Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘Punishments’

Since I have posted my It’s the attention, stupid! post, Sparkle has included an addition to The Punishment Book, which further illustrates the longing for attention — I can’t say it better than her:

I’ve never really been a brat. I doubt I’ve bratted like this since well before the princess was born. Even Chris asked me what had gotten into me. I’m worried that I’m trying yet a new way to get what I want from him on a nearly constant basis – his dedicated, focused, energized attention.

This of course is the problem that people in “our sorts of relationships” wish to avoid: bratting to get attention. Because that can lead to some serious relationship problems. (Although I would point out that Sparkle is doing obvious, “Spank me, please!” things, and not deliberately messing something important up, so I think she’s still quite safe in that regard!) But this matter is something that all couples who include punishment in their relationships need to watch out for, and about which they keep an open (and open-minded) dialogue.

I’ve really been getting into The Punishment Book recently. It’s an amazing resource you all should check out (if you haven’t already)!

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An excellent post (as always) from The Spanking Writers includes a (more introspective than I ever imagined) quote from Scary Spice:

The anticipation was worse than the punishment. I knew exactly what was coming. I’d walk into a silent room, bend over, get smacked (by his hand or a belt), then stand up and walk out of the room without saying a word…. I dreaded it. Sometimes, though, I think I was naughty on purpose, just to get dad’s full attention for a few minutes.

In the first place, that very anticipation and the ritual aspect are both vital. But that’s not what I want to write about just now.

As a little girl I wanted my daddy’s attention. (Well, I wanted all the attention I could get from everyone, but my daddy’s counted the most!) And I’d do anything to get it — good behaviour, bad behaviour — whatever worked best! And since my parents didn’t really punish me very efficaciously, it was just as likely to be the latter as the former, when I was a child! In my teens it changed — then I wanted him to pay as little attention to me as possible, so I could do the stuff I wanted to do with him not forbidding me or lecturing me!

Now I have come full circle, but at least I am self-aware. I want my Daddy’s attention as much as possible. When he is busy on the computer, and doesn’t have time for me, it hurts just as much as when I was a little girl and my daddy had to work.

There is an amusing family story that when I was about 5 or 6, my bio-father had a meeting one weekend day. Now, I had accepted that my daddy would be at work during the day on weekdays, but weekends were MINE, and I was a jealous god little girl. So I pitched a fit with all the power of my wee vocal cords and body (the vocal cords, I am given to understand, were not unimpressive, and my mother assures me I was Olympic-level for throwing myself on the ground and pounding my little fists and feet.

My dad gave his lecture with me on his hip.

And I was a happy little girl, because I was with my daddy. (And, of course, I’d WON!)

Now I’m in a slightly different place. Not in my desires — they are still as simple as wanting to be with my Daddy, and wanting attention from him. But now I don’t want to be a spoiled creature — I want the discipline to not throw fits when I don’t get my way. (I don’t, for the record, still throw myself to the ground and scream and pound my fists. But there are adult behaviours, the worst of which include manipulation and being passive-aggressive, which are just as vile as any childish misbehaviour! And my mom is a very passive-aggressive manipulator, so I live in terror of having picked those things up from her!)

However, no matter how well I may learn to accept that I can’t always get all the attention (which I think will be a life-time’s study!), punishment will always have as it’s most beguiling attraction, the fact that when you are being punished, all your punisher’s attention is right on you. And as much as you may dislike the pain or other educational aspects of punishment, you can still bask in the attention being lavished upon you.

I suppose a contrary person might point out that then, in my case, a true punishment for me is simply to ignore me. I have two answers to that: in the first place, this is supposed to be loving discipline — not cruel and unusual punishment! And secondly, my Master and I have the complimentary urges, wired into our sexuality, to be punisher-and-punishee. And since we’ve been lucky enough to find each other, in this wide world full of mistakes and missed connections, we really both ought to derive some enjoyment from our mutual needs that now can be fulfilled.

And what that means is that I need to police myself a bit, and not act too badly, be a little bit in charge of myself and consider my actions and words. The reward for that effort though, is getting to revisit being a little girl who gets punished by her Daddy, having his love and concern for her proven with his attentions, over and over again.

(And somehow, getting lectured became hot for me, too, somewhere along all of this. I remember saying as a teen that no punishment could be worse than my dad droning on at me. Now my Master can’t make me a happier lil’ pervert than if he reads me the riot act before my thrashing!)

*Please note that I’m not calling anyone stupid! I’m misquoting “It’s the economy, stupid” from Bill Clinton’s 1992 presidential campaign.

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Hey all,

It’s been a pretty chaotic time for me, and I’m unsure when it’s going to mellow out, so my blogging is going to be random at best. (For those who care, I’ll probably be writing about it in my other blog at some point, but all you really need to know is that it’s family stuff — once that is said, anyone can understand!)

Here is a meme I’ve been working on, a question at a time, over the past mumble days. (Which I got from My Bottom Smarts — thanks Bonnie!) To keep people’s ears (eyes?) perked up, I shall intersperse images from Miss Maggie Mayhem’s recent super sexy shoot for “Everything Butt.” (And because I like looking at them — it’s as much for me as for you!)

1. Would you rather be spanked outside in a cold woodshed or inside by a cosy fire? Oh, cold is bad, baaaad! It’s not the idea of the woodshed – that’s certainly got its place in fantasy-land. But when I get cold I really just want to have a cuppa tea and snuggle up in a warm blankie, not get a spanking!

2. Would you rather be spanked in public or in private? I don’t mind the kind of public that is a fetish event or spanking party – and I was even flogged in the middle of the Folsom Street Fair. But I’m not okay with making vanilla people watch my kinky antics – it’s non-consensual! They didn’t ask to see that sort of thing, and I think it’s unfair to assume they want to. But as long as I know I’m someplace where everyone is on the same page, then public or private don’t matter to me!

3. Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked? Well, fantasies are lovely, but reality is more fun!

4. Would you rather be spanked for your humiliation or for your spanker’s pleasure? Why does this have to be an “or”? I assume we’re both here for the same thing!

5. Would you rather be spanked by hand or by hairbrush? Hand, every time. But try replacing “hairbrush” with “belt” or “cane”….

6. Would you rather be spanked by belt or by cane? Heh. I hadn’t even read this question when I answered the one above! It would be a sad world if I could only have one of these!

7. Would you rather be spanked by paddle or riding crop? Well, that’s an easy one! I adore the riding crop, and hate the paddle with a passion!
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Here is a favorite Tom and Jerry cartoon. Why, you ask, would I post this on my spanking blog? Well, this cartoon always leaves me somewhat aroused, as many elements in this turned me on when I was kid…

It does have all the fetish and discipline elements you could hope for! Spanking and other CP in the form of forced castor oil consumption, infantilism, humiliation, etc.

This one cartoon really informed my sexuality. I latched on immediately to the spanking, since I was aroused by spanking since earliest memory, but the scene with the goldfish being put Jerry’s diaper also stuck in my mind, and so ever since, I like the idea of kinky things being put in one’s knickers as punishment: a lotion that makes you tingle and burn, or a bit of ginger or a butt-plug put in your bottom, and then the pants pulled up and you have to walk around like that. (But NOT goldfish. I just wouldn’t go there!)

I actually remember watching this on TV as kid, as a clear, specific memory. Many things associated with spanking are clear memories from my childhood, from which so much else is hazy and general. I’ll be going over other influences over the next few days … but for further reading, here is a letter I wrote to my Master when we were still in the first months of seeing each other, talking about some of my early influences…. (Here’s another related letter to my Master, and here’s a recent post on some later influences….)

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