Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘bondage’

Just found this in the archives, after a fortuitous bumping into Mistress Tatiana at Wicked Grounds the other day. I really want to work with her (i.e play with her!) again soon…! Originally posted on 7th Mar 2008.

This was a tremendously fun shoot I did some years ago with Craig Morey and my dear friend Mistress Tatiana. I’d gotten this huge box that I could fit into, and it came with pink peanuts! What’s a girl to do but want to climb in?!
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At least, I think that is Bettie — what do you think?

I just love this clip, and hope it survives on YouTube (just in case it doesn’t – Chross, do you have this?). There is, technically, no reason it shouldn’t be on YouTube, as everyone stays dressed, and there is even a moral lesson!

My exciting lesson for the day is that I find white knickers with black garters underneath very exciting! Who knows why — I’m normally the kind of girl who matches her lingerie not only bra-to-panty, but to all the rest of the outfit as well — but that look totally just pushed all my buttons — well, stroked them, really!

Hey, Maggie Mayhem, what say you that we remake this video, as authentically as possible? That could be our next project together…!

While I was angsting for five days over the writing of my last post, Kami Robertson quietly posted this little number, which at least compliments mine, but I personally think it simply leaves mine in the dust….

As I said earlier there are different names for our ‘game’.

There is a sexual abuse which happens in prison and other reformatory establishments where a guard abuses his power. It’s much more of a coercion really, because the girls knows she needs to comply if she want to avoid other, unpleasant and painful punishment.

There is the punishment fucking which seems for some weird reason to be extremely powerful for me. It hurts but there is no unnecessary violence, and the girl often cries. I don’t really know the reason for tears either. It might have something to do with humiliation or just a sign of resignation. I’m not sure yet.

And there is a proper rape scene, which in my opinion happens only when the girl has been kidnapped or attacked. It’s violent, brutal and hurt. Never had a pleasure to try that. Still on my list, along with a long scene full of misery, fear and abuse.

I admire Kami so much that she writes these things with such equinamity. The line, “And there is a proper rape scene,” just delights me with the ease with which it’s said, how it flows. I would stumble over it, thinking, “Do I dare use the word, “rape,” here, can I use it in conjunction with “violent, brutal, attacked” or would that be too offensive for people? This is my own journal, but on this topic I find myself self-censoring, making things sound more p.c. or at least (what I assume is) slightly more palatable by people who don’t have fantasies like mine.

Anyway, my own cowardice makes me really appreciate Kami, even more than I would from just finding a girl who’s sexuality overlaps my own so much.

In my case, I am lucky enough to be able to come from conventional sex. But, maybe “lucky” is the wrong word, because it let me get distracted by normal vanilla sex for years, and deny my desires for spanking and worse. I thought I was just sexually voracious (and was not displeased by that!) but the fact was that I couldn’t “get enough” because I wasn’t being fully satisfied — I had itches which were not getting scratched, and as much as I tried to ignore the itch, it just never went away. (And there we go: kink as stubborn rash. What sexy metaphors I’m going in for today!)

Anyway, despite being able to orgasm conventionally, it doesn’t really matter because when I play fantasies on the movie projector in my head, they are things that I’d wince and feel deeply uncomfortable trying to watch on TV or the big screen. As I’ve said before, I’m really mean to myself in my fantasies. A recent one was being beaten to the point of passing out (something which I have a certain fascination with, due to Victorian erotica) and then my unconscious body being used — and not in a sweet, romantic love-making kind of way! (The wry thought that this fantasy really is only of any use in my head does occur to me in the background of all this, that if I did this in real life, I’d be passed out and not able to properly appreciate being used and abused!)

Ah well — the main point of this post is to introduce you to Kami, if you’re not already reading her, and to thank her for her openness and sharing of difficult truths. I think even more than me, she deserves the wonderful compliment Mo gave me on my last post: “I offer you a fierce cry of solidarity for your making yourself so flagrantly effulgently vulnerable in your strength and your utter soulnakedness.”

I just came across these shots from a few years ago (when I still had the long black hair. Have I mentioned I’m growing out my current bob?) and I knew there’d be a number of you lot who’d enjoy these images, so I thought I’d share them!

They are by Lee (formerly Bridgett) Harrington — both an talented photographer and rigger (a one man band!) We did a lot of fun stuff together, and I’d love to work with Lee again someday!

Enjoy!

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Here’s the second half of the video interview I did with Miss Maggie Mayhem about her bondage show for the Hell’s Angels!

If you just can’t get enough Maggie (and who can?!), she has an article about the experience (with some fascinating insights) over at Carnal Nation (note my Master’s and my pictures of her illustrating it, she says proudly!)