Here is how I explain it: A punishment fetishist is aroused by punishment — NOT the sensation of object against ass — but the process of being corrected for wrongdoing, of having their behavior shaped, of paying penance, and of being forgiven.

So if such a person is aroused by what you’re doing: GOOD. The idea that arousal automatically means, “they’ll misbehave so they can do it again” utterly misses the point. They are getting aroused BECAUSE of how powerful it is to be corrected, and painfully corrected, and persuaded to never misbehave again.

I daresay that the more aroused (ie, sopping wet) a discipline fetishist is during punishment, the LESS likely they are to commit that infraction again. For the most part, getting wet is unconscious and not inherently pleasurable anyway. I remember during one intense scene, I was ordered to strip so he could have his way with me, and I truly had no idea he’d be able to slip inside the way he did.

As for DD being superior to BDSM…well, I tend to say the Leatherfolk are superior to BDSM (they focus more on Dominance and submission or Master/slave relationships). More of them understand the relational issues of discipline, rather than just the smack-butt aspects of it, and I dislike DD’s sexism. I’ve also read DDers who are against BDSM because they are “just trying to get off.” Like there’s anything wrong with that!

But yes, I find that I’m quite out of sync with BDSMers. I’m not playing around with sensation. I’m being transformed, and transforming another.

Yes, precisely: circumstance and headspace (or “set and setting”) and then the consensuality of the severity. Well, I consent to all of it, actually, but he tries to make play-time fun for me, and he tries to make sure punishment isn’t (although, of course, it’s all fun for HIM, as it should be!)

“Peoples” is cute too! My list of options is quite good so far!

Sounds like it’s really ALL about headspace and relational circumstances.

And Poppy, nice to have you sharing the results of your research here.

As for what to call us, I once had a teacher from Russia whose command of English was a little twisted, and who used to address the class as “peoples”. I thought that was cute. I’m not sure how that would go over for you, Zille, whose languaging is otherwise so perfect and articulate.

M:e — LOL about the As someone who’s recently posted a ‘if you have to explain it there’s no point’ type of posting, I’ll happily leave it at that

Doubleknot — I have been know to start crying before the first whack of the paddle! Mostly I manage to hold out until after the first or second!

I always think about spanking/punishment/painful anal sex (that sort of thing) to get off, or it ain’t happening!

Thanks again!

Like you Zille, I am hugely turned on by spanking/punishment scenarios. In fact, I don’t achieve orgasm without either thinking about, or participating in the control/pain mix.

Now. My owner will use me in ways I hate just for his amusement. It happens frequently. And being as I am a slave, I endure because that is my service to him. I might hate it while it’s happening, but my headspace is more one of serving, getting through it to be pleasing. Afterwards, I get this huge high from having served well and endured, even if I hated it at the time.

That being said, punishment spankings/whippings/beatings are different. The headspace definitely is different. It of course helps if the Dom/Owner is serious while doing it. Mine is deadpan. He is ALL business and strikes fear in me before he even shows me the implement of correction.

I often am crying even before the first strike lands, so it’s a very mental thing for me, and not at ALL pleasurable.

I have disobeyed. I have upset the balance of our power structure. I have to be returned to my proper place. And there’s a debt that must now be paid; it’s owed to my Master. And he takes that debt out on me in the form of a mega-painful and usually humiliating session on bare parts of my body.

It sucks; I hate it; I don’t want to be there for one single second of it while it’s going on. Once it’s over, as M:e said, it’s done, the debt’s been paid, and it is forgotten. But there’s no getting around the fact that it has to happen when I screw up.

Headspace is everything. Nice post.

That, and his understanding of how different this ‘once its done its done’ approach is so different from the damaging way I was punished as a child, is exactly why we use CP as punishment within our D/s relationship.

As someone who’s recently posted a ‘if you have to explain it there’s no point’ type of posting, I’ll happily leave it at that

love and hugs xxx

I’m not just looking for situations where people are in D/s relationships. I want to hear from everyone who enjoys a fun spanking but who needs real corporal discipline as well, and who differentiate, as you and I do.

Actually, you’ve just proved my point better than anyone else could. You are not in either the DD world or the BDSM world, and you still have the duality of spanking for fun and spanking for reals. This is a valid thing, and does not exist just in the DD world, or the BDSM world, but the whole world!

I like “kittens”! We’ll see how the big studly men who comment on this blog feel about it, tho!

Thanks again, Poppy!