domestic Discipline can certainly lead to improved interpersonal behavior, self esteem, work habits, etc. But if she’s getting so hopped up that it SHOULD NOT be sexual, then what the fuck is it? As a partner, I don’t want someone else’s bad behavior to correct unless I’m getting something out of the deal, and quite frankly, if I pop a boner, receive a “formal thank you,” and shoot my load WITHOUT being sexually aroused…well, frankly, that sounds a bit like rape.

Which it’s not, nor is it non-sexual — unless these people are stark raving bonkers. Which is strictly my opinion — because, frankly, the biggest problem I have about all this is the essentialism of it. People do whatever the fuck works for them in an interpersonal fashion, and whatever the fuck turns them on, and hopefully they intersect occasionally. But C’s comments sound very much like they’re instructing people about how it should be done, and that it’s wrong to do it in a way that includes sex. That’s blatantly sex negative.

If it needs to be non sexual for C to feel good about it — that’s C’s business. But in dictating other peoples’ spanking behavior, she sounds like a fundamentalist.

That is to say, unless this is all a complex jerk-off fantasy. Personally, I find that the deepest erotic scenarios are generated both by essentialism and by the assertion that what is being done is not sex — “it’s for your own good.” But that’s eroticism, not reality–I’m also not a cop, gynecologist or pizza delivery boy.

Fun essay, Zille — thanks for it!

But seriously, didn’t you know that spunk contains hormones that make a woman feel at peace with her rightful place in life? That’s why lesbians are so crazy.

Graham — I honestly don’t know what the spanko scene did before you were around with your delicious wit and perfect bon mots.

I think the new term in the scene for fellatio should be “gettin’ formal.” C’est parfait!

Do you wanna be responsible for that shit? Didn’t think so. Now get on your knees and start gettin’ formal.