Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘Shadow Lane’

Our first shoot with Shadowlane — yes, I wrote, “our” – that’s because Mr. Defeu has joined me on camera for his first porn outing with his face showing! (You’ll remember he worked with me on a spanking video for IFM, but there he was still incognito.) Being the wise fellow that he is, he waited until he was truly comfortable with being on camera making adult films – then, he went for it, no holds barred! (Something I hope any spanking actress – male or female – will do with the same self-awareness. If you ain’t comfortable, just don’t do it – when you become comfortable, don’t let anything stop you!)

I’ve been promised plenty of teaser shots from Tony & Eve (and let me tell you, they’ll be teasing me just as much as you – I can’t wait to see the videos!) for now, here’s a fun one. I just wanted to get some impressions down, while they were fresh.

A favourite moment was when Mr D and Clare Fonda were in a scene together. They were a married couple (not long to remain so!) and he had just found out that she’d been cheating on him, as well as lying and stealing. He confronts her, and it ends with him spanking her – an outcome which I’m sure will surprise you all!

The minute they got on camera together, sparks flew. They are both witty, eloquent, vibrant people, and they were just brilliant together. They were funny, genuine, and intense. There was one point where they were arguing, and they just started talking right over one another, like a couple who has been together for too long, and just doesn’t care what the other has to say anymore. It was amazing – I had no idea that my husband is such a brilliant actor, and I can’t wait to see him doing other films!

Another wonderful moment was while I was working with Clare. Well, most of the moments were quite wonderful, actually, but this is the one I’ll tell you about right now. I had tried to blackmail “Iris,” my husband’s ex-wife (see above!) and demanded to spank her to keep her secret. Well, she then got the goods on me, and promised to my husband unless I let her spank me – and then she wanted to humiliate me even more by penetrating first my pussy and then my ass – gasp!

Now, the spanking was of course fantastic – it was coming from Clare Fonda, after all! – but the moment of penetration, especially the anal one, had this delicious humiliation to it that I keep remembering with erotic shudders.

Now, I know you’ll say, “But Zille, you’re just an anal-sex loving slut who can’t get enough bum action!” to which I’d have to agree, but the thing is that I’m a different kind of slut than I used to be.

Before I got into the spanko scene, I was more the “shameless hussy,” sort. I’d been there and done that, and I wasn’t going to be embarrassed anymore by most anything I was okay with doing in any scene. I mean, I’d probably done it on stage at the fetish nightclub or at the peep show where I’d worked, so shame was something I’d proudly done away with.

But, reading Janusii, and watching spanko porn, and reading the journals of the lovely spanko community, I realized that I wanted that shame back – that it added a piquancy that being a shameless hussy just couldn’t have by definition.

That doesn’t mean that I’m any less proud of my career in porn or my performances at fetish events or even the orgies I had in college. But, somehow, just by wanting it, I got back the embarrassment that I thought I’d gotten rid of – so that I could get a thrill of shame and awkwardness from merely taking down my knickers – while otherwise entirely clothed!

I had always maintained that “I’m just not into that humiliation thing,” when actually I am really, really into it – I just needed a new framework for it. Being humiliated when being a naked slave on a chain did nothing for me. But being humiliated whilst dressed in a proper schoolgirl uniform – now you’re talking!

So, there I was, on a porn set, where you’d think that after the amount of time I’ve spent making porn in my life would be the one place where I’d feel just entirely at home. And I could have done, and would have done five years ago.

But now both my character and my real self were deeply enjoying the embarrassment of being exposed and penetrated. My character was feeling degraded and shamed by the tables being turned on her, and the obviously inferior [grins to Clare] ex-wife getting to have her evil way with her. I found myself feeling quite shy suddenly to have a roomful of people I’d just met seeing a long acrylic dildo shoved up my bottom. Yes, yes, they were all pros who’d seen this sort of thing a million times before, something I would have reassured myself with if I wasn’t enjoying the exquisite humiliation of it all.

It’s an odd thing, perhaps, to write about getting turned on at a porn shoot. But when I work with people, I give them 100% effort – and that means that my arousal is more a sort of cerebral thing. As I work, the thought “Oh, look, I’m in this hot situation with these sexy people, doing stuff that really turns me on!” will flash through my mind, but it is sharing space with: “Am I facing the lighting correctly?” “Am I working with the camera(s) to best effect?” “How is my co-actor doing?” “What is my next line?” “What emotions should my character be feeling now, and am I expressing them with face and body?” “Am I talking loud enough for the cameras to be catching it?” and so forth.

So it was with a real delight that I realized how aroused I was by the humiliating circumstances (a basically complete stranger I’d met a couple hours earlier is shoving an acrylic dildo up my ass in front of other near-strangers, and my husband!) and I was in a place where I could really enjoy it – my character was supposed to be feeling the same thing, for similar reasons, and all I had to do was lie there an make the appropriate noises – which, if I just let go and enjoyed the situation, would happen naturally.

So all those things coming together (as it were) put me in a space where I could really enjoy them as much as if I was in a private scene at home.

Of course, I have to thank Eve, Tony, Butch, and Clare for giving me that moment. I trusted all of them implicitly, so I could just let go and enjoy myself.

I can’t wait to see the films, and whenever Shadowlane wants us, we’ll get our butts right down to Vegas!

My dear fans and friends,

Would you please take a moment and go vote for me in the Spanking Spot 2010 awards “New Spankee” category? It means a great deal to me that I was nominated, and it would actually mean a ridiculous amount to me if I won.

I’ve had a good year as a spankee. I’ve worked with NSI twice (read about that here and here). I did a wonderful day of shooting with Pandora for her upcoming site (see below) and this coming weekend I’m flying out to shoot videos for Shadowlane! (I also had a spanking party of my own in San Francisco, had a wonderful time at Shadowlane, and was “finished off” at Mrs Darling’s Academy.)

The lovely Pandora and me (and Tom, of course!), a teaser shot of what’s to come:

The adorable Bailey and me:

Stephen Lewis would want you to!

Vote for me or I’ll pout! (Promise!)

And just one more for fun:

(Image from the exciting new Rose & Cheek Spanking Parties.)

A website called “Blisstree.com” has put up an article called. “What to Wear to a Spanking Party“. It reads like this:

So you’ve finally been invited to a spanking party, and, if you’re anything like me, your first question is: “What shall I wear?” It’s not the sort of thing you can look up easily in Emily Post or call your mother and ask what her set did. Still, spanking parties have become commonplace enough that there is a fair amount of information available. Here are some tips to get you started:

As you may well imagine, spanking parties have their own sort of preferred dress code. Some could argue that what you wear to a spanking party is even more critical that what you wear to a sex party, a topic I tackled here last month. Indeed, because spanking parties rarely involve nudity, the clothes become a part of the event, so you’ll want to choose your outfit carefully.

As with sex parties, there are a few practical considerations to take into account. For spankees, pantyhose are definitely a hindrance to straddling someone’s lap for a good paddling. Go for stay-up or garter belt stockings instead. And skirts and dresses are much easier to hike up if you’ve been naughty than unbuttoning a pair of pants.

Spankers are, by nature, a fairly conservative crowd, and the dress follows suit. Most parties are held in private homes with many spanking hookups dispersing to private rooms, but the bold and experienced will likely get the party started in full view. To err on the safe side, dress as you would for a dinner party – men in sports jacket, collared shirts, even a suit and tie, and women in dresses and skirts, as mentioned above. Schoolgirl outfits are popular, and a friend of mine who attended a recent spanking event dressed as a librarian was the hit of the evening, no pun intended.

Definitely leave your bondage gear at home. Wrong crowd (and crowds that rarely mix or crossover). If you show up with your leathers and chains, you may not be invited back. Instead, plan on doing a lot of pleasant chatting about spanking with fellow devotees, and then repair to your private room. Bottoms up!

Alright, this article is not so bad. It seems to be written by a friend of a spanko, who needed to get an article up on the website, especially an article that would generate a lot of traffic. When said friend talks about the wonderful spanking party they went to, this author had a lightbulb go off over their head — “Ah ha! That’s what I’ll write about! That should get lots of links back!”

Overall, I think we can count this as a reasonable win for spanko-vanilla relations. Some useful information is gotten out onto the internet, in a vanilla forum, where it might do some good. And, in return, the website generates some nice buzz for itself, so everyone is happy.

Well, until you see how the article spawns outward. Here is the next incarnation of it:

Parties are usually fun. They’re usually based around some type of celebration such a birthday, a graduation, a wedding, or even sex. But then we came across the idea of a “Spanking Party” and had to wonder… is this really a party? When I think of spanking, I think back to the days of breaking my older sister’s barbie doll at age 5 and having to fear that my Dad would come home later and spank the hell out of me as a punishment. However, there seems to be a decent amount of people out there that like to get together for the sole purpose of spanking one another. Just like every other activity, “Spanking Parties” have their own set of etiquettes to follow.

According to our friends over at BlissTree.com, if you find yourself attending one of these odd parties, you better show up wearing the proper attire or you may end up being the outcast amongst outcasts. For example, don’t show up thinking you’re attending a whips & chains event. Surprisingly, most attendees of these odd parties actually like the more casual and conventional dress attire. Men can keep it simple with blazers and jeans while women have been known to dress up as librarians or school girls.

BlissTree also suggests sparking up conversation that has to do with the topic at hand: spanking. Here at Leftos, we’re not that knowledgeable about the world of spanking, but to each their own. If you do end up on the invitation list and decide to attend, be sure to check out BlissTree’s full article before you show up being the weirdo at a weirdo party!

How quickly we go from reasonably respectful, even if spankos are being used as a topic to draw traffic and links to a website, to belittling and downright insulting — while still using spankos as a way to draw traffic and links to a website!

And also, the jerks at “Leftos” manage to mangle or otherwise distort the info. Even down to making it less useful for the poor first-time party goer who mistakenly trusts this link. The first article said, “To err on the safe side, dress as you would for a dinner party – men in sports jacket, collared shirts, even a suit and tie, and women in dresses and skirts, as mentioned above. Schoolgirl outfits are popular, and a friend of mine who attended a recent spanking event dressed as a librarian was the hit of the evening, no pun intended.” And I would stand by that advice! ” But the second article for some reason says, “Men can keep it simple with blazers and jeans while women have been known to dress up as librarians or school girls.”

Where did the jeans come from?! And what’s this, “women have been known to” crap? If the idiot who wrote this took even five seconds to google “spanking,” he’d have soon seen that dressing up as a schoolgirl is not just something that has been “known to happen” — most spankers would probably prefer that the gals show up that way!

And I just love how such sneering negativity has crept in: “if you find yourself attending one of these odd parties, you better show up wearing the proper attire or you may end up being the outcast amongst outcasts” and “the weirdo at a weirdo party” — sure, Leftos gives lipservice to open-mindedness with the “but to each their own” line, but it is plain what the writer thinks — these are freaks — useful freaks, however, since putting this article on the Leftos site will generate some nice buzz!

It just makes me want to go slap their smug faces. They are using me and my compatriots while at the same time mocking us.

I know, I know — it’s nothing new. But this was just a shockingly pellucid example of it.

For any person who has found this entry while searching. “What to Wear to a Spanking Party,” let me just clarify things.
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Sunday morning dawned all-too early, although the call time for the shoot was eminently reasonable. I did all my pre-shoot prep in a buzz of happy anticipation: shooting with NSI again, and with my dear friend Bailey! Worries about how painful things might be generally don’t happen for me until we’re right about to start, which is when I always have a moment of, “Wait a minute! Why did I think this was a good idea–!”

All I knew was that they wanted me in “slinky black lingerie,” so I brought a black bra and lace thong and garter belt and stockings (I know I once had a black teddy, but I have no idea where it’s since gone, since Mr. Defeu doesn’t find such things interesting). That’s all Bailey knew, too, and so we put our sexy undergarments on with some trepidation.

Finally, we were vouchsafed that information just as shooting was about to start. (I think that sadist Paul was having too much fun leaving us to wonder!) It turns out that Bailey and I were girls who’d racked up an impressive debt at the tables in Marcus Black’s casinos (he was a multi-casino mobster!) and he was going to teach us a lesson personally. He started by having us spank each other, “because I won’t dirty my hands on the likes of you.”

When NSI releases this video, please note that he does actually at one point run his hand down our weals! In between takes, I noted to him that the psychic grime will never wash off – haha!

If you want to know what else happens in the movie, you’ll just have to join NSI. I’ll let you all know when it’s released!

My make-up was still reasonably intact after the shoot, so I decided it was time to shoot in a cute 1950’s “playsuit” that I’d be holding onto for years, waiting for the right moment to shoot in it. And a cute red “bathing cap” to match it. We met Bailey, Mr. Black, and Mr. Allen as we were heading down to the pool to shoot, and those wonderful people volunteered to help us out.

The pool and hot-tub were filled to over-brimming with kids and parents – ugh! I’m haven’t lost my shyness overnight (or at any point in my years-long modelling career!), so having everyone poolside watching me do posey-posey stuff was a nightmare. But I wanted to get some images, damnit, and I was in make-up and costume, and who knows when we’d find a chance to shoot again?! So I did my magic thing where I tuck away my shyness, and just ignored everyone. (This, I think, is the difference between exhibitionism and whatever I am. An exhibitionist revels in the attention of an audience. I just find the ability to pretend there isn’t an audience. “There is no spoon,” as it were. So I can go-go dance at a nightclub, work at a peepshow, make porn, what-have-you, and yet still be painfully shy most of the time. Yes, it is very confusing. I think I’ve just taken something from what I learned from my wonderful English teacher in high school about public speaking, and applied it to any potentially attention-garnering activity I have wanted to do ever since. And it’s worked — I manage to do the things I really want to make the effort to do!)

Since the pool itself was so full of frolicking families, I opted for the hot-tub as a place to pose, but it was stuffed with children aged about 6-14, who showed no sign of leaving. We waited and waited, and shot images in other areas while doing so, but the kiddies would not bugger off. Finally, I had an idea – I just strode over, and asked the kids if they would clear off for 10 minutes or so, while I shot some pictures I the hot tub.

Amazingly, they tripped over themselves to be helpful, clearing out of the line of the shot. That was as far as they went, however, and now I had a really really interested audience watching my every move. Joy. A few kids called out questions: “Are you a famous model?” Ummmm. “I hope to be someday,” seemed a safer answer than saying, “Yes, and your daddy may have jerked off to me.”

We got some shots, and then a few more from a different angle. When we stopped, I started climbing out of the water, and the kids burst into spontaneous applause. I bowed, pleased and surprised that they were so nice. My memories of a group of kids is from either being a kid myself (when they were all nasty vicious fiends who made fun of me) or as a camp counsellor (when they were mostly troublesome and as hard to herd as kittens) – a group of children all being nice to me is entirely unheard of in my experience. It was really lovely.

I was so happy to be done with modelling, however, just delighted to finally be out of the limelight. We all sat around talking for a while (most of us in the shade, just enjoying the desert heat), and then Mr. Defeu wanted to get out of the heat, and Bailey decided she needed sustenance. I couldn’t even comprehend moving, and so stayed down with Mr. Black and Mr. Allen, talking about everything and anything. That long afternoon rambling conversation of one of the best parts of the weekend for me: everything was over – parties and shoots and etc. – and all I had to do in the world was sit at my ease in the warm, warm air, talking with two new friends. It took me back to childhood, when summer afternoons would stretch out ahead of you like they would last forever. Except I was a self-assured (well, to the greatest extent I’ve known yet in my life) adult, who was able to really appreciate the pleasures of the afternoon for all they were worth. It was one of those “Life is good” moments, which not cherishing would be a terrible sin.

Once the shade had escaped due to the setting sun (watching Mr. Allen, Mr. Black and me hauling our lounge chairs back and back and back into the retreating shadows must have been an amusing sight!) I hauled my melty-brained self back up to the hotel room. I got ready for dinner – and my make-up was still amazingly well-preserved, and my hair looked as good as if it had just been “did” by a hairdresser – who knew sweating in a latex swimcap was the ultimate hair treatment?! However, we were hoping to have dinner with our friends, so we kept waiting to hear from someone with their dinner plans. Nothing, nothing. Finally Mr. Defeu decided, screw it, let’s have a scene. I hauled off my dinner dress and had on a white vest and navy blue gym knickers in record time!
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I wanted to make sure that Saturday was less hectic than Friday, but I didn’t mean it to be so mellow that I missed the Punishment Book meeting! But I slept in late, and then Mr. Defeu and I had some nice morning sex, and by the time I realized what was going on (i.e, that the PB meeting as not on Sunday after all), we barely made it down in time for brunch with Mija, Paul, Rad, and Miss Cassandra. (Note, I see Rad has explained that he can only be mentioned “as long as it’s glowing bordering on gushing” – so he should consider himself thus described as shining brighter than a glow-in-the-dark Jesus, and gushing in a manner that would make Niagra falls jealous!)

Then Mr. Defeu and I chilled for a while, before he got called off to help the Northern folks with some errands, and I started my prepping for my outfit for that evening. To the right, a shot taken while hanging out pre-ball with Mija, Paul, Fireman Chris and Serenity, Iris and M, and Bailey.

• Black Satin Bullet Bra
• 6-Strap Garter Belt
• Pin-Up Girl Stockings
• 50′s Rockabilly Satin Dot Halter Dress
• Satin Bolero Jacket

(I’ve linked above to a nice dress that’s like the one I’m wearing, but the one I’m wearing is special because it’s loaned to me by the delicious Pandora. Although I may tell her if she wants it back she has to come to San Francisco and wrest it from my body personally!)

The dinner part of the evening was nice – and the food wasn’t bad; better than last year’s, I felt – and I basically played musical chairs moving around the table talking to people. And a whole bunch of San Franciscans stopped by to talk to me, which was so cool – of course, it is perhaps ironic that we had to go to Vegas to meet and/or get a chance to chat! My local peeps should feel free to stay in touch with me – we talked about lots of cool ideas for spanking parties and stuff!

My only complaint was that the music got cranked to 11 while I was trying to talk to people. I was already loosing my voice from all the talking and from the smoky air (it’s weird, after living in CA, to be in a place where there is smoking allowed indoors! My throat’s just not used to that sort of thing anymore!) and since there was only a small number of people shakin’ their booties, the volume seemed disproportionately loud. I would really prefer that there be a dance floor area, and an eating/talking area, and the music kept to background-level in the latter. If I want to go dancing, I’ll go dancing whether or not the music is turned up – and if I want to talk, having to shout over music just makes me cranky.

This increased volume encouraged most of my friends it was time to move on to suite parties Read the rest of this entry »