Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘kink’

Here is an excellent article which I think anyone who does kinky play (or is looking into getting into that sort of thing) must read, contemplate, and discuss with play partners and anyone who will hold still for the discussion.

The BDSM scene can get a bit too caught up in trying to codify the “rules” of kinky play. Since we are all playing different games at different levels of intensity, this ranges from silly to stupid in results, although of course one understands the desire to have one set of stable and unchanging rules — doing kinky stuff is playing with fire, and people want to figure out how to make that as safe and rewarding as possible. Sadly, making people jump through hoops of rules they may or may not want or need can take away the “rewarding” part, and can sabotage the “safe” by people rebelling and saying that “Safe, sane, and consensual” is utter bollocks. Hell, even I am more likely to call myself “Risk aware consensual,” because the SSC people have become so weirdly puritanical.

On the other hand, at least the BDSM scene is trying to do something to address the issues (issues like sub-drop, in this case). From experiencing the spanko world over the past couple years, I can say with certainty that some spankos are so insistent that what they do has nothing to do with anything that remotely involves BDSM, that they “cut off their nose to spite their face,” ignoring the good possibilities and examples that comes from the organized BDSM community. Safewords have their place, for example, in the spanko world. But people have to remember that safewords are not a perfect band-aid for every situation. I guess safewords are a bit like condoms: they are good tools to making play safer, but they do not take away all risk, and they don’t protect against a number of ways that diseases can be transmitted (and they can break!) and so an attitude that they makes things 100% safe is stupid and can have regrettable results. (And of course, some couples don’t want or need to use condoms, and forcing them to do so is really imposing your agenda on someone else.)

So, not everyone needs or wants after-care. But the fact that post-play “fallout” happens needs to be recognized and acknowledged, and people need to either offer some remedy for it or make it clear that they don’t offer anything for it, before play happens between new partners. It could be as simple as asking, “Do you have someone whom can lean on if you feel down after this scene?” Here, I’ll use the metaphor of fire again: you don’t just start a fire in a forest without doing some basic forest-fire-prevention steps, and you clean up after yourself.

I don’t care if you want to believe you’re not kinky and that spanking is entirely unrelated to the BDSM and fetish worlds. Fine — if that’s what you need to accept your desires and live a fulfilling life, go for it. But you still have to be responsible and treat the people with whom you do-whatever-it-is-that-you-do with respect and consideration. And that’s what things like safewords and after-care really are, under the terminology: care, consideration, respect, and responsibility.

Okay, I’m backing away from the soapbox! Back to your fun, everyone, because just because you need to be an adult about the broader aspects of this doesn’t mean you can’t savour it like a kid!

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I’ve just come back from a trip to the UK (with my Master and the Mystery Minx!), and then to my parents home for Christmas – I promise I’ll blog all about it, but I’m extremely jet-lagged and can’t finish the post tonight!

But I wanted to just post up a little something and wish you all the happiest of holidays, however you celebrate them!

Happily, sexandsubmission.com gave me an excuse to post in a holiday theme…. And, it seems that if you join the site by January 2nd you’ll get a second month FREE, which is pretty cool!

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Yes, that’s me in the silver wig! It’s from “The Curse of MacBeth.”

A few months ago, Madison Young put out a tweet asking for “witches” for a porn production of Macbeth. Well, that seemed like it could only be an interesting project, so I put my name forward. To my delight, I found that Miss Maggie Mayhem, Rain De Grey, and Lilla Katt, so I got to make out with my hot model friends as my part of the film! (No, don’t point out that there were three witches in the play! Porn doesn’t have to be accurate!)

Anyway, it’s the first porn I’ve been in for a while, and even though I’m far from starring in it, if you like following my work, here’s something new for you!

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That question and more will be answered on Pain Olympics (sorry I can’t embed it!) Which I add to my list of proofs that Brits are all raging perverts — look what they do for fun!

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Hey all,

It’s been a pretty chaotic time for me, and I’m unsure when it’s going to mellow out, so my blogging is going to be random at best. (For those who care, I’ll probably be writing about it in my other blog at some point, but all you really need to know is that it’s family stuff — once that is said, anyone can understand!)

Here is a meme I’ve been working on, a question at a time, over the past mumble days. (Which I got from My Bottom Smarts — thanks Bonnie!) To keep people’s ears (eyes?) perked up, I shall intersperse images from Miss Maggie Mayhem’s recent super sexy shoot for “Everything Butt.” (And because I like looking at them — it’s as much for me as for you!)

1. Would you rather be spanked outside in a cold woodshed or inside by a cosy fire? Oh, cold is bad, baaaad! It’s not the idea of the woodshed – that’s certainly got its place in fantasy-land. But when I get cold I really just want to have a cuppa tea and snuggle up in a warm blankie, not get a spanking!

2. Would you rather be spanked in public or in private? I don’t mind the kind of public that is a fetish event or spanking party – and I was even flogged in the middle of the Folsom Street Fair. But I’m not okay with making vanilla people watch my kinky antics – it’s non-consensual! They didn’t ask to see that sort of thing, and I think it’s unfair to assume they want to. But as long as I know I’m someplace where everyone is on the same page, then public or private don’t matter to me!

3. Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked? Well, fantasies are lovely, but reality is more fun!

4. Would you rather be spanked for your humiliation or for your spanker’s pleasure? Why does this have to be an “or”? I assume we’re both here for the same thing!

5. Would you rather be spanked by hand or by hairbrush? Hand, every time. But try replacing “hairbrush” with “belt” or “cane”….

6. Would you rather be spanked by belt or by cane? Heh. I hadn’t even read this question when I answered the one above! It would be a sad world if I could only have one of these!

7. Would you rather be spanked by paddle or riding crop? Well, that’s an easy one! I adore the riding crop, and hate the paddle with a passion!
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