Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

Posts Tagged ‘Shoots/Events’

Okay, I managed to avoid this meme when kaya tagged all her readers, but now Mollena has tagged me in a most unequivocal way, so here I go:

seven random things you didn’t know about me (but do now)

1. I love dinosaurs, and my favorite is Triceratops — because he was an herbivore, but could still kick T-Rex’s ass all over town.
2. I have read the Lord of the Rings trilogy at least 20 times in my life. And I HATE the movies! My favorite character is Treebeard.
3. I sleep with a stuffed wolf cub every night, named Kodah.
4. Except when my Master goes on trips very far away. Then I ask him to take Kodah with him, so I won’t worry so much. When my Master went to India, he sent back pictures of Kodah in hotel rooms, at ancient temples, contemplating Indian squirrels, etc. While Kodah is away with my Master, I may sleep with a black bear named Olallieberry, or my stuffed Triceratops, named Trinity.
5. I love being in small enclosed spaces. You’ve heard of claustrophobia — I have claustrophilia! It started when I was a kid — I have memories of favorite small enclosed spaces that are richer than most of my other memories. One was in a doctor’s office “kid’s playroom,” that had a niche you could only get into by a small round hole, and once inside, one wall was stained glass, and the colorful light made me really happy. For some reason, it was part of my sexuality — I remember being in small enclosed spaces the same way I remember fantasizing about the spanking monsters, or finding references to spanking in books or tv.
6. Also sexual from my childhood: the smell of new gym mats. A very rubbery smell. I like the smell of latex clothing just fine, but if you put me in a room with a gym mat, I’ll be lying on it and breathing in deeply through my nose (errr, that’s the polite way of saying “huffing”) in no time flat!
7. The jobs I wanted to have, in chronological order: paleontologist (circa age 5), librarian (circa age 8), writer and illustrator (circa age 12), spy and/or navy pilot (circa age 15 — yes I’d gotten into the John Le Carré section of the library, and that was around the time Top Gun came out…), interior designer (circa age 17), porn star (circa age 19), web-designer (circa age 23). I’m now back to wanting to be a writer (when I grow up — heh!), although I’m happy doing web-design and working in the porn industry, too!

So there you are. Proof of my geekiness laid out for all to see!

In return I tag:
Paul — please do this meme in the comments for this post!

I don’t know who else from my friends has already done this post, so if you are reading this, and feel like doing it, feel free to leave it in the comments for this post if you don’t have a blog, or do it on your blog (in which case, let me know so I can go read it!)

It’s really funny, everyone who links to me puts me in a different category, depending on what my recent blog posts have been about.

• If I’ve been putting up some of the pictures from my modeling days, they put me under “spanking model,” or “fetish model.”
• If I’m linking to spanking blogs and classic spanking videos, then I’m put in the “general spanking” category.
• If I’ve been talking about my relationship with Mr Defeu, then this blog is a “Master slave blog.” (Or even, a “blog about master/servant relationships” — Oh well, at least he thinks it’s “fascinating”!)*

Back when I did DarkPlay.net , I knew the site was never going to be a commercial success the way it was a critically acclaimed artistic success because I was too diversified: I did spanking shoots, and every fetish you could imagine, and sometimes just vanilla stuff like a nice lesbian threesome or what-have-you. And people looking for porn generally want the one thing they want: spanking, hold the latex. Or hardcore bondage, and don’t let’s see that boring vanilla twaddle! Or feet and stockings; what are you bothering with this other stuff for? Or, if it don’t involve pee, it ain’t for me!

But I thought when I started doing this blog that I had managed to concentrate my varied kinky interests into the specific and most vital ones. I don’t write here about the tentacle monster anime that I love. I’ve been in erotic cannibalism fetish shoots, and vampiric blood-drinking shoots. But what I post here is spanking stuff (and yes, some bondage, but they go together like chocolate and peanut butter!)

But now I wonder: am I still too diversified? Are the spankos turned off because I’m in an M/s relationship? Are the M/s people bored with my blog because my Master and I do more spanking and Daddy/girl stuff and less high Gorean protocol? Do the “real” people not trust me because I’ve been a porn model?** (And I don’t even have to ask if the domestic discipline people sniff and look down their noses at me because I’m unashamedly into various aspects of BDSM — okay, okay, all the aspects.)

Do I just not fit in anywhere?

Bah. I don’t know. I think I’m coming down with something; I have a sore throat and a fever. Undoubtedly this is just me feeling down because I don’t feel well, and I’ll be back to being your chipper kinky blogger soon.

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* Really, I should just be appreciative that he linked to me in the first place — he could easily have just linked to the website itself. And Depeche Mode has a really great song called “Master and Servant.”
**I have always loved that because I was a pro-model, I thus somehow lost my “realness.” I must now be an imaginary person. Indeed, every pro-model, be she a porn model, fetish model, or fashion model must just actually be a figment of a sort of mass hallucination!

This is a shot I did for Project ISM about a year or so ago.

I’ll be posting some of my favorite shots I’ve done for ISM over the years in the coming weeks, to celebrate being on the site again — yes, I’ve sent in the shoot from my Master’s and my honeymoon! It’s going to take them a while to process the images and get me in the updates queue, so until then I’ll take you lot back with me down memory lane….

In this shot, I am wearing one of my Master’s old shirts, and enjoying a warm summer afternoon in a b’n'b in England!

It’s really cool to discover that random people have put naked pictures of you on their computer screens!

This glorious picture comes from Her First Punishment. This is the kind of spanking shot that really gets to me. I can’t tell what I want more: to be the model, or the photographer!

Obviously, I want to be the model, the weals on my bottom still burning and throbbing. I want to look like she does, with my, errrr, assets, shown to their best advantage.

But how could I not want to be the person who took that picture?! If that was my image, I’d be so bloody proud of myself!

And this exemplifies the terrible dilemna I’m smack (haha) in the middle. I can’t decide whether I want to be a model or photographer. I want both, but I don’t have enough time in the day to do both (at least properly.) I keep swinging from one to the other, and it causes me a certain amount of confusion and indecision.

Why can’t I just be caned and take pictures of pretty girls who have been caned?!