Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘books’

Originally posted on 30th Nov 2005.

Dearest Mr Defeu,

I may be too sick to write coherently, but I miss you, and the books you loaned me have put so many thoughts into my head, that I am going to try anyway.

It scares me to say this – the results are somewhat to be feared: but, I must say: I can take more. Oh, this is in no way a criticism, Sir, and how could it be, with you giving me the best “sex” of my life! Perhaps this is more a promise, a pledge: I can take more pain and I want/need to take more pain for you.

The other night, when you were playing with me and I asked you, “But what if I want to be punished?” and you asked me, “Do you want to be punished?” and I (having given it the due consideration of all of a second) said, “Yes,” – and then you tawsed my hands – I think the hardest you have ever done. By the time the last stroke came around, I didn’t know if I could put out my hand for it, and you grabbed my hand and pulled it out and hit it….

Image of Adele Haze from Northern Spanking Institute

Oh, that was so good! I loved being taken there, to that place where the pain was so much that I couldn’t manage to get that hand out for the last stroke – oh, it was a new and amazing place you took me to. You wondered why I was crying afterwards – that was it.

And I want to go there again. In A Degree of Discipline, there is a scene where Lucy is bound down with straps to a chest, and there tawsed:

Lucy howled and pleaded, wriggling and writing in a vain attempt to reduce the sting as Miss Parkin worked to a steady rhythm working down the slopes of her bottom, first one cheek and then the other, but to no avail.

I’m afraid that I will also howl and wriggle – I can’t really help it, although I do try my hardest and I hope that I will learn how to take a beating more silently over time. Recently I’ve found that even though the pain becomes enough for me to start making noise, noise I really can’t help because it does hurt so very much, but I know through the pain (and under the noise) that I can take more. So, I beg you, Sir, please give me more. I know there will be times when my pain tolerance is at a low ebb, say, late at night (or early in the morning, knowing the hours we keep) but, in general, I think my ability to take pain from you is getting more and more and more.

And, oh, how I want to! I want to please you, to satisfy you. Every time you hit me “not-quite-so-hard,” or you stop with (god-forbid) less than six … I feel like I’ve let you down terribly. I feel upset with myself, and afraid you’ll decide I’m not worthy of being your girl. Even if I “can’t” take the pain – well, not taking for you it seems worse to me than somehow managing to get through it!

And, while I love obeying you so very much (and here my bratty side jumps in to add that “it doesn’t suck”) I would also like to be taken to the place where I, under the duress of pain, beg you to stop – and you do not. Oh, it scares me to write that! I backpedal in my mind – think, “Oh maybe then he can at least tell me how many more I have left, to help me take it!” But really, I am learning that the pains of the cane, the tawse, the riding whip, etc., do not kill me nor even injure me (at least while in your hands, which I trust completely) and that knowledge gives me the courage to ask for “more” – because not only do I now know that I need it for myself, but I want – oh, do you have any idea how much I want?! – to give it to you!

I can write you stories, and give you gifts, and clean your apartment from top to bottom – but those do nothing to mitigate the deep debts I feel to you. You have brought me so much joy, made me feel so alive – indeed, given me a new and wondrous life as your girl, your slave. There seems no possible way to pay you back – but with my body, my pain, my tears – all my very self, given to you freely and lovingly.

And also it is a gift I long to give you. Not just as a debt of honor, but from the sheer pleasure of pleasing you.

Oh – I cannot go on. There is more to write – at the very least a decent closing. But I am tired and a bit dizzy and I will go lie down and wait for your call, dearest Sir…

Are you going to Shadow Lane’s 30th anniversary party? Because I am! It’s just three weeks now, and I am so excited about it! I was a bit nervous for last year’s party, but this year I know so many more people so this time around all I feel is bouncily anticipatory.

Have you done your shopping? I’m pretty much done with mine, but that’s just ’cause I’m so eager. You still have time to get some shopping done online and have it shipped to you in good time. (You could even actually go to the shops, I s’pose, but that’s soooo last century! [grin] )

The fun part is the kind of shopping you get to do for Shadow Lane. For instance, you might be needing to get some unique toys to impress potential spankees (or have potential spankers use on you!)

Victorian Wooden Hairbrush	Jemico Two-Sided Razor Strop Paddle	Bloodline Wooden Paddle – 14″
Slapper Crop	Singapore Stinger Cane

A bit of bondage, perhaps? Possibly some rumpy-pumpy?

Natural Hemp Rope – Assorted Sizes And don’t forget your EMT Safety Shears just in case you need to get your bondage bunny out quick!

Liquid Silicone Lubricant This is a great lube which is long-lasting and safe for sensitive skin.

Need to brush up on your technique? Or, would you like to bring a copy of the book my story is published in for me to sign for you?

The Compleat Spanker

Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories

What kind of schoolgirl do you like? Traditional … or slutty?

Traditional Pleated Plaid Skirt (Wide selection of colours & sizes)

Pleated Plaid MICRO MINI skirt (In Choice of Colors)

Don’t forget that this year’s theme is the 1960′s Drama “Mad Men” so you might want to get something that fits the theme (1950-1960s Clothing) for the big party Saturday night!

Finally, looking to get kinkier? Why not try a “Wartenberg wheel,” which fascinates submissives and masochists, but can be adjusted by simple pressure to be either teasing or intense. And it fits in your pocket! Great conversation starter! Or is your playmate making too much noise in your hotel room? My favourite kind of gag (and the most effective I’ve found at actual noise reduction) is the “cock gag,” which might sound a bit off-putting, but actually means that it has a gag which is a good size and shape for the mouth (ahem) and which has a strip of leather in the front which is discrete and good sound-proofing!

Wartenberg Wheel

Latex Gag, Leather Straps

Hope to see you there!

I had a picture of me from a reading I did at Good Vibrations promoting Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories, but I didn’t really have any reason to post it (it being rather in the past by this point in time), so it was just sitting around on my computer, and I kept thinking, “I need a reason to post this!” every time I ran across them.

Well, Ms Cassandra has just given me not only a good reason, but a lovely compliment as well. I quote from her blog:

I walked over to the Barnes & Noble to look up two particular erotic short story anthologies. I didn’t find those anthologies, but saw Rachel Kramer Bussell’s spanking collection, Bottoms Up.

I know a woman whose story was published in that anthology. I THOUGHT I’d read it; it turns out that I hadn’t. Her name is Zille Defeu, she’s a blogger and she was the organizer of the recent San Francisco Corporal Punishment party. At the Barnes & Noble I flipped to her story. Big mistake — it was terrific. I’m thinking, shit, there’s no way I’d ever get published again if THIS is my competition.

What a lovely compliment from Sandy — it was very kind of her to post that!

And now that I’ve used my excuse for this post, I can finally put up the picture of me from the reading!

Don’t I look all calm and collected and stuff? I was terrified! I can do public speaking, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it! Rachel has video footage of at least some of it, I think, and I probably sound reasonably sanguine about the whole thing … but inside I was quaking in my boots. But I’ve sternly told myself that if I am going to work at being a published author, I’m going to have to do readings — it’s part of the job description! And the only way to get less nervous about the whole thing is for it to become something I’ve done so much it’s a walk in the park — boring, even! (It’s rather hard to be nervous and bored at the same time, I find!)

I have to run and fold laundry now, but I’ve got so much to catch you all up with (tons of pictures!) and now that the party is over and my life is less in-complete-chaos, I want to get back to proper blogging!

(This picture is not really related, it just looked like something that belongs in a kinky spy novel…)
From: Sexandsubmission.com

I was just reading The Eiger Sanction by Trevanian, and a number of spanking quotes popped up. I had always sort of passively avoided thrillers and mystery novels, but I’m sharing bookcases with a man who delights in them, and I can’t help reading anything that lies still long enough. My rewards have been the amount of times spanking is alluded to in these popular fiction books. Which does make me wonder what the masses of “normal” people who read these books get up to in the privacy of their own bedrooms….

This book for instance, sold well over a million copies, and a Clint Eastwood movie. (Sadly, I don’t think the spanking made its way into the film — a pity, since we have so much footage of John Wayne spanking girls, it would be brilliant to have ol’ Clint bringing his leathered hand down on some soft round bottom….)

But let’s get to the spankings that the characters in this novel so desperately need.

“Oh no,” he croaked, what the hell are you doing, Cherry?”

“Good morning, Jonathan,” she said cheerily, “Did that tickle?”

Cherry, dressed in only her tennis shorts, slipped under the sheet with him, her lips touching his ear. “Nibble, nibble, nibble,” she said, and did.

“Go away,” he muffled into his pillow. If you don’t leave me alone, I’ll…” He could think of no appropriate punishment, so he groaned.

“What will you do?” she asked brightly. “Rape me? You know, I’ve been thinking about rape a lot lately. It’s not a good thing because it doesn’t give the couple a chance to communicate on an interhuman level. But it has one advantage over masturbation. It isn’t so lonely. You know what I mean? Well, if you’re bent on raping me, I guess I’ll have to take it like a woman.” And she spun over and threw her legs and arms out, like St. Andrews crucified.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Cherry! I ought to spank your ass.”

She was instantly up on one elbow, speaking with serious concern. “I never suspected you were a sadist, Jonathan. But I guess it’s the duty of the woman in love to satisfy the sexual peculiarities of her man.”

“You’re not a woman in love. You’re a woman in heat.”

So, clearly, Cherry (who happens to be a virgin, haha) needs a spanking. But she’s not the only one!

“You have not said twenty words all night Do we disinterest you so much?”

“Not at all. I simply haven’t had anything pertinent or amusing to say.”

“And that prevented you from speaking?” Karl laughed heartily, how un-American!”

Jonathan smiled at him, thinking how terribly in need of a spanking he was. A trait of the Germans — a nation in need of a spanking.

Excellent, some male-on-male action! And this is popular literature? Who knew I was missing so much perversion?!

The book is really quite well written (the author has been compared to ) and full of amusing little jokes, like characters named “Miss Randy Nickers” and “Miss Anna Bidet.” An amusing snippet of discussion: “Let’s call off the climb. We’ll tell ‘em you’re sick or something. Trouble with hemorrhoids, maybe.” “My Achillles anus? No way, Ben. Forget it.”

I’ve been working my way through the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and when I got to the second one in the series, The Curse of the Pharaohs I found some amusing spanking-related quotes. Now, this is a series set in Victorian England, so the author would actually have had to put some work into NOT mentioning CP, but still, all us spankos take what we can get when we read non-kinky books!

First, dialogue between a husband and wife:

After a moment of thoughtful silence he shook himself and said, in his usual careless tone, “So take care with Mr. Vandergelt, Amelia. He was not exaggerating when he called himself an admirer of the fair sex, and if I learn that you have yielded to his advances I will beat you.”
“I will take care that you don’t catch me, never fear.”

Then, reading a letter from their son (all typos sic):

Nurse is very cruel and will not give me any sweets. Aunt Evelyn would, but she is afraid of Nurse. So I have not been to a sweetshop since you left and I think you are very cruel and vishus to leave me. Uncle Walter spanked me yesterday only because I tore some pages out of his dikshunary. I needed to use them. He spanks very hard. I will not tear any more pages out of his dikshunary.

The couple, upon finishing the letter, decide that their son “needs discipline.”

There have been a few more hints and mentions of spanking – I am now on the fifth book, and am looking forward to more popping up in continuing books in the series, which is otherwise a fun mystery series about a pair of Victorian “Egyptologists” who run around digging up mummies and catching bad guys of all stripes. From what little I know of the topic, the Egyptian details seem quite accurate and reliable, and the views of Victorian England are detailed and loving.

(Thanks to Pandora for the lovely Victorian domestic birching picture!)