Zille Defeu’s Fetish Fantasies

(Image from the exciting new Rose & Cheek Spanking Parties.)

A website called “Blisstree.com” has put up an article called. “What to Wear to a Spanking Party“. It reads like this:

So you’ve finally been invited to a spanking party, and, if you’re anything like me, your first question is: “What shall I wear?” It’s not the sort of thing you can look up easily in Emily Post or call your mother and ask what her set did. Still, spanking parties have become commonplace enough that there is a fair amount of information available. Here are some tips to get you started:

As you may well imagine, spanking parties have their own sort of preferred dress code. Some could argue that what you wear to a spanking party is even more critical that what you wear to a sex party, a topic I tackled here last month. Indeed, because spanking parties rarely involve nudity, the clothes become a part of the event, so you’ll want to choose your outfit carefully.

As with sex parties, there are a few practical considerations to take into account. For spankees, pantyhose are definitely a hindrance to straddling someone’s lap for a good paddling. Go for stay-up or garter belt stockings instead. And skirts and dresses are much easier to hike up if you’ve been naughty than unbuttoning a pair of pants.

Spankers are, by nature, a fairly conservative crowd, and the dress follows suit. Most parties are held in private homes with many spanking hookups dispersing to private rooms, but the bold and experienced will likely get the party started in full view. To err on the safe side, dress as you would for a dinner party – men in sports jacket, collared shirts, even a suit and tie, and women in dresses and skirts, as mentioned above. Schoolgirl outfits are popular, and a friend of mine who attended a recent spanking event dressed as a librarian was the hit of the evening, no pun intended.

Definitely leave your bondage gear at home. Wrong crowd (and crowds that rarely mix or crossover). If you show up with your leathers and chains, you may not be invited back. Instead, plan on doing a lot of pleasant chatting about spanking with fellow devotees, and then repair to your private room. Bottoms up!

Alright, this article is not so bad. It seems to be written by a friend of a spanko, who needed to get an article up on the website, especially an article that would generate a lot of traffic. When said friend talks about the wonderful spanking party they went to, this author had a lightbulb go off over their head — “Ah ha! That’s what I’ll write about! That should get lots of links back!”

Overall, I think we can count this as a reasonable win for spanko-vanilla relations. Some useful information is gotten out onto the internet, in a vanilla forum, where it might do some good. And, in return, the website generates some nice buzz for itself, so everyone is happy.

Well, until you see how the article spawns outward. Here is the next incarnation of it:

Parties are usually fun. They’re usually based around some type of celebration such a birthday, a graduation, a wedding, or even sex. But then we came across the idea of a “Spanking Party” and had to wonder… is this really a party? When I think of spanking, I think back to the days of breaking my older sister’s barbie doll at age 5 and having to fear that my Dad would come home later and spank the hell out of me as a punishment. However, there seems to be a decent amount of people out there that like to get together for the sole purpose of spanking one another. Just like every other activity, “Spanking Parties” have their own set of etiquettes to follow.

According to our friends over at BlissTree.com, if you find yourself attending one of these odd parties, you better show up wearing the proper attire or you may end up being the outcast amongst outcasts. For example, don’t show up thinking you’re attending a whips & chains event. Surprisingly, most attendees of these odd parties actually like the more casual and conventional dress attire. Men can keep it simple with blazers and jeans while women have been known to dress up as librarians or school girls.

BlissTree also suggests sparking up conversation that has to do with the topic at hand: spanking. Here at Leftos, we’re not that knowledgeable about the world of spanking, but to each their own. If you do end up on the invitation list and decide to attend, be sure to check out BlissTree’s full article before you show up being the weirdo at a weirdo party!

How quickly we go from reasonably respectful, even if spankos are being used as a topic to draw traffic and links to a website, to belittling and downright insulting — while still using spankos as a way to draw traffic and links to a website!

And also, the jerks at “Leftos” manage to mangle or otherwise distort the info. Even down to making it less useful for the poor first-time party goer who mistakenly trusts this link. The first article said, “To err on the safe side, dress as you would for a dinner party – men in sports jacket, collared shirts, even a suit and tie, and women in dresses and skirts, as mentioned above. Schoolgirl outfits are popular, and a friend of mine who attended a recent spanking event dressed as a librarian was the hit of the evening, no pun intended.” And I would stand by that advice! ” But the second article for some reason says, “Men can keep it simple with blazers and jeans while women have been known to dress up as librarians or school girls.”

Where did the jeans come from?! And what’s this, “women have been known to” crap? If the idiot who wrote this took even five seconds to google “spanking,” he’d have soon seen that dressing up as a schoolgirl is not just something that has been “known to happen” — most spankers would probably prefer that the gals show up that way!

And I just love how such sneering negativity has crept in: “if you find yourself attending one of these odd parties, you better show up wearing the proper attire or you may end up being the outcast amongst outcasts” and “the weirdo at a weirdo party” — sure, Leftos gives lipservice to open-mindedness with the “but to each their own” line, but it is plain what the writer thinks — these are freaks — useful freaks, however, since putting this article on the Leftos site will generate some nice buzz!

It just makes me want to go slap their smug faces. They are using me and my compatriots while at the same time mocking us.

I know, I know — it’s nothing new. But this was just a shockingly pellucid example of it.

For any person who has found this entry while searching. “What to Wear to a Spanking Party,” let me just clarify things.

Please do dress nicely. You want to make a good impression — you either want people to spank or be spanked by you, so that means look neat and respectful of the event you’re attending.

Men: the first article’s advice was good! Get out the nicely fitted trousers and a nice shirt or sweater — even dust off the suit — most spankees I know would rather be bent over some pin-stripes than a pair of jeans! And hey, since the spankee’s head is going to be down at your ankles, why not put on a nice pair of dress shoes or boots? That will get you return customers!

However, women aren’t the only ones who can play dress-up for these things! Women love a man in uniform! Or vintage threads. And if you’re more the spankee yourself, why not dress as a schoolboy? You won’t be the only one there!

Ladies: Yes, a nice dress will work, and a schoolgirl will always be appreciated. The librarian look that was touted up in the first article was a success due to creativity on the gal’s part, and doing something to stand out will get you the same success.

(For example, here are some of me at Shadowlane 2009 & 2010.)

I think the author of the first article was just trying to get gals wearing garters (and there is nothing wrong with that!) but some people are turned on by pantyhose or tights! Some men prefer the “innocent white cotton knickers” thing, whilst others will be panting when they see the lace-and-satin French-cut knickers! (I’ve met very few spankers who like a thong. They have become my everyday, non-sexy knicks, which is, I think the opposite of how it is for vanilla gals!)

As for the fetish clothes — well, every party is different, and there are some that will look askance if you show up in a leather-and-chains bra and panty set. But below is a shot of me in a fetishy “spanking dress” — and most of my friends wouldn’t mind me showing up in that to their spanking parties! — just wear a long coat on your way in and out of the party, so the neighbors don’t get riled up! (Also, to prevent catching cold from a draft!)

I’d like to ask my fellow spankosphere bloggers to do posts with the title “What to Wear to a Spanking Party” (or similar) and write their own opinions and experiences, even post pictures of what they have worn to spanking parties. If we do this, our posts will filter in with (and hopefully in a google search, over ) the other search results, so that people who are honestly looking for what they should wear to a spanking party will find answers from us spankos, not vanillas using our “shock value” cache for their own good.

It’s like a “Take Back The Night!” walk, but basically, it’s just about taking charge of our own little piece of the internet. We can and should use the “naughtiness factor” of what we write about to our own advantage so we can help out the newbie spankos who are just coming out of the closet and need trustworthy resources and good advice. There is no reason in this day and age that first-time-spanking-party-goers should not be able to find all they need to know to give them the courage to get out the door!

Finally, I’d like to specify for the newbie that there are two distinct types of spanking parties. There are the ones where guys pay to get the privilege of spanking some lovely young ladies. Adele Haze writes wonderfully about those here. And here’s a good list of spanking parties in the UK.

Then there are the parties that are more like the usual sorts of social gatherings, where spanking just sort of happens among the guests as they see fit. These can be private parties where you need to know someone already in the group of friends to get invited, or these can be big events like Shadowlane, or Shamrock Spanking Society, or even my own group, SF-CP.

If you have questions or concerns about going to your first spanking party, please leave a comment here, or contact me. The other spankosphere bloggers and I are happy to help you out — we win both by being able to give back to our community, and having new people to make friends with at spanking parties!

People who have written their own “What to Wear to a Spanking Party” posts:

• Ludwig’s lovely Klingon girl, Kaelah
• Jay Walker

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