Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘english vice’

That question and more will be answered on Pain Olympics (sorry I can’t embed it!) Which I add to my list of proofs that Brits are all raging perverts — look what they do for fun!

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Well, I’ve been working on an entry for this blog since the 6th, and it just keeps growing and taking longer and longer to finish. So today I decided, what the hell, just get the blasted thing up here, and then you’ll have incentive to finish it because your readers will nag you until you do!

What this blog entry begins is our real start to playing with other people. I won’t count our beloved Miss Maggie Mayhem, not because she isn’t a real person, but because she made it so easy for us (thank you, dear Maggie, for spoiling us so!) that we didn’t really have to think about, and she brought none of the issues and concerns that poly (by this I mean a very wide definition of opening one’s relationship to include pretty much anything not included in standard definition monogamy, like spanking another person even though there is no sex) must bring up in any relationship (because if you don’t discuss these issues, they will make sure they end up a topic of conversation, albeit of the “break-up fight” kind!).

Events have moved so fast in the past several weeks that even a weekend (say, last weekend!) can drastically alter both the experiences I need to write about, and my thoughts that come up during the writing, so everything is going to be a little jumbled about for a while, while I start to process and get used to the wonderful new people and new joy in my life, in our lives.

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I’m sitting in a local café, right now, drinking my favourite drink (a chocolate-banana smoothie). Why am I here? Because my Master is at home, disciplining a young lady (Mystery Minx, whom, I may add, has more than earned the stripes that are certainly lining her botty already!)

This is the first time since we got together, that he has played with someone with me not there. For those who’ve been following along, Miss Maggie Mayhem was the first person we played with together (although not half enough!) and who gave us the safe space to successfully open up our relationship. (I cannot ever thank that darling girl enough – she has shared such great experiences with us, and made something that could be so fraught with pain and accidental hurt – that is, going from monogamous to polyamorous – into something so easy and joyous.)

Finally, now, I get a moment to write about our next step, which happened a few weekends ago. A certain Mr HH came to visit. Now, certain young ladies across the globe read that line with understanding (and perhaps wince and a phantom ache in their posteriors!)

HH had contacted me on FetLife, and we had become friends pretty much in our first communications. When my Master and I were last in the UK, we were supposed to visit him, but that horrible car accident happened, and destroyed a lot of plans about which we’d been very excited. HH was wonderful during that time, very supportive and helpful. As was everyone we know in the Brit spanko scene – you’ll never meet a better bunch of people, I tell you!

Finally, HH was heading out to our part of the world, and we planned a weekend of “get to know each other, and see what comes of things.” It happened to be the weekend of the San Francisco Fetish Ball, so we invited him out to that with us.

You’d think that the naughtiness (because it occurred, of course!) might have happened at the fetish ball – seems logical, non? But actually, we didn’t even make it that long! Friday night, we picked HH up, and he and my Master got on like a house on fire. They discovered that they both collect classic CP magazines, and the rest of the evening was a discussion about: “Do you have the original printing of Blushes Uniform Girls, Issue 29?” “Why yes! Do you have that impossible-to-find Janus Number 3?” It was like being in a room with stamp collectors or model train hobbyists, only the conversation included bits like: “Ah, yes, that’s the shoot where the girls wear the white punishment shorts with the string between their legs, and have water poured on them before they are caned!” I was in geek heaven, and I just sat there and listened to them with a big old grin on my face, wanting them to never stop conversing!

Having bonded in such a manner, I should not have been surprised the next morning, after brunch, when my Master suggested that I should go put on a school uniform. But I was: suddenly this moment was upon me, and I felt flustered and nervous – and excited!
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There are questions going around the spanko community (both online and off) about the identity of “Fiona Locke,” author of Over the Knee
and On the Bare.

I’ve read Over the Knee, and just adored it. And in the afterword, we read: “Apparently I’m the first Nexus author to pose for the cover of her own book.” And there she is, bright red bottom upturned over the knee — truth in advertising, for once!

But we don’t get to see Ms. Locke’s face….

I think it’s quite obvious from the writing that this author does actually have experience with the wide word of CP (unlike some authors of spanking erotica, but we won’t get into that here!) Also, even aside from the cover picture, we can tell the author is young: “Angie” is web-savvy (indeed, in the course of the story she takes part in a spanking website), goes out clubbing, and there’s a scene involving one of the characters stripping to ZZ Top in a North Carolinian strip-joint.

Of course, this doesn’t actually mean the author is a “she,” at all. In fact, it’s been bandied about that Fiona/Angie is actually Abel from The Spanking Writers (Although Abel denies it, he doesn’t say it’s not his wife Haron….)

So, what do we know…?

• We have the names “Fiona Locke” and “Angie“, each with their own website. (With the latter website referencing the former, so “Angie” is not afraid of being “outed” as Fiona — but Fiona doesn’t seem to want to link to Angie.)
• In the back of the book, Lucy McLean from Northern Spanking is thanked. Does Lucy know Fiona/Angie? Has she seen her face?
  On the English Vice website, Angie thanks “my friend Mija” — does Mija know who she is? If Lucy and Mija know her, has she been going to spanking parties all this time incognito?!
• Also on the English Vice website, we can see a bit of Angie’s face…
• EmmaJane claims not to be Fiona/Angie.

If you have any information to share regarding this please post a comment, or if you’ve written about it on your own blog please post a link here. I want to gather as much evidence as possible in one place!

I think it’s time that this mystery is resolved! “Fiona Locke” — come out, come out, where ever you are!

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Well,
to continue with the caning … I was still quaking in my spandex after the last series of Six-O-The-Bests, but the final twelve were yet to come. This was back to the Senior cane, which would have seemed like a walk in the park after the last cane (the bamboo root one!), but there was not much real estate left on my bottom that wasn’t hot and weal-ed. So the cane strokes either came down on the already well-battered skin on my bottom, or on my thighs, which were not very marked, but which always hurt so much more!

By the end of that I was squealing and blindly trying to swim away through the air. It always amazes me that his fingers resting ever-so-lightly on my back keep me firmly in place no matter what the level of pain.

Then – my reward! Yes, if you’re thinking, “Alright, this is Zille, so she means ‘anal sex’,” you’d be right! I’ve been begging him for cruel anal sex: just using me for his own pleasure, whilst I whimper in pain (or at least varying levels of discomfort!) and I think it’s been hard for him to entirely be sanguine with it. When he fucks me, he wants me to go soaring into pleasure with him – and, mind you, I appreciate the sentiment! It is the irony of the universe that so many guys are careless lovers who “just take,” and I fantasize about that, while having a caring and involved lover, to whom my pleasure matters deeply.

Of course, if he wasn’t that person, I couldn’t trust him with the sort of play we do. How deeply ironical that it’s only because I know he is not truly like that, that I can long for him to be, and beg him to pretend to be!

But, because he does care about my satisfaction, he betook himself to use me roughly and get as much pleasure from it as possible. I know, some of you are thinking, “Oh, poor guy gets the world’s smallest violin from me!” but the fact of the matter is that when he’s fucking me and I’m screaming in pleasure, he can just let go and enjoy it 100%. When he is forcing his cock into my ass and I’m whimpering in pain, he has to pay attention to what he is doing, so he doesn’t injure me – and that is a distraction, he cannot let go 100%. (Of course, being me, I think a solution for this is that he practice a whole lot, and then it can become second nature and he won’t have to think about it anymore!)

Anyway, it was a period of wonderfulness. As he pushed into me, some inner masochist part of me sighed, “Oh, now this is pain I can really get into!” I revelled in the pain like a pig in mud, begging him sotto voce, “Please … use me … please … enjoy this fully … please … hurt me….”
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Life being what it is, the minute my Master and got back to the place where we could have full-on hot scenes, life got too busy to play, or even to do blog entries! (Which is my way of apologizing for being MIA all last week….)

However, I am now sitting (uncomfortably) in the warm (stinging) glow of a post-playtime afternoon, with lots of stuff to tell you all, and at least a bit of time to do it. (If I haven’t done an hour of yoga by the time my Master returns home, well, I really don’t want to contemplate what the Evil Paddle would feel like on my bottom at this juncture – I may be a masochist, but I’m not stupid!)

Today was all about the cane. Sadly, I was not in the headspace that I’d been in all week, when my every thought (when it wasn’t about work, which was sadly all too often) was about how lovely it would be to be bent over the bed with the cane whistling down repeatedly upon my bottom….

Today, of course, I just couldn’t be eager and rarin’ to go. No. I had to be very low-energy and somewhat depressed and really more in the, “How ‘bout a nice snuggle?” sort of place. And it didn’t help that, after the post-breakfast’s fiddling-around-on-the-computers time, we had one of those stupid couple miscommunications. I sat back, realized the day was progressing more rapidly than I realized, and asked him, “So, what does our time schedule for today look like?”

He seems to have heard that as, “Can we play now, huh huh?!” when what I meant was, “Should I go have a bath and shave now because you might want to play later, or is there no time for that today?” He responded to what he heard by gesturing at something on which he was working on the computer, and said, “We’ll talk about that later.” But since what thought I had communicated was, “Shall we plan things out so that we can setting up play at an optimal time for you?” I felt really brushed off and like he couldn’t even bother to plan out the day with me, so I stomped off to my room, pouting and hurting. (I hadn’t been being disingenuous, by the way, but was trying to bring the topic up in such a way that if he needed to say, “No play today, sorry,” it was simpler and less emotionally fraught for him.)

About an hour or so later, he called out to me, “Girl, come here.” (I think he knew he’d somehow hurt my feelings, if not exactly the whys and wherefores of it, and this was sort of a dual-purpose thing where he both let me know that those hurt feelings could be put aside, because play-time was upon us, and he was at the same time saying I’d better put the hurt feelings aside, because he was ready to dominate me. (As it is hard to hold onto your sullen emotional pouting and be submissive at the same time!)

I worked hard at just letting go of the remaining pain from the miscommunication, but, as it was, I still wasn’t in a great space. And he was being very sweet and tender with me, which was probably the right thing, the best way to express that he had understood my hurt feelings and was ready to move on from them with me … but it is also something I find very confusing and hard to process. In my fantasies, CP or other ouchie things are seldom preceded by loving gentleness. It’s much more the rough and violent or cold and distant sort of thing. I do have the occasional fantasy about a “Daddy is sad he has to punish his little girl, but he has to do it for her own good” OTK spanking, although even then that tends to lead to Daddy making his girl suffer the discomfort and humiliation of anal penetration, also “for her own good” (there is something quite sexy about quiet forcefulness and gentle but relentless domination, a feeling that despite – or even more because of – understanding and compassion, your fate is inexorable.)

However, that occasional fantasy didn’t help me much at the time. If it had been something he wanted to role-play, that would have helped set it up for me … but he didn’t want to play at being other people, in other circumstances: just him and me, with me accepting pain and discipline from him.
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