Back, with thoughts of spanking/kink around vanillas
April 6th, 2009 | Author: Zille
Sorry to have gone MIA this past weekend: I was at my “Kissing Cousin’s” wedding, and I left the computer at home, and even forgot my cell phone recharger, so I was truly unplugged for the first time in long while.
My KC is a perv, as is her wonderful new hubby, but it was a vanilla wedding due to the large amount of relatives and work-mates. However, my Master and I were part of a bunch of “perv friends” of the couple (Ted-n-Di, Tim and his “Northernwench,” Midori and Kelly, Natalya and TB, Cyppie and Kayte) and we got seated at the “children’s table” for the reception (i.e., they quite rightly kept us away from the ‘nilla grown-ups!) and we all got kicked out of the hotel bar after the reception (wandering away with our glasses of champagne in hand!) and took up residence in the hotel lounge (with fireplace) getting up to all sorts of shocking behaviours (and we have the pictures to prove it)!
A funny moment was when my Master lifted me up in his arms on the dance floor — I was squealing with delight — and then I felt a hand give a heavy thwack to my bottom — I leaned back to smile at whichever friend had done it, and found myself looking at a horrified Northernwench, who had totally forgotten (and had just suddenly painfully remembered!) that she wasn’t at some fetish event, where hauling off and slapping your mates bottoms was the order of the day! We assured her it was okay, and I really don’t think anyone noticed. Anyway, as the drinking continued, we all got rather rowdier, anyway. There was much fondling of people, and sitting on various people’s laps, and Tim got hauled out onto the dance floor by my Master and Ted, carried on his chair!
And, on the bus-ride home, the back of the bus was filled up with us pervs, and I really don’t think we were discussing things like the local dungeons and upcoming fetish/BDSM events all that quietly…. (Happily, most of the vanilla folk seemed A.) pretty drunk, and B.) a number of them were pretty loud even before the drinking began, so I think while we were all certainly noted and numbered as being “odd,” we didn’t actually shock or horrify anyone!)
While I was AFK for the weekend, the question of the Spanko Brunch over at My Bottom Smarts was:
Suppose you learned through an accidentally overheard telephone conversation that a coworker (someone with whom you cordially deal every day, but not a close friend) has a more than casual interest in adult spanking. No one else in the workplace knows and the person doesn’t know that you know.
Since I’d just been in a group of perverts (spankos, latex-lovers, kinksters of all stripes) within a larger group of vanilla wedding goers, this question really struck home, and reminded me of a very awkward moment in the last job I had. Although it was for a big publishing company, my mother was also working there and was pretty much my direct boss, and the whole office of my fellow workers were friendly with her, so it was not just a vanilla work situation, but a family one to boot!
One day I was in the office around the end of a Friday, and a co-worker said she would be watching Secretary
I do wonder if I’d just been working in a non-family situation, whether I would have admitted to seeing and liking the movie…? I like to live as “out” as possible about my life (as long as it doesn’t offend or upset those around me — I think it’s lovely to be able to be open, but at the same time people certainly have the right to NOT know about my sex life if they don’t want to!) but of course we have all heard stories about people loosing jobs and etc. because of their bosses/co-workers finding out about their home lives.
It can be hard, sometimes, even for me, to have a sexuality that is not part of the accepted “norm,” and to have to hide parts of my life.
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Yeah… I once made the mistake of commenting about going to Bound in DC to some co-workers. The conversation was fine and I kept it clean.. but the shunning after wards was subtle and yet not at the same time.
Fascinating vignette Zille. I can imagine it would be hard for you to say anything about Secretary without revealing a whole other side of your personality.
I once made the mistake of taking someone I knew to that movie. I think he was permanently weirded out to learn that I was NOT weirded out by it. I think it has colored our friendship ever since.
And once I tried talking to my brother about this stuff. His reply: “You mean, you’re a sadist”.
Um, sort of.
I didn’t feel we were finding much common ground. But maybe I just need to be a little more bold and forthright. I have the feeling this stuff is just under the surface of so many people’s awareness. Either that or they’re into it, and just not talking — like me. And like you.
BTW, I excerpted this post for the Scouts Forum: http://chross.blogt.ch/forum/read.php?2,1035,1969#msg-1969
Bill — I’m sorry that you had to deal with that shunning in the workplace! It’s so stupid — you’re a nice guy, with wife and cute kid, a smart guy and good employee … you’re pretty much the all-round-good-guy, and it shouldn’t matter if you like a bit of rope bondage or spanky-bot-bot! I hate that this happens, damnit!
Karl — Yes, there are a number of topics I either need to not discuss, or if I do, discuss with great integrity … and patience!
There are so many people who have a pair of handcuffs by their bed, or a silk scarf that never gets worn ’round the neck, that sort of thing. And yet they will be just as disparaging of an avowed kinkster as any repressed vanilla god-botherer!
But to demand that everyone talk about this stuff (when, I mean honestly, there’s only a few people who’s sex lives I’m actually interested in!) is not polite nor even right.
We need simply a quiet acceptance of people’s kinks, and a willingness to just move on and not worry about something if you just don’t “get it.”
Thanks for putting it over on the Forum — I’ll get right over there and join in the conversation!
Wha? That wasn’t me. Honestly, I was the conservative one.. for once…….
T
It’s a longer story than what I’ll add here, but I met my Dom at work. He was, at the time, a Jehovah’s Witness (!!!) but I sensed something about him, and was I ever right! When I saw Secretary, I blurted out that I had seen a movie that had made me think of him. He asked why, and realizing that I had probably said too much, replied that there was a character who raised orchids, which is one of S’s hobbies. He saw the movie, and …. yada yada yada (in the full Seinfeld sense of the phrase) … eventually things worked out!
And this is how I chose my display name, after the main character in Secretary.
On another note, Zille, do you have an email address? There’s something that I’d like to ask you.
Ted — I’m afraid I do actually have the pictures to prove it!
Lee — I had noticed your name, which meant I liked you right away!
I imagine your Dom being a JW meant that he was attracted to discipline and order (and masochism) so that all makes sense!
My email is zilledefeu at gmail dot com — thanks for reminding me, I’ve been meaning to put up a contact form here, but keep forgetting! I’ll go do that!
Well clearly those of us that work hard at our jobs helping other people and have an alternative sex life should be actively harassed.
I’m as open as they come and I’ve certainly had my fair share of damage for my efforts. I firmly believe that the world isn’t safe for someone like me to come out until someone like me comes out and so that is what I do. But I wouldn’t go back and hide if it salvaged a few relationships here and there because they wouldn’t have lasted anyway.
i am a fairly open and honest person when it comes to myself and my relationship with Master.
That said, i am also careful on how i will explain the dynamic. As far as the kinky stuff goes, i have some close friends that know i am kinky. They don’t know the full extent of how kinky or how the full extent of the Master/slave dynamic. i don’t feel what He and i do in the privacy of our homes is anyone elses business. When someone does ask me why i will defer to Him or ask Him first if i will answer the same way i would in answering my children’s questions about sex. Not meaning that i would treat the person as a child only that i would give them the information that i feel they could understand and accept. Such as, we have an old fashioned sort of relationship. Or i prefer to check with Him first in case He has made plans that sort of thing.
i am of the opinion that no matter what a person’s sexual orientation or pleasure is, as long as it is between consenting adults, it is no one’s business but those directly involved. And that no matter what a person does in their private lives, they should not be discriminated against for it.
my apologies for my grammar and spelling, it has been a long day
jewel`
Maggie, O Delicious One — I know that the damage is stingin’ somethin’ fierce right now. Keep on with the good fight — we need people like you, so badly! (And I need you, too, in a more personal way, but more about that at another time!)
jewel`, my friend — I think you have it just right. Give people info as they can handle it. Forcing stuff in people’s faces never makes them feel happy about anything. They just can’t force their stuff in our faces, either!!!