Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

This Sunday, Bonnie over at My Bottom Smarts asked:

Our topic this week is based upon a question I have received from (often anonymous) e-mailers several times in various forms over the years. The basic theme is that the sender has a difficult time believing that any intelligent, capable adult woman would allow herself to be subjected to repeated spankings. The implication is that I must either have mental health issues or be a battered wife. Of course, neither is true. If they seem earnest, I write back and try to explain this, but I doubt I change anyone’s mind.
Why is it so difficult for many vanillas to accept that there are successful, sane, happy people who find consensual adult spankings to be beneficial?
I look forward to a day when spanking is considered like, say, fellatio. Not all lovers practice this technique, but it’s common enough that few people think much one way or the other about those who partake.

I was just talking the other day with a friend about how “vanillas” are often so ready to accept a bit of spanky-bot-bot as normal foreplay, how so many of them have a pair of handcuffs or a silk scarf in the bedside drawer, and it is so easy for them to accept that as a bit of harmless fun. Kind of in the way a completely straight girl could be perfectly comfortable in a room full of naked gals, in a way that a bi or lesbian woman is no longer able to be entirely comfortable, but has to avert her eyes or she feels like she’s ogling.

(So I think that the comparison of spanking with fellatio is actually more reasonable than you may think – it’s just that you are getting emails from the sorts of people who might think fellatio is also sick and not part of a healthy sex life!)

So one does wonder if all of those people who refuse to believe that “any intelligent, capable adult woman would allow herself to be subjected to repeated spankings” are closeted spankos (or other kinky type) who cannot accept in others what they refuse to allow in themselves.

Another point, however, is that vanillas tend to understand a bit of spanking as a part of sex. But if you are completely satisfied and fulfilled by spanking, that strikes them as weird. (There’s your “mental health issues”!) And if you are using spanking for behaviour modification, well, that’s just sick and wrong, obviously. (And there’s the “battered wife”!)

If you are going to be able to explain it to vanillas at all, I’ve found the best thing is to compare it to a “runner’s high.” Runners and other exercisers will go through all sorts of pain (The first day back at the gym can be more painful than the average spanking!) for a variety of “understandable” reasons, like the release of adrenalin and endorphins which make you feel so good after the pain/exertion is over. Or the “results,” which are physical for gym-goers and more emotional for spankees. But even a good workout can leave you feeling centred and calmed, the way a spanking does.

But the people who are repressed you can never get to accept “beneficial consensual adult spankings.” And most unrepressed vanillas will never “get it” outside of a sexual context.

(Not that spankings don’t have their place in said sexual context! Never let it be said that I am against mixing spanking and sex!) [grins]

One Response to “Spanko Brunch: Why can’t vanillas accept spanking?”