Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘Anti-spanking’

Amazon.com is the last place I would have expected to find a far-ranging and at times very intelligent discussion of spanking — not the consensual adult kind, but the actual raising-your-child kind, upon which us pervy adults base most of our role-play.

The discussion starts out basically as an advertisement for the No-Spank unilateralists. But then, some reasonable people weigh in:

Anonymous says: Michael, I spanked my kids and they lived to tell the tale! They were always warned first and if the behavior didn’t change they got 3 swats on that padded spot! I was spanked growing up and it was always deserved! It does, IMO, have a place in raising a kid at times. That being said I had one kid that I could always talk and explain things to, from a young age. He got spanked when it was deserved though. The next one was the type you had to smack him to get his attention and then spank him for his misdeed. Both have grown up to be fine, productive men.

Ricky B. says: Unfortunately Anonymous, you are now a child abuser according to Michael. This is where its funny, its either his way or you’re an abuser. Michael you talk so much of other people being open minded yet it seems you have a closed mind yourself. I agree spanking is not a be all end all punishment. But at times it does have a place.

ALL kids try to push boundaries and see what they can get away with. And at times a simple “talking to” or grounding, or even scolding isnt enough to deter that behavior. And while some children can respond and listen well, there are some that can’t. I talked beforre about my uncle, they don’t believe in spanking their children. Their daughter has grown up so far to be a mature, and responsible person. She listens to them, doesn’t act up and has respect for other people. Their son however, decided at an early age that he didn’t have to listen to mom and dad. They’ve disciplined him multiple times, but he knows there is no follow through if he just ignores the discipline. He gets grounded, he’ll just leave anyways. I’ll say it, the kid is a little brat, he treats his parents and most of the other family with no respect. IMO in that sort of instance where other discipline isn’t working, then yes, a swat on the butt to show the kid that there ARE going to be consequences is a helpful form of punishment.

Though I know I’m wasting my time even trying to tell you, you’ll just go on your “its all abuse and pain makes children serial killers”. Let me guess, you’re one of those people who support the “everyone gets a medal” sports they’re doing at schools now too? We don’t want any of our children actually believing they have to work hard to do something or that there *gasp* are actually people that are better at things than other people in the world.

One has to wonder if being spanked as a kid can help people to learn how to be reasonable and see the world from more than one point of view!

Seriously, where I weigh in on this is that A.) I don’t think that I received enough helpful discipline growing up — and I certainly got too much of the “Oh, you are the next Picasso!” when I managed to complete a finger-painting, or “You are a genius!” when I managed to come to a reasonable conclusion in a paper. (Mostly from my parents, this must be said. My school was actually pretty good at being encouraging without going overboard. I do shudder to admit this, because when I complained about the school, my mom did tell me that I was getting a good education, and that I would appreciate it someday! [sighs])

Being told I was a genius, when an IQ test would have told another story, didn’t help me in life. The day I suddenly realized that I was not a genius was very painful, and I really could have skipped the pain of having that (entirely unnecessary) bubble burst!

Having been taught some self-discipline (by means of external discipline) would have come in very handy! I can tell you for certain that having to try and learn it on your own, as an adult, is no fun at all, and it makes me feel like an emotional and intellectual cripple, at times. One minor example: my mom keeps a Better-Homes-And-Gardens-ready house at all times. She balances her check-book every month. She told me that I should do these things, but she never gave me real incentive (like, “if you don’t keep your room clean, X, Y, or Z will happen”) and so in the end, I didn’t get in the habit of doing those things, and now I struggle to get in that habit, and better organize my life — and it’s a bit odd to me that she valued neatness and organization so much, but couldn’t be bothered to properly instil those values in me.

As a teenager, I could (and did!) say, “Fuck off!” to her. She didn’t like it … but a later half-hearted apology could get me out of all trouble. Even at the time, I was amazed she let me get away with it — but there was no way I wasn’t going to take advantage of it! In the years since leaving the nest, I’ve had real trouble, when fighting with a partner, not to say hurtful and thoughtless things. I’ve been working on it for years, and I think my Master would say I’m not too bad now (he was willing to marry me, after all!) but the fact of the matter is that if I had had to learn to moderate my speech for fear of consequences in my youth, I’d it would have been easier to moderate my speech (for fear of the consequences of hurting my partner’s feelings, or even just not wanting to shoot off my mouth and sound like an ass) in my adult years.

So, yes, I’m for spanking or some other form of reasonable discipline for children. I’ve seen kids go off into fits where only “a short sharp shock” would end the selfish hysterics. (One girl I know of got shoved in a cold shower — fully dressed — to put an end to her screeching fit. It seems entirely reasonable.)

I don’t know why everyone who is into spanking as an adult has gotten their interest in it. But I know where mine came from: I want to feel loved, and knowing someone is willing to discipline me is proof of love in my head. And I have felt this way, actually, since I was a very young kid. I spent my whole childhood longing to be properly disciplined. Sure, at the time I’d never have admitted it! I would have pouted and sulked and complained, as any child does who can’t get their way for whatever reason. But under that, I would have cherished knowing that some cared about me in that way — someone would pay that much attention to me. And indeed, much of childhood bad behaviour is “acting out” — trying to get attention. Who knows how much less need kids would have to “act out,” if they knew someone was paying attention, and their efforts would get immediate results (if not perhaps entirely the most desired results!)

Anyway, it’s a moot point — I won’t be having children (for health reasons), and so I can’t try out my personal social experiments on them (which, before you get all upset, is, when you think about it, what every parent does!) However, for me personally, I am lucky — I’ve found someone who is able to love me that way (and wanted someone he could love that way!) and so I am able to get some of the discipline I didn’t get before. And, one hopes, because I can actually “sign up” for the course (and my brains are as developed as they are going to get), it should be more efficacious, faster, than actually going through childhood all over again!